Pushing It Off To the Side Instead of Directing It – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 103

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the back-chat “everything is just to much” where I place my hand on my head as physically acting out this back-chat statement “everything is to much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself within my application believing that “I am not getting it” and in relation to this statement, go into/experience sadness and depression and want to give up.

I see that this experience often occur when I am not effectively directing myself but have more “given up on myself” In this I find this experience of sadness/depression in relation to the back-chat statement “I am not getting it” comes up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience hopelessness in regards to “turning my life around” and actually walking in and as Self Stability and Consistency and that within this Consistent walking/standing of myself within my process/application I break out of the Rut that I just can’t seem to ever get beyond.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to step outside the “Rut” that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to when working with myself, really investigating myself in Self Honesty, getting to the depths of me and working with ME so that within this I can support myself to step outside of my “fear of failure” that I have accepted as Who I am and what will most likely happen with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR failing extensively, and fear things not ever changing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/believe myself to be incapable of change, and incapable of actually following through with a Character Deletion where I in fact change Living patterns/behaviours permanently, where I walk the Deletion of a Character behaviour/pattern completely until the point no more exist within and as me – something that I see/believe is in fact impossible to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my back-chat as the Voices/Words of my Characers Run Rampant within my mind and direct me within my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience disdain towards myself and my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience disdain towards myself for not effectively stopping the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define tiredness as more important than actually reading my daily desteni blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the simplicity of the process of doing my daily readings, writings, and ratings, where I judge this as Boring is the source/reason/cause for my boredom.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get ahead of myself within trying to figure out how to change my external environment without first changing myself in my daily, moment to moment living expression and behaviour.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to define myself as incapable of Sustaining Self Responsibility within my walking/standing in Supporting myself to become Self Honest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I actually have a legitimate excuse and justification to not apply myself effectively – that being “My Life is So Hard”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my life as Exhausting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being “trapped in exhaustion” and to believe this without a doubt, and within this belief, sit and wait until my exhaustion is over so that I can once again apply myself effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my diet and just eat whatever, whenever and missing meals and not supporting myself within and as the food I eat which is a point to consider within supporting myself to be Stable within my life and application and not ending up being exhausted because I am not at all supporting myself within my eating habbits.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “not even bother” taking that first step/action to organizing my room because I see/believe that I will not be able to actually sustain this, so whats the point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just go ahead and find the quickest way to direct something, even if that means not even in fact directing a point but just “getting it out of the way” where in I end up piling up a mess because I am not taking the time to in fact Direct Myself/points.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider the relationship between how I direct my practical physical immediate environment and how I direct the thoughts/back-chat/Characters that come up in my mind where what my reality is reflecting to me is that I just keep pushing them (my internal points) aside, sweeping them under the rug, instead of actually Directing The Points completely and thoroughly and thus I end up in a clutter and heaviness both in my inner and external worlds.

When and as I see myself excusing myself from the task of ensuring my practical physical reality is organized and that I am not just avoiding this or pushing the mess off to the side, I stop myself in that moment. I see that this behaviour has led to the accumulation of stuff in my physical environment which start to inhibit my flow and movement within my environment. I see this behaviour as a point of postponement where I am not willing to actually give Thorough and Complete Direction to each aspect of my life. Thus I commit myself to when that moment comes up where I have the thought come up of just “pushing the point/mess/obstacle off to the side, I do not accept and allow myself to follow that thought but here assist and support myself to work directly with what is here, realizing that immediate direction is a point that I am able to still become effective at within my life and so stop accepting and allowing myself to postpone giving practical direction to the “mess” in my room that is in fact the accumulation of practical daily points that have been abandoned half way through and not followed through to completion WITHIN CONSISTENCY where I Always give the point/points Direction to Completion and not just doing this once and then falling into the same routine/pattern of accepting and allowing things to accumulate in my practical physical reality where my immediate environment becomes an ineffective working environment due to the mess that has accumulated as a result of my postponement of giving practical direction to that which must be done.

I can also assist and support myself here to identifying the “reasons” behind why I accept and allow myself to “put off” giving these such points direction, where for instance asking myself / seeing the question “where have a placed my value?”, “what am I doing instead of giving these points practical direction” Is “what I am doing instead” really best for me/all or is this just the living out of some character

Another Support point I see here that I can support myself with is to “identify the thought”. So here I can slow myself down and look at the thought/picture that/which come up within my mind that “I follow” that is triggering this Character that “push the point aside” or decide to just find the quickest way to get the point out of the way so that I can get on with what ever I am doing.

A point now coming up here as the Character that is Activated in such moments is the “I don’t have enough time character. I have also noticed a point of spite within doing this as well, like – “I know I should be cleaning this up but fuck it and fuck you all and fuck process” This back-chat is interesting because I don’t actually mean it and because of this it is more of a form of self punishment and torturing and spite towards self, where I deliberately do that which do not support me as a point of rubbing salt in the wound so to speak.

So pushing the mess/points off to the side so that they eventually accumulate into clutter is Self Sabotage, thus “Self Sabotage” Character. Doing that which we/I deliberately know will not support me. Fuelling the whole point of “I am not worthy” Yet no matter how much I try and make myself seem not worthy –I still cannot cover up the understanding that I have that I am ultimately the one responsible for myself and so am thus able to Stop deliberately Fucking my world up and Re-Direct myself into a point of self support.

I commit myself to investigating the existence of the “Self Sabotage” Character within and as myself/my world and how I have accepted and allowed myself to participate/exist as/ live out this character in my daily life so that I can stop participating within and as this Character with the evil hand that slide the points under the rug, instead of accepting and allowing myself to Stand within my understanding/realizing that I Am ultimately the one who is responsible for me and thus my experience of myself, and am thus able to Stop sabotaging myself and messing up my world and am able to Re-Direct myself to Standing Within Consistent Practical Responsibility within and as Self Change.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to participate with the “everything is to much” experience within and as self, I firstly Stop and take a breath as taking a moment to get myself and slow myself down. I bring myself to Here realizing that I am the one responsible for myself and my world, and that I am not willing to accept and allow myself to exist within this “everything is to much” experience/point. I see that an effective Solution is to Slow myself down and start by taking one point that I require to direct, and to direct that point into completion until/ so that I am satisfied. Then, I move onto the next point and direct that point into completion until I am satisfied, and so thus I move myself within my application walking point by point, assisting and supporting myself to Stand within this moving point by point within and as Consistency so to assist and support myself to Walk within and as Self Responsibility as the very least I can do for myself, even if I do not know exactly how everything will turn out.

I commit myself to in the very least direct myself within my practical daily responsibilities, and stopping accepting and allowing myself to blame my daily responsibilities as the “reason why I get frustrated”

I commit myself to take absolute responsibility for myself and to work with myself within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application so that I can in fact take back my power as directive principle/responsibility of/as myself in every moment.

I commit myself to push/direct myself to become more effective within my writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application as I realize that writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application is a Key / Tool I can use to get to know/see myself and how I am in fact creating myself and my world in all its intricacies and relationships and so thus I commit myself to utilizing this process of writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application as well as doing my DIP assignments to assist and support me to see/realize/understand exactly who I am / have become and how to direct myself to change/transform me into and as that which is best for all.

FEATURED EQAFE INTERVIEW

Self Awareness Steps For the Elite – Introduction.

Other Desteni Links

desteni.org

eqafe.com

equalmoney.org

desteniiprocess.com

Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs

Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs

7 Year Journey To Life Facebook Page

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