Fear Driven Pursuit of Happiness – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 102

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that Fear has been the force driving me to construct / live my life the way I have/do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR facing myself Alone, and so looked searched for a relationship not realizing that my search for relationship was/is based on fear, is based in the point of me not wanting to face myself alone and stand alone.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize how my fear of misery has driven me within and as the pursuit of happiness, which is a Lie because all it really is, is the running from oneself where one try and construct a life around oneself for one to enjoy as an attempt to hide from the inevitable – That self has never faced self and is thus not able to stand in absolute acceptance of self not needing or requiring anything other than self here as life.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that if I run from misery or respond/react to misery. Than I am making the statement that Misery has power over me and there is nothing I can do about withtout taking into consideration how I have created and constructed this misery as myself and am thus able to deconstruct it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume myself/ become consumed with the pursuit and desire for relationship where the starting point of this pursuit and desire is the point of not wanting to stand here alone and face myself alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the idea that “things will be better with a relationship” and thus have spent more time occupied with finding a relationship than looking at/investigating/facing the that is here as “The Experience of Myself” that is me, that is driving me to search for a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that one is supposed to have a relationship and that if one does not have a relationship that one is missing something. Not taking into consideration how animals exist where for instance an animal is Stable with Self and do not become possessed with the desire for relationship, but simply is able to day in and day out stand/exist alone as itself within contentness, not getting pre-occupied by the idea/construct humans have created that one need/require a relationship to be happy/complete.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I am human that I am supposed to want a relationship and that if I do not have one, there is something that is wrong with me or that I am incomplete.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I have not been stable with myself here but have continually and constantly been possessed by my desire for relationship. And as I have walked here alone, I have constantly been pre-occupied with this point of relationship/agreement, due to fear of being alone.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to change/transform the starting point of myself from desiring and wanting and needing a relationship to be happy, to stopping this possession within and as myself and being absolutely stable with myself here alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone, and so have within this fear, driven myself to manipulate myself within an attempt to get a relationship/love, so to avoid this fear I have of being alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being alone as “incomplete” and so have feared this experience of me being incomplete and so have driven myself to search for a relationship and love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase after a picture within myself of and as the perfect life, where within this I have actually been missing the point of facing myself because I have instead of placing my focus on facing myself, have placed my focus on avoiding myself and thus just trying to create happiness by pursuing the picture perfect life, not stopping to see who I am without any of this where I am simply alone.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the life I have created/constructed and have tried and strived to create and construct has had nothing to do with facing myself but has been the opposite of this as the life I have created/tried to create to occupy me and “apparently bring me happiness” meanwhile not wanting to actually stand with myself and exist here alone without all this stuff as the life I have created and tried and strived to create.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and find the perfect job/career and that I have pre-occupied myself with this pursuit not taking into consideration the question of “Who Am I Without This?”

I see that “I am not fine” and that I have attempted to create the perfect life as a way to change this, instead of actually facing myself within this point in self honesty within the realization that I must be able to stand here in all contexts and be stable within and as myself, never going into a “desire for something more” where I start to search “out there” to “make myself feel better”.

I commit myself identifying the FEAR(S) that drive me in my pursuits of happiness and to direct myself to investigate and face these fears/myself in writing, self forgiveness and self correction so that I stop fear from being the directive principle and motivating force that is the foundation of the life that I have created and live for myself.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application deconstruct my fear of standing alone, so within this I am able to be stable with myself alone, and thus no more accept and allow myself to become consumed/possessed with FEAR of being alone which Drive me to pursue and search for a relationship/relationship experience.

I commit myself to investigating within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application all the ways FEAR has formed my life to be the way it is right now. So that within Applying Self Forgiveness and Self Correction I am able to take back my Directive Principle of me instead of having FEAR have power over me and thus being the ultimate creator of my life.

I commit myself to realize that to stand alone is not “strange” or “weird” or mean that “I am less than” or “missing something” but that this is actually just an idea/perception that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with that was formed in relation to the general norms accepted and allowed by society.

I commit myself to realize that within standing alone, I am not missing out on anything.

I commit myself to find all and every moment where my desire for relationship comes up and to in such moments correct myself by stopping such “desire” as the actual Possession of fear influencing  me within my direction within my life, and thus bringing myself back here within the realization that my “desire for relationship” was /is created in relation to “not wanting to face myself alone” / “stand alone” and thus I Direct myself to Facing Myself Alone from the perspective of no more accepting and allowing myself to Exist in Fear, and have Fear direct me within myself/my life, and so Direct myself to face that which I fear, in this case the point of Standing Alone without a Relationship where I must walk this life or longer Alone with just myself which I have accepted and allowed myself to fear extensively instead of stopping and facing this fear directly and walking into/embracing it as the point of no more accepting and allowing myself to Run From Fear.

I commit myself to face my own misery instead of spending all my time and energy trying to chase things to create joy in my life, and never getting to the source of the point to see where this misery of self come from and how it exist.

I commit myself to within writing, self forgiveness, and self correction face myself in who I am as my current existence/experience of myself alone. Within this, assisting and supporting myself to bring myself to the point of Self Stability as I realize that I must be Stable with myself as the Experience/Standing of myself alone, and that “if this is not enough” and I am driven to search / look outside myself from something more, I am in fact making the statement that I need and require something outside myself to make me complete, thus creating and defining myself as a Slave to some external point  that I have given power to, to “complete me”

I commit myself to direct myself within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application to stand within and as Stability and Contentness of Self Here alone, accepting nothing less than absolute stability as myself Standing Alone.

I commit myself to through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application release all pre-conceived/programmed ideas and perceptions about “Relationship” within the context of the world/life that we have accepted, no more accepting and allowing myself to be directed and influenced by such ideas/perceptions and so assist and support myself to Re-Define myself within the context of Life within and as Equality and Ones within and as what is best for all.

I commit myself to turn my attention from “desire for relationship” to “facing who I am here alone with and as myself without a relationship” where I investigate all my desires and pre-occupations with “Relationship” / “Desire for Relationship” to assist and support myself to release myself from the possession I have created and accepted as myself as the living out of the “Pursuit of Relationship” Character within the idea that “this will make me happy”.

I commit myself to finding/sourcing out the “Fear” that is starting point for all my inner movements and desires. And within this Finding and Facing these fears and deconstructing these fears within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application”

 

FEATURED EQAFE INTERVIEW

Life Review – Living Fear

Other Desteni Links

desteni.org

eqafe.com

equalmoney.org

desteniiprocess.com

Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs

Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs

7 Year Journey To Life Facebook Page

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