MyHere – The Constant Judgement of My Life and Job – An Artists Journey To Life – Day 111

I am continuing today with the point I was starting to open up in yesterdays blog post. The point I am looking at is “Stability in the System”

Today I could see this point still playing out inside me, both in my back chat as well as in my experience of myself. I experienced myself as sluggish and heavy. One point that I have noticed within myself that I do within my job is that I won’t go that extra mile. I will do “what I am paid for” so to speak. This is also related to what a client is actually “paying for” where we are required to stick to the specs of a job and not go above or below this. I am making a note of this because today the point come up within me of “Am I Giving Up” like when a person gives up on their life. Other questions within myself that came up in relation to this point is “Do I Care?” and also “Am I becoming less effective”, “Am I passed my prime” I started thinking about someone who is younger and has more “Vigour” and like that “Spark of Life” I started thinking about how I am turning out like everyone else in this world where essentially we just diminish as life forms where in ones youth there is more life in a being and as one spends more time in the system/this world they just diminish and become less effective as this process of slowly but surely giving up. So today I was looking at myself from this perspective, as seeing myself “passed my prime” and having “lost that drive” that I had when I was teen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear diminishing as a life form, and that also I fear is happening to me day by day due to the extent that I have become and participate within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am diminishing as a life form because of the job I have, where I see myself in a dead-end job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my job is a dead-end job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my job as a dead-end job because it is not “what I had expected” from the perspective of what I believe I should be doing or had projected/fantasized/hoped I would be doing.

I realize that I have created ideas and projections within myself about who I should be or/and about what my job should be, and that I have judged my job in relation to these projections. And that within this I have been giving my “mental projections and ideas about how things ‘should’ be” priority over “how things actually are in and as my physical life”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my job and judge myself within my job seeing my ability and expression within and as my job from the perspective of limitation, believing that “there is only so much I can do” and so have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am limited within my job.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to accept my situation from the perspective of Walking the point I am facing and assisting and supporting myself to stop any and all judgments and reactions that come up.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the grass is greener on the other side.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend all day when I am work, dreaming and thinking about when I am finally at a new job and not the one I am currently at, and so have completely separated myself from HERE, from where I exist HERE within and as the physical as I am frequently accepting and allowing myself to participate in future projections about me being at a different job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the frustration I experience towards my job will just go away when I go away to another job, and so am still seeing my job as the source of the frustration and not myself.

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated with my job because I believe that I could be doing so much more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated with myself because I feel like I should be doing “so much more” meaning being in a different position than where I am currently, where I constantly am in judgment of the point I am in now as I see it a “low” point, and also fear that things will not ever get better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated with my own process and how things have gone so far where I judge myself for not being more stable and clear in my process, but exist daily in self judgment towards myself within the belief that “I should/could be in a different point” that “if I were to have done things differently I might have more stability and have a better life”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated and angry with myself because of how my process has gone, where I see this as pathetic and a disgrace, and so thus see myself as pathetic and a disgrace, expecting so much of myself and doing so little.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stop judging myself for how my process has gone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my entire process so far has been one big sham and one big lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the statement “I don’t know how to change”

 

What I see here is that the frustration I was/am experiencing towards my Job is actually frustration I experience towards myself in relation to how my process has gone/is going.

I commit myself to bringing ALL points that come up at/in relation to my work/job back to myself using my job/work as a reflection of my own process and what I am experiencing/living within myself in relation to my process, and thus I commit myself to Stop blaming my job for being the reason  for my experience of me as I see here that my experience of frustration that I experienced in relation to my job was actually a frustration within and as myself that I was experiencing/creating in relation to my process, which is in essence in relation to ME as I see “my process” as in fact being Me.

 

I commit myself to no more accepting and allowing myself use/see my job within the context of limitation, as I see/realizing/understand that I am always the source of who I am and thus to use/see my job as a point of Limitation is Self Sabotage because I know that “My Job” is not the cause of my experience or of me and in accepting and allowing myself to judge my job as being limited I am in fact participating in Blame instead of stopping blame and taking responsibility for myself and my experience within the realization that I must be the Solution to who I am and my life.

I see/realize/understand that as long as judgments and reactions are still coming up within me in relation to my world then there is still allot I can work with and also what is being shown/indicated is that I am not yet equal and one with this point of my life as there is still tones of reactions and judgments continuing to come up that I have not yet sourced out to find the origin point within myself and applied effective self forgiveness and self corrective application so that I no more participate/experience such judgments/reactions in relation to my world.

I commit myself to utilize my Job as the reactions and judgments that come up within me in relation to my job,  as a source to utilize as those reactions and judgments to see what and where to look within myself with regards to what I am/have not yet / am not yet standing equal and one to and thus still require to investigate within myself in writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application until I am able to face the point and stand Silent where no more reaction come up within me as the evidence that I have in fact investigated and FOUND the point within me and Corrected it in my Physical Living Behavior/Application/Action to exist within and as what is best for all.

I commit myself to bring through the into my living action, the understanding/realization that I have been trapped in a application of searching and looking “out-there” for the solution to me, to “make things better” instead of working with what is here where I “work in the job that I have” and “live in the home that I live” instead projecting myself out-there into future projections of what or where I should be, and so to bring this realization/understanding that my job is in fact not a “dead-end” job but that is a judgment I have placed without  yet effectively working with what is here as the job I have, bringing this into a Living Correction by assisting and supporting myself to Live HERE in the life that I Have and to stop and release myself from the judgments I have placed on my life that has caused me to essentially miss what is here because within judging my life I have thus then went and created alternative realities in my mind that are apparently better, that are apparently where the solutions ‘lie’ “if I could only have that life” instead of Stopping this search and living here in and as myself within and as that which is HERE, and to assist and support myself to Get myself Fully Here where I direct myself to a point of Stability where I am in fact HERE in my life instead of constantly in a search within my mind for something better.

I see/realize/understand that I have judged my life and particularly also my job, and that I have placed numerous judgments towards my job, instead of living Here and working with what is Here unconditionally instead of judging it.

I realize that I have not been Here, Living Here, within and as my Job, but that I have been absolutely pre-occupied with “finding something better” which I would constantly and continuously search for within my mind while I worked. I commit myself to step out of the judgment(s) I have placed on my job as being a dead-end job, and get myself to HERE until as I see/realize/understand that ultimately I should be able to Stand in my current position/placement of me without having judgments and reactions towards my position/placement/job.

I commit myself to stop giving mental pictures the time of day from the perspective of where I will make assessments of who I am in relation to the mental pictures that exist within me instead of sticking to and focusing on what is in fact actually here, and thus work with what is here, and so thus, I Commit myself to stop judging myself and what is in fact here as my physical reality as the actual job I have and the house I live in where I have created judgments about such points due to having created expectations or wants due to having accepted and allowed myself to participate and give priority to mental pictures in my mind, and so

I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into / getting lost and pre-occupied in mental pictures about the future/ future jobs/ future home/ future relationship/ future money/ I stop and bring myself back here to my Actual Physical Reality as what is really here. And in doing this I assist and support myself to LIVE HERE in the reality that is HERE. I can also assist and support myself within this by pinpointing the judgments that I am holding towards who I am and what is actually here as my current reality. I can work with these judgments in writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to release ALL judgments I have towards my HERE, so that I can in fact bring myself to Living HERE, that which I would not do if I have riddled my HERE with Cancer Tumors as Judgements towards my HERE, that it should be this way or that way, or have this in it, or is not good enough because of this or that, and so I commit myself to working with myself within my process of writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application as well as my DIP assignments to release all the judgments I have towards Myself Myhere so that I bring myself here and live one and equal with my Here.

 

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