I arrived “home” today.
I moved back home to where I grew up from the city I was currently living and had lived on and off for the last 12 years.
While driving home I was looking at “my programming” and what I require to do to stabilize/Direct myself when I get home.
I see that I must establish new patterns of living. Not simply “step back into my past” so to speak from the perspective of stepping into and living the patterns and personalities and characters that I used to live when I used to live at home.
I was also looking at the recent patterns that I was living while in Calgary and also seeing this as an opportunity to step out of those patterns and assist and support myself to establish myself within a Self Directive Living.
I was also looking at this other point during the drive home of how I have created this idea within myself of this stereotypical failure Character that I have comprised from various different sources such as people I have seen or read about or seen in movies where I created this stereotypical depressed type failure character within my mind which I hold as a kind of image within me in which I align myself to where in I go on defining myself as a failure and what that should look like and who I should be and exist as and act like as this failure character that I created within me.
This also has to do with the idea that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe about myself that “I am past my prime” where basically I am creating and holding onto this idea that “I can no longer learn” and that “I am past my prime” and thus have already reached and passed my potential and thus will no more in my life have the abilities and will and discipline that I once had when I was younger in my twenties.
So basically seeing myself as old and holding onto this idea of myself as being incapable and as being old and slow and past my prime.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the idea that I am no longer able to be as effective as I used to be because of my age, because I am “older” and that this means that I am “less life” than I was when I was younger.
I commit myself to applying myself within the understanding that the idea of me being “less life” because I am older is an accepted and allowed limitation that I actually use as an excuse to disempower and limit myself to where in I will in essence “call upon” this idea within me to support me in giving up on myself when ever the resistance gets to much or I don’t want to take responsibility, and so I see, realize, and understand that this idea that I am “less life” now than compared to when I was younger is a point of self sabotage, that support me in giving up on myself, and thus I commit myself to assist and support myself to walk/work through this accepted and allowed idea that I have accepted about me that “i am past my prime” or not able to be as effective as I was when I was younger, and instead direct/will myself to be Here and be Self Present in every moment, pushing for self specificity and self Hereness, and in this supporting me to in fact become Specific and effective and Clear in my Daily Living Application.
I commit myself to utilize writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to support me to become more specific within myself in terms of who I am in every moment, where I am able to assist and support myself through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to re-write my programming and so thus to push for self directive and specific writing as a point of developing a foundation to then bring through into my world in my speaking and living.
I commit myself no more accept and allow myself to when I am tired or feeling heavy within myself immediately jump to the idea that “I am less capable because I am older” and that where “my age is a limitation” and that “My body/experience feels heavy because of my age” instead focus on remaining Here and Self Present and Self Aware, deliberately not accepting and allowing myself to go into the idea as excuse that I created and allowed within me that “I am to old” or that “I am less capable because of my age” but rather assist and support myself to remain consistent and self directed in my application of me throughout my day.
I see, realize, understand that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize this idea about my age as an “excuse” and a point of “self sabotage” which I see is also related to “being a victim” or/and “Self Pity” and so thus I commit myself to within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application assist and support myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself through by accepting excuses and justifications to give up on myself that I know are/is not in fact so, but is in fact just an accepted and allowed limitation/excuse that I have lived, and used to manipulate myself so to “protect” me from actually having to take Self Responsibility for myself and in fact push through my resistances in fact Will myself within Actual Self Change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when a person passes the age of 27 that they are no longer able to perform as effectively in the world, and that within accepting this idea about how things work, I lose all faith in myself because if I was not able to change myself when I was younger and still in my twenties, then I surely will not be able to now because the older I get the more ineffective I become.
I commit myself to within writing, self forgiveness, and self correction assist and support myself to let go of and release any such idea that I have accepted that my ability/capabilities within Self Development are limited due to my age, but instead Align myself to push and direct myself within Self Specificity in every moment no matter what, no matter what my age is, and thus to stop accepting and allowing myself to use my age as a point of limitation.
I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to want to justify my limitations and argue for my limitations instead of simply living the correction which in this case is to simply always push for and direct myself in the utmost specificity in what ever it is I am doing, and in this also supporting myself in every breath to be self present and self aware, stopping myself from “drifting away into the mind” and then blaming this on “my age” and so assist and support myself here to Stop using my age as an excuse/limitation within my process and start actually simply living the self correction in and as consistency to ensure the correction as absolute specificity in fact come through and integrate into and as me .
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame lethargy on age when in fact I see that it is simply a matter of me Directing myself to be Here and Self Aware in every breath and so not accept and allow myself to step into the mind and sink into lathery which is an accepted and allowed “state of mind/self” that I deliberately allow instead Standing in and as Self Responsibility in every moment, and so thus “Lethargy” is in fact a deliberate “state of mind/self” that I place myself into through utilizing excuses and justifications such as “its because I am older and more susceptible to lethargy” which I see, realize, and understand is simply an excuse I use to hide behind so that I do not actually have to face myself in every moment and direct myself in every moment in self responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look into the future and filter my life projection through this idea that I have already achieved my highest potential and so within this idea that I have already achieved my highest potential, equate the rest of my life to this and thus believe that I will amount to nothing, and achieve nothing,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have reached my highest intelligence already, and that within accepting this idea that I have reached my highest intelligence already, feel deflated and unmotivated to be specific with myself when I write, and when I live or do any task, because I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within this idea that my best years are behind me, and so give-up on myself, not really caring about my application of myself.
I commit myself to leave what is behind me behind me and simply work with what is here, which is me in the moment where I am in fact able to assist and support myself to be here and be self present and thus to within this direct myself to be specific and become more specific within practicing developing, refining and honing my specificity and thus in this in fact actually assisting and supporting myself to develop Self Intelligence, and Effectiveness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when you are younger like in your 20’s that you have more energy and more will power and that when your older like in your 30’s and beyond one’s will power and ability to apply oneself effectively starts to wane. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this idea to influence me within my moment to moment application where I would eventually give up on myself using the excuse that “it must be because I am older” as to the reason why I give up on myself so quickly or find it difficult to apply myself in a consistently effective way which brings forth actual self change.
I see, realize, and understand that I have not been effectively supporting myself to be aware and self present in every breath, where I am supporting me to be self aware of all parts of me in every moment where I am aware of how and why I am directing myself in a particular way. And that as an initial correction of myself in my process I can start again with simply moving myself to being aware of myself in every moment, and in this to push for Self Direction instead of Mind Possession where in being possessed within the mind one/I, instead of deliberately moving myself in and as the physical in self awareness, I would go into the mind and participate with thoughts, feelings, and emotions and thus am not Here and aware of All parts of me in each moment.
I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself within writing, self forgiveness and self correction to move myself into total self awareness where eventually/ultimately the goal is to be absolutely here in every breath in self awareness and so can now assist and support myself to remind and assert myself to be HERE in all/each moment(s) of my day and within consistently asserting myself to be here and aware of myself in and as the physical, in and as the moment support me to also become Self Directive as this asserting myself to be here in itself is a Self Directive Movement of Me, in where I am taking responsibility for myself and no more accepting and allowing myself to not be here in and as Self Awareness and Self Presence and just be off in my mind in some alternate reality, and so in doing this assist and support myself to become more specific and effective within myself/ my process.
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