Yesterdays blog I was looking at the point of “the rules and regulations of the system” and how I created myself as specific characters which I lived out that influenced me to exist within a point of neglect towards my “system responsibilities” as in doing paperwork, or taxes or working a stable job so that I actually was a participant of the system. All things that I avoided doing/neglected within my life. In looking at this point one of my primary Characters that came up with regards to how I became so neglectful of my “system responsibilities” was “The Artist” Character which will be the character I am going to start here deconstructing/deleting/removing within self forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as “The Artist” Character, define “expression” as more important/valuable than, and superior to “rules and regulations”
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to within my life focus on art and my skills and abilities within art/drawing/painting and neglect and ignore other skills such as writing and reading and math, and to within this attempt to take this one skill that I developed as art and Define myself as Superior than others.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define Art as a Superior Skill to possess. More Superior than reading or writing skills or math skills where within my creation/development/programming myself as “The Artist” Character I always looked at and pursued ways in which I could Place Art as being the most important thing in the world so that within this could generate the most “Superiority” or “Positive Value” or “Specialness” for myself as “The Artist Character”
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to de-value myself when ever I am doing something that isn’t art.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed by this experience of feeling like what I am doing is pointless and having no value and here I also commit myself to look at the relationship of this experience/idea of myself as feeling like what I am doing is not important or of limited value and is thus limiting me, in relation to the ideas that I accepted and allowed myself to create around the point of art within and as “The Artist Character” where I am/was only able to reach my full potential within the context of Art, which I see/realize/understand I still have as a point/characteristic that is directing / influencing me within my life.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that “Art” was a superior expression because of how I was raised where in I developed this idea within conversations with my father and brother and within my family structure.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to place value on Artistic Expression because my family place value on Artistic Expression.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to later in life try and use my Artist Character to interiorize writing or math or just working a normal job in the system because these were things that I was not good at, and so was in the best interest of my self interest as me as the Artist Character to get others to believing / go along with me believing that these aspects of reality /life were unimportant, and of no value whatsoever where the total focus of myself became about Art, because that is what I defined myself as within creating me as “The Artist” Character as one of the primary characters that I would live/exist as within my life where I ended up focusing completely on art and disregarding so much of other things that is actually here as this world.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I surrounded myself with people that would buy into this character so that I could continue living this character out and also within this avoid taking responsibility for myself within what is best for all, because now not only am I devaluing such points as “getting a job” or “doing my system responsibilities” I have also gotten others to support me in this to by believing the “ideal” that I set forth as this Artist Character as what I presented and proclaimed as me as “The Artist” Character as the unique and special artist that has no interest in the apparently menial things, such as the system, and thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that All that exist is the System, that which I failed to see/realize/understand as “The Artist” Character where I essentially defined myself as “Against” the system, not seeing/realizing/understanding the extent/vastness of the system.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I was simply attempting to hide in my “Artist Character” where in I attempted to avoid taking responsibility for that which I did not want to do but just utilized this “Artist Character” to try and “do whatever I wanted.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to within existing in and as my Artist Character hide in my studio making art, refusing to get a job, refusing to take care of my system responsibilities, but simply “Asserting these things as Inferior” and so just continuing to paint and letting that stuff such as all my system responsibilities “take care of itself” where I literally did the bare minimum and in fact less than the bare minimum as I accepted and allowed myself to define that stuff as a nuisaunce and a just getting in the way of what I believed to be the Real Important thing within and as me as the Artist Character which was painting and art and being a Great Artist, where I do not concern myself with such “trival and mundane” things such as “jobs” or “ paperwork” and so I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge “System Responsibilities” as being unimportant and limiting.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to continuously ignore and neglect doing my system responsibilities when and as I existed as the artist character where this became a tendency of this character is to come up wtih excuses and reasons to just paint and do art and not bother with those lesser aspects of this world and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see realize that I had/have judged some aspects of me as lesser, and actually quite a bit of aspects of me as lesser and inferior and insignificant.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that all that is here is me and that within judging something as lesser than or inferior I am actually limiting my expression and myself in my self development/understanding/awareness of who I am as all that is here as life.
I commit myself to equalizing myself within who I am from the perspective of no more accepting and allowing myself to judge any one aspect of me that is here as being “more than” or “better than” another aspect of me that is here, but within see/realize/understand that ALL that is here is Me and is Equal.
I commit myself to within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application identify all the aspects of me that I have accepted and allowed me to separate from me within and as existing within “The Artist” Character” when I accepted and allowed myself to as me as the Artist Character judge and define some aspects of life that suited my Artist Character Interest as being more than those aspects of life that did not suit my Artist Character Interest and to bring myself back to myself no more accepting and allowing myself to neglect parts/aspects of me due to me having judged them.
I commit myself to within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application release myself from my Artist Character and all the “tendencies” that this Artist Character existed in, prominently to ignore responsibilities having to do with the system.
I commit myself to come to full realization/actualization of myself as free from my Artist Character and thus full Deletion of this character within and as me, as I see that the ideas and acceptances and allowances of this character do/does not support me and do/does not support life, and so I commit myself to stop my participation within and as this character and within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application walk myself to life here within and as the interest of all, allowing myself to Consider ALL of myself as ALL that is here as life and no more just limiting myself extensively as I did as “The Artist” Character where in I as this Character I ignored/shunned/judged so much of me/myself/life as that which was here and only focused on / gave value and importance to one aspect of this.
I commit myself to no more accepting and allowing myself to go into the “back-chat” within myself that “I am limiting myself by doing this” which I see is common back-chat that I participate within when ever I am doing some task that I have accepted and allowed myself to define as “boring” or “insignificant” and also to within this pin-point the memory/thought which trigger this back-chat of “I am limiting myself by doing this” and to trace this back-chat back finding the source and the Character to which this back-chat belong to assist and support myself to live/be Here Equally in every breath in full attention, care and detailed direction.
I commit myself to realize that only a Character gives value to skills from the perspective of defining self as “more or less than” based on the skills one possess.
I commit myself to see/realize/understand the equal value of all things that I do, and to within and as my expression direct myself to transform the entirety of myself to be aligned with what is best for all so that my expression no matter what I do is of real value as it support Life to its full potential.
I commit myself to identifying when ever a point comes up where I accept and allow myself to disregard my system responsibilities, particularly within how I prioritize my system responsibilities within my life and ask myself the question. Is my prioritization of my Life based on Practical Common Sense within the Context of what is best for ALL that has been placed in awareness by myself as what is most practical within this context? Or is my prioritization of my life still based in characters and particularly “The Artist” Character who I within accepted and allowed myself to prioritized Self Interested tasks as being important and having value and essentially did everything in power to hide from giving directing “System Responsibilities”, and so to identify within myself where my priorities are still being influenced/decided/manipulated by this character and to thus Assert myself within my Physical Living Behaviour / Action to Align myself as that which I give attention/physical direction to as the Living Priorities of myself to be those /as those that is in fact Self Responsible and Aligned within the Context of Taking responsibility for myself and my life within the context of what is best for all.
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