Other Blogs I have Written Specifically Looking at “The Artist” Character and the point of Art/Drawing/Painting within my life.
After I wrote my blog yesterday, the point that I was looking at continued to open up. What I see is that I am looking at “The Artist” Character, and also specifically who I am as this Character in relation to money.
I also read a blog post by Maite last night, who was investigating and applying self forgiveness on a point that she has faced in regards to wanting to be a famous dancer. When I read her blog post – http://maitedip.blogspot.ca/2011/09/living-my-last-life.html – I could see within myself a similar point in terms of how I still see/notice a burning desire within myself to do Art/ be an Artist which comes up every now and then but also I see is a point that sits within me that I am constantly having to subdue.
I realized that this desire is still influencing me within my life and decisions I make as my life where I will become overwhelmed by an emotional/feeling experience in relation to this point, and end up directing myself in relation to this “experience” that come over me, thus showing me that I am not yet stable and directive within my expression in relation to this point of art as I see that I am still influenced by emotional/feeling experiences that come up within me / overwhelm me.
In Maite’s blog she’s walking the point of realizing that the whole dancing point for her is gone and thus she is at a new point now. Which was a cool point for me to consider within my own life, and that also what came up within me is the question of “what am I missing” from the perspective of missing out on the ACTUAL point that I am here busy walking because I keep allowing myself to participate in a point that “is gone” and so thus I see the point of supporting myself to embrace the point I am now walking and become effective within my expression here within the point(s) that I am walking, in the same way I was passionate about become effective within my expression of Art when it was here.
I see for myself that this should be Ok. Meaning with regards to my experience I understand that it does not matter what point one is walking and that all points are equal and one should not ever look at “where one is” from the starting point of limitation or from a “that point was better than this point” viewset.
I see that I still have a desire to utilize this artistic Skill I have developed in myself and to “bring it into fruition” so to speak, and that I am not able to relate any other aspect of my life to the aspect/point of Art. Like there is nothing that will/can replace/supplement this point . Though at the same time I realize that to define Art as Superior to any other point is accepting a form of Limitation.
I see I still have not yet learned to live without Art which I realize I must be able to do where in art should not be a point that “determines” me in any way with regards to it being a point that I NEED otherwise I am lacking or at a disadvantage or limited.
I see that I have connected Art/Doing Art to Happiness, fulfilment and completion. And so created the belief that within not doing art my potential expression or experience of self will never reach that which it could if I was doing Art.
I see that I have not yet let Art Go.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the point of “completion” as the completion of myself within my expression of me, to Art and that without Art, I will have to compromise on this point/experience of completion that I see/believe I would attain within having Art as a part of my expression within a specific way so that I could develop and refine this aspect of my expression. And so have accepted and allowed myself to exist within yearning and wanting to have this/art be a part of my life as I have believed that this is the key to my happiness, to my completion and to my fulfilment and none of this will be had without it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place more value on Art than other things in my life and in doing this have in a way chained myself to Art making me Need it as I believe it is and have defined it as the key to the resurrection of my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as helpless without art, where I see myself as completely limited and powerless and having no ability to support and express myself. And in this way have defined Art as a Kind of God within me where “I am not worthy” and not able to stand in my full expression without the Power of God/ My expression in Art which I have accepted and allowed myself to believe must be bestowed on to me and that I do not have this power within me as who I am as Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself into art where I have placed certain aspects of myself into Art and have separated this from within and as me, believing that without Art, I am not able to live/express these aspects points of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel empty and incomplete without art or the potential of art as I have defined this as a point that I need to express myself properly in a way that fulfils me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will be unable to fulfil myself within my expression without art to the point where I could have with art, and so in this thus have separated me from myself by placing the key to me in a point that is not Here as Me, but out there in some external point that I have defined/created/crystallized within my mind/minds eye, as my desire to do art in some way, instead of living Self Fulfilment (as all the various aspects that I have separated from myself and placed into art) in every breath which I have held away from myself within insisting/believing that I require art for my full expression/experience of me, that, without art I am diminished.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define Art as the essence of myself and that without it I am lacking, I am not able to express me, but that I am dead, and so everything in my life becomes sub-par, becomes dead, I become dead and dull and feel like I am invisible without Art, powerless, non-existent as I no longer have Art that is the Substance that I communicate and express and direct me so that I am seen/herd/felt/Here and Real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe/see myself as “less than” without art, and thus never able to reach the potential I could have reached with Art as the Potential Expression of myself. And so thus have accepted and allowed myself to dwell in the past of “what could have been” believing that “what’s the point of living here” if it will only be a diminished version of “what I could have been/expressed” and so just exist within regret not daring to step forward as the active expression of me here in the physical as I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “this will never amount to anything” and that “this expression of me will always be lacking and less alive and vibrant than it was before”
I commit myself to investigate why and how I have defined myself in relation to Art the way I have and to investigate why I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am “less than” without art, that I, without art will only be able to attain simply a reflection of what I would have been able to attain as the Expression of Me with Art.
I commit myself to finding how to Live Here as the Full Expression of me in every breath where I do not require Art for this and to investigate how to Make my Expression of Myself Substantial with or without Art.
I commit myself to within writing, self forgiveness and self correction release myself from the “desire” to do art through by investigating, how I have created and defined art within myself and specifically built myself as my “The Artist” Character.
I commit myself to find why/how is it that I feel empty without art, like a piece of me is missing and that I must have it or else I will be incomplete for all eternity, and so thus I commit myself to investigate how to bring all of myself Here so that I am walking, living in the Full Expression of me in every moment where my optimum potential is never separated from me which I see that I have done by connecting my optimum potential to Art where everything else is meaningless, and that I commit myself to remind myself that a starving child does not have the opportunity to do what it wants, and thus how I have placed more value in this “experience of incompleteness” within myself than on the Starving Child where in common sense, the starving child comes first and that I direct myself within what is best for all to ensure that each life form has the potential to express itself and explore itself and not have to fear daily for its own survival.
I commit myself to investigate within writing, self forgiveness and self correction, this experience/point of myself as feeling like I am lacking the ability to express myself effectively and substantially in every moment, which I have come to believe/feel like I can only do if I have Art, which I see is a point of Self Limitation I have accepted.
I commit myself to assist and support myself to explore and investigate this point that I see that I should not require Art at all to live/walk as Self Fulfilment. That I should not be bound to any one thing to determine my Fulfilment of myself but that this should be a point able to be walked/lived/expressed by all in every moment. And also I commit myself to investigate and explore within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective statements/applications the point that I see, that I should not be “moved” by Art in one way or another, but that when it comes up as a potential point to walk or not, I am able to simply move myself within it, without going into any form of desire which possess me and contol me within my decisions, and so thus I commit myself to assist and support myself to explore of bringing/walking myself to a point of Unconditionality in relation to art where it does not matter one way or another if it is here or not as a point to express within and that it no more affect or influence or possess me but that I am able to stand here within silence where not a ripple is to be found within me in relation to ‘Art’ and so thus I am able to make a decision to direct myself within Art for a moment or time or not and either way this will not determine the fulfilment of me as I realize that it should be that no matter which way I walk I will always be within my optimum potential within and as directing and supporting life as what is best for all.
And so I commit myself to assist and support myself to explore/investigate within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application how to express myself within and as fulfilment where it is not what I do, but who I am within what I do, a point that I have not yet developed within me/ my understanding/my living of me as who I am as life.
I commit myself to investigate within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application all the aspects/qualities that I have separated from myself and placed into Art and thus assist and support myself to bring myself back to myself and thus live and express these aspects/qualities as ME, that I have believed are only possible to live express in relation to Art.
And thus I commit myself to within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application Open up this point of Art to reveal all the points/words I have Trapped/Hidden/Confined Within myself within my Definition of Art that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from, and so thus have not been able to see/realize/understand these points/words I have defined in and as Art in separation from myself and thus been able to begin bringing them/myself back to myself as points to be lived/expressed here as me.
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