So today when I woke up, my body felt feverish and slightly weak and I had a headache. This was also how I experienced myself yesterday which to experience myself like this 2 days in a row does not often happen, so I concluded that my body must be in a process of releasing something and that this process has been going on for a few days. So I went to town and ran some errands and when I returned home my headache had increased and the entire point had escalated. I had applied some self forgiveness on the headache when I drove home and also was debating if I should take Tylenol as in the past I have found that Tylenol has been effective support when the pain becomes to much. But yet there was still some reluctance within me to taking the Tylenol as there usually is where for instance I am always asking myself the question in these such scenarios, “is the pain to much, or can I handle it” I feel guilty when I take Tylenol, like I am weak, and that I am supposed to be able handle and walk through such pain.
I also find when such moments of headache/fever come up that I start to go into this internal fighting within myself about how I should handle the point and if I should in fact ‘resort’ to taking Tylenol and ending the pain in this immediate way, as I find that for the most part taking Tylenol when the pain has reached a certain intensity usually stops the pain and then it starts to subside and depending on the intensity of the pain I will be able to function again normally. Sometime if I do not have to work or don’t have anything planned, I will be more willing to walk with the pain until it passes but have found in this there is always that inner battle within myself where I am just waiting for that moment I decide to take the Tylenol and end the pain.
In the past I have tried applying self forgiveness when having a headache and using this as an opportunity to explore what the point is in fact that is causing the headache or pain/fever point, where I have more tended to see Tylenol as a suppressant where it really just suppresses the pain and makes it so I can’t feel it anymore but that does not mean the pain is not there and my body is still not in pain. And I wonder about also how taking Tylenol affects the actual bodies process of releasing the necessary energy through the headache and fever process where in if this actually block the body from doing this effectively. So I see that I am not understanding clearly or really at all this process that takes place when for instance I get a headache or fever and also what is the process that is taking place when I take drugs to support me through the pain. So indicating still quite a separation from my actual body where I still have not yet established a relationship with my human physical body for me to be able to in fact see the actual process that are taking place within me/my physical body.
I also usually cave-in and take the Tylenol for the pain instead of walking through the pain, as in walking through the pain I find that I am mostly in inner conflict and struggle within myself constantly fighting this point of “wanting to take Tylenol” to just “get it over with” yet on the other hand, telling myself to simply breath, and walk the point without the drug as this may assist and support more the bodies process of “doing what ever it is doing” within the fever and headache process instead of trying to interrupt this with some drug, which I believe/feel postpone the process that is taking place, though I am not really sure what goes on when I take Tylenol. Id say at this stage I will take it one or two times month. I have also in the past simply walked through the pain. And rather opted not to take it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a negative energy to taking Tylenol to assist me with the pain that occurs when I have a headache/fever.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe taking Tylenol to support me through the pain when I get a headache that is more intense in nature is a bad thing even though my understanding of what actually goes in inside/in relation to the body when I take Tylenol is really minimal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come to conclusions about taking Tylenol to assist with the pain of headaches where I have in my conclusion of this being “not good for the body” have charged this idea with a negative energy which from my perspective is still indicating that my conclusion is not yet based on actual clear understanding of what is going on but as is indicated by the fact that I have attached a negative energy to the point of taking Tylenol that I am in fact utilizing the mind to come to a conclusion which does not in fact work based on an actual understanding assessment but rather works in relation to interpretations and definitions of the mind that is not based on an equal and one understanding with and as the physical where I would be able to see and understand the relationship that the drug actually has with the body and what is occurring.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define taking Tylenol within a negative connotation because I have come to believe that all commercial drugs are “BAD” even though I in fact have not idea what happens in the relationship(s) between specific drugs and the body at all, but just have more generally accepted the use of commercial drugs to be BAD because that is what the conspiracy theorists and activists and those who promote alternative medicines say, which I have utilized to formulate my idea of it being bad to use commercialized drugs, even though I do not know the actual relationship that is taking place between my body and the drug.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself as incapable of handling the pain on my own and that I have not yet developed on understanding of what pain is in my body but just coming to the simple conclusion of “I don’t like pain” and then in relation to this usually end up trying to put a stop to any pain that comes up within me through using such aids a commercialized drugs to subdue the pain, and thus, not assisting and supporting myself to utilize pain more effectively where I can utilize writing and self forgiveness and self correction to in fact come to understand what pain actually is and how it come about and exist within and as my body instead of never getting to this point of exploration because my point becomes to just quickly get rid of pain as quickly as possible.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear pain, and fear the pain of a headache and so when ever I start to notice a headache coming on define it as “negative” within and as a “negative energy” and then just want to get it done and over with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define pain as a limitation where I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I have a headache I am not able to be effective within my expression / application of me but have defined a headache as being de-habilitating where it takes away my ability to express and function.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear headaches, in relation to where I fear the pain that ensue as the headache and that I have come to the conclusion within myself that “I can’t handle headaches” where in I also go into such statements as “my world is hard enough” and so often when a headache comes up, I will opt to take Tylenol and go to sleep until the pain passes because within this I can take a break from my life where I have utilized the headache and pain as a perfect excuse to just “shut down” literally where I will take the Tylenol and go to sleep and in this am able to escape from my life and my world, within which I see that I virtually always trying to and looking for some escape or some way for me to hide from facing my life and escape from my life where sleep become one of the points where I am able to hide from my life and not have to face my life and so thus to then a headache becomes a potential escape point where I am in fact RELIEVED to be able to just take 2 tylenol and close my eyes and disappear from my reality and that I in fact enjoy the experience of being in allot of pain and having the experience of this pain going away which I am able to produce by taking 2 tylenol, instead of walking this process naturally – because to walk this process naturally means that I will still have to direct myself and though I still may eventually reach that point of relief where the headache breaks, and the pain starts to subside, I will miss out on the point of “shutting down” and going to sleep where I will not have to continue to stand and face my reality.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I actually enjoy the experience of coming down from the pain as the experience that ensue when I take 2 tylenol, and that there is in fact actually an excitement there within me of doing this.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take responsibility for myself in relation to the point of “standing and taking responsibility for myself in all moments of my day” where in I within this situation that I have just described above, accepted and allowed myself to ignore the fact that I was also using this point of taking 2 tylenol when I had a headache to escape from MYSELF as the Me that is I have become the responsibility I have to direct myself within the world in a way that is best for all, thus I see here that it is not necessarily me trying to escape from my world per-se but me wanting to and trying to escape from ME within ME facing my World.
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