Ok So I am going to “Re-Walk” This “Giving Up/Giving In” Character and I am going to specifically walk each dimension of the Character. I will look at the following dimensions of the Character. I am also going to look at this particular point of “Giving Up/Giving In” in relation to “My Life” in terms of Job/Career. Where I experience this point of giving up allot. I am going to walk this approach because I found the initial self forgiveness I did to be too general and so am pushing here to get more specific within the Self Forgiveness so that I am actually effectively working with the point. Ok so I am seeing here as I start that My process of “Giving Up” seems also to be specific to each particular possible Job Path I could walk so I am going to focus on Art as the Career Path, as this is one of the points that I have walked in my life and so is one of the points that I have looked at as a possible job/career point to explore.
Walking the Dimensions of The Giving Up Character in relation to Job/Career.
See myself in a classroom at the college where I went to art school standing in front of a class introducing myself.
-Me explaining to the students about my teaching methods and philosophy and how the class will be different from normal classes.
-See myself lecturing to a large audience.
-Seeing allot of paperwork and me shuffling papers in an office and papers piling up in piles around me and its messy.
-It will be difficult because I am not a good spelling
-I would not make a good teacher
-I am not suitable to be a teacher because I am anti-social and have to many problems – I would have to change myself to be a teacher and I don’t see myself as being able to effectively do that
– What if I get distracted by the girl students – I will need a wife/girlfriend first – I will never be able to do it.
-I can’t do it
-I will never amount to anything
-My life is a write off
– Who are you kidding, you won’t/can’t be a teacher.
– I am pathetic
– Sinking/lowering down into myself
-Depression / Heaviness
Physical Behaviour Dimension
– Heaviness in my body
– breathing a sigh (exhalation)
– eyes squint and teeth clench and lips purse (anger point)
– In Living out this character I am accepting that I am “not good enough” to actually be a teacher and I will never give this point any serious consideration.
– I will never get passed the point of just “thinking about it” and in fact actually explore this as a viable option for me because I always just end with – “This point won’t work” And thus I will continue to wait and wait and wait until I am forced to do it because nothing else in my life will work – Thus the consequence is that I will end up waiting for me to be FORCED into doing something instead of Directing Myself within Practical Self Direction.
I will continue Next Day with the Self Forgiveness.
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