This is a continuation from my previous blog – Investigating Myself in Relation to Pain and Medication – An Artists Journey To Life: day 133
I commit myself to understanding the reactions I have in relation to taking drugs to support me within pain, and to investigate this point of taking Tylenol for headaches as I see that this has now more become an “automatic” point where I will go to it quickly where this going to the point of taking Tylenol to assist me through the pain so quickly is indicating that I am not in fact making a decision based on a practical physical assessment but simply allowing my mind to influence me in such a decision.
I commit myself to stop and breathe and slow myself to down when I am preparing to take or considering taking Tylenol to support me through pain, and to ask myself the question, “Am I taking this Tylenol automatically and am I really considering this point, or have I already made up my mind in an automatic way where I am not in fact supporting myself to get to know myself within this point of pain/headache/medication because I am just quickly making a decision to go with the drug and not in fact investigating myself effectively within and around this point and thus my understanding and awareness and thus experience is always the same and never change and I never move myself investigate what is really going on in this such equation.
I commit myself to investigate/look out for the energetic reactions and movements that go on inside me in relation to taking Tylenol to support me through the pain when I have headache and to use each energetic reaction and movement as an entry point to investigate how I have separated myself from myself as my human physical body and have thus utilized the mind to make decision/come to conclusions on how to direct myself where I am basing my decisions/direction/movement on reactions and energetic movements and experiences that are a product of the mind, instead of being absolutely stable, and slient, clear within myself when a headache comes up and I am assessing the most practical course of action for me to walk to support me through the point.
I commit myself to realize that only absolute understanding is valid and thus to challenge my ideas about what I believe to be right and wrong so to ensure that I am in fact supporting myself effectively to develop a real understanding of how things work instead of just going along with the ideas that I have accepted as myself and made myself to believe have been well thought out and considered.
I commit myself to investigate the pain I experience in and as headaches and to work with such points with writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application so as to at least Take Direction to understand this point of pain more effectively instead of continuing with what I have accepted and allowed myself to justify doing lately and before, which was to just quickly go to the medical aid as Tylenol where this became virtually an automatic decision and in doing this ignored the aspect of ever working with this point when it comes up so that I can in fact develop an awareness of myself and what this pain as me is and how I created it and so thus in this actually develop an self intimate understanding of myself within this point, instead of accepting and allowing myself to “remain at the same spot “ of understanding which I have been doing for quite a while now by accepting and allowing myself to justify no longer bothering to work with this point but had accepted that “I will not find anything new about this” and so just took the pills and not bothered to develop/move my understanding deeper into what is actually occurring within such cases where I get headaches, where I would kind of look at it, but not doing anything that would develop an actual effective, clear understanding where I am moving/directing myself in a way where I would/am actually learning / becoming aware of myself and who I am as my human physical body/ the physical, and my mind-physical relationship.
I commit myself to realize that I have prevented myself from actually really being able to support myself within facing pain, because I have gone into immediate fear and have accepted that fear with ease, and then from there go ahead and resort to drugs to stop the pain which I have in fact distorted by adding fear to it, and so it is like I have made the pain more than it actually is by attaching fear to it, instead of allowing the pain to be what it is as the physical process that is taking place and not to project my own fears and interpretations onto the pain that has nothing to do with the pain at all, and just end up making it into something that is distorted and seen through my mind, instead of seeing it as what it really is as the pain that is here.
Thus I commit myself to assist and support myself to through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application remove my interpretations, fears, judgements, concerns, and basically all mind interferences that I have projected onto pain, and rather Align myself to simply be here and not go into the mind or project anything onto the pain that is not really Here as the pain as Me.
I see, realize, and understand that I am able to express myself in relation to pain by actually utilizing writing and self forgiveness and self corrective application to investigate and develop my awareness of who I am as this point of pain in and as my human physical body and so in this developing a deeper understanding of myself and so thus I commit myself to assist and support myself to no more accept and allow myself to define pain as a limitation but in fact see it as an opportunity to understand simply another dimension/aspect of myself that I realize I must understand as the point is HERE as me as the process of pain which come up within and as my human physical body.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to differentiate between the pain I create in my mind which is more of a mental pain and suffering and has absolutely nothing to do with the physical, and the physical pain which simply is what it is, and thus I commit myself to assist and support myself to simply walk here in and as breath when ever pain comes up and assist and support myself to not project any judgements onto the pain but simply be here as myself as the pain where I do not judge it or place a negative or positive energy onto it.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to utilize this headache point as a reference point from the perspective of identifying any “desire to escape my reality” which comes up when I get a headache and start to consider taking Tylenol for the pain so that I can go to sleep and escape from having to face myself and direct myself in a self responsible way, and thus also I commit myself to assist and support myself to within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application Align myself to in fact Live in Every Moment and so thus ensuring always that I am aware of any indication /point/moment where I want to “give up and give in” and hide and no longer face myself within walking my process, and to within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application correct this point so that I am Here and STABLE within my application of myself.
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