Pre-Meditating My Postponement – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 86

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop inner patterns within myself where I will prepare to procrastinate by thinking about / participating with thoughts /pictures about what I will do and when in relation to my week, specifically in relation to “the weekend” when I am off work, which I have already before I reach the weekend have prepared within my mind all that I will do and participate with, not realizing that this preparation has been within the acceptance and allowance of procrastination within seeing the weekend as my time off from work and so allow myself to go more easily into procrastination which I had actually prepared for already during the week as I imagined what I would do on the weekend where I would participate within pictures/images within me of me relaxing and lounging about, not taking into consideration simply continuing my practical directive movement on the weekends instead of accepting and allowing myself to program in procrastination as I see I have done this as I am aware of when something is procrastination and when something is not and I see that I have in fact prepared/planned for procrastination already during the work week, within giving attention to specific thoughts about what I would do on the weekend such as relaxing or driving around or sleeping in or watching movies, meanwhile justifying this as perfectly acceptable because “I work hard during the week” and “I need to relax at least sometimes”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone doing my dip assignment(s) where I have accepted and allowed myself to justify this postponement by making myself believe that I really do not have enough time to work on it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately put the thought of me doing my DIP Assignment out of my mind telling myself that “I cannot do it and that I must first arrange other points in my life first and so doing this assignment is a long ways away and thus I do not have to even participate with thinking about doing it” and so just immediately suppress the thought/point that come up within me about doing my SRA assignments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as “not yet effectively prepared” to do my SRA assignment that I have been postponing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify putting off/postponing my SRA assignment for a little longer and a little longer by speaking/back-chatting within me that “I will not continue with it anyways and that I will just end up doing it this once anyways and not doing it consistently” and so use this as a valid excuse/justification to not move myself to physically walk through / continue with my SRA lessons.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the back-chat that “once I get everything back in order with my life” then I will do SRA again, and thus to continue postponing doing my SRA assignments/lessons.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest a kind of blackness within me towards doing /continuing my SRA Lessons where I have defined this something that “is not a part of my life” and so thus suppress this point completely when ever a thought comes up about once again taking on this point of and directing myself within completing/walking through my lessons.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the back-chat “there is no way” in relation to doing my SRA Lessons that I have put-off doing for so long, where within this back-chat statement of “there is no way” I have accepted and allowed myself to make it seem like “it is obviously” not something that I would do and that it is “apparently an obvious point that has no place in my world at the moment” where I use this idea that doing my SRA lesson is apparently “just way off the mark” to support myself to be able to suppress this point within myself and keeping this point of doing my SRA lessons in a position where I have effectively managed to subdue this point and suppress this point quite effectively where I am able to maintain my current life with me “not feeling the effects/consequences” so to speak of me continuing to not give this point of doing my SRA Lessons regularly, direction in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize the back-chat that “my life is not yet set up effectively for me to be able to integrate doing my SRA lessons as a consistent part of my life, and so within accepting this as valid, not do my assignment at all, not even once, but just use this point of “my life is not effectively set up yet to accommodate such a point” to effectively push this point off to the side where I just continue living out my same habbits/patterns/lifestyles where I see/realize/understand that this “Life” that I live in fact still accept and allow behaviours of simply supporting the mind as finding/generating positive energy by doing things that is only related to generating/feeling positive energy and so thus see/realize/understand that it is more Self Responsible to cut out these aspects of my world where I see I am blatantly just supporting the/my mind and to instead of this Direct Myself Responsibly where for instance I could utilize that time where I would have been just supporting the generation of myself as positive energy to Apply myself within my SRA lessons.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my tiredness that comes up within me when I am Directing myself practically within writing, or reading or other practical responsibilities/commitments I have made for myself, by participating with the back-chat that “I am tired because of work”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the “grogginess” I experience is real where I will participate within myself in back-chat that tells me that “this grogginess is taking me over” and that “it is real” , “I can’t fight it” , “I am powerless”, and within this justify not directing/applying myself here in and as Self Specificity because I am apparently now not able to be specific because “I am to tired.”

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that those things/tasks within my life that I “have not yet gotten to” are not “not here” or “pertinent within the ‘context’ of my life” but that have postponed by postponing the seemingly unimportant moments where I will not give direction to certain point because it seems unimportant and that over time all these small ‘seemingly unimportant moments’ accumulate where I never actually get to all that I would like to give direction to in my world because I have in fact made a choice to postpone these such points Id like to do but accepting and allowing myself to participate within the postponement character beforehand, not accepting and allowing myself realize that my decision to participate within / exist within postponement now and today means that down the road, so many things that I would have been able to do I will not have time for – Not because there was no time for them – but because I did not effectively directive myself within my world to ensure that I did in fact have the time open that was/is open for me to complete such points if I stop my accepted and allowed participation in postponement and thus

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that postponement as missed moments-of-direction pile up and accumulate filling the space that I would have had available for me as time to do all that I wanted to do but now must cut my list short because I am making up for lost time trying to complete that which I could have completed before but decided to postpone and instead of Directing Myself Responsibility and Allowed my Mind to Direct me as Postponement Character where instead of giving preference to My Practical Responsibilities and Gave preference to just “feeling good” and “positive energy” which act like stones on the track that derail me within my Standing Here as Self Responsibility within the context of what is best for all, and so thus instead of developing and preparing myself effectively to be able to take on Responsibilities to support what is best for all, I end up missing this opportunity because I instead opted for postponement of this disciplining and standing of myself, for to just experience positive energy and in essence my own self interested experience of myself as energy which does not take into consideration in any way what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to use as a reference “that which I know I must do” to guide/support me within my process of stopping/ending procrastination of myself where I Align myself to direct / give priority to, in my life, that which I Actually in Self Honesty Know within me must be done, Doing this and Directing myself within this daily as a practical starting point guideline to getting my life restructured in a practical self responsible way based on principle not feeling, and to thus within this Stop Procrastinating , justifying my procrastination by making it seem like these things “I Know I must Do” are unimportant when I in fact see within myself that I should be giving direction to these responsibilities that I have made out to be not important by living a life where I have accepted and allowed Procrastination to run rampant in the “what I give my attention to” in my life/myself thus ultimately creating myself as a grossly diminished expression of what I could have been / could be if I stopping inviting procrastination into my life to hang out and instead Restored Myself and My Life by Aligning to Directing/Moving myself within that which I Self Honesty Know must be done.

I commit myself to within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application assist and support myself to become Self Directive within my world in getting my practical responsibilities directed and Aligning me within the Practical Direction and Support of/as what is best for all in every moment.

I commit myself to stop “making space” for  / Planning For Procrastination but to when I see such thoughts/pictures come up within me where in for instance I will be at work and a picture will come up my mind of “me laying about, watching movies on the weekend” I stop immediately in participating with that picture and bring myself back here in the task at hand as I realize that this is exactly how I “plan for procrastination” and thus basically lay out exactly how I will procrastinate and when, and also within this, I commit to exploring the specific justifications as back-chat statements/ideas/thoughts that come up within me about why it is “Ok” for me to plan for my procrastination.

I commit myself to dedicate myself stopping my procrastination habbits, where I Re-Align myself to Self Responsibility by Asserting myself to Stop Following Energy as that which I have accepted and allowed myself to seek instead of remaining here within directing myself within tasks of Practical Responsibility within the context of what is best for all, which I realize has absolutely nothing to do with energy and is not in any way about following or creating energy or experiences within me but it is about sticking to principle instead of feeling, and thus walking that which is Doing / Moving of myself that is NOT based on positive or negative energy but that is based on practically looking at/assessing what is best for all and then directing myself accordingly within the tasks at hand.

I commit myself to practicing following through on tasks where I make a commitment to complete a task and then I direct myself to do so, and then when that “feeling/experience” comes up within me of “wanting to stop” or “moving myself into something else where there is energy (positive energy) involved” I do not direct/move myself according to that but practice walking within Principle so to become more effective and stable within my application of me in remaining Here and Directing Myself as Self Responsibility in what is best for all.

I commit myself to pushing through my resistance and block that I have  accepted and allowed myself to create in relation to my SRA assignment and to Physically move myself to open up the assignment and take on the “next step” that is required to be done, realizing that doing this is not about energy and that I will have to give up my existence as energy to in fact be able to practically walk all of my responsibilities because at the moment it takes up time to feed/fuel my addiction to energy / positive energy / feeling good, and thus I do not have time left over to direct myself practically and responsibly.

I commit myself push myself to remain here in and as Breath Directing Myself Practically/Responsibly  and Specifically breath by breath, one after the other, instead of using this time that I have available for me on earth to follow /chase energy as self interest within and as time spent as / the application of  Procrastinating/Procrastination, to within this just create the same stuff over and over and over due to not Re-Asserting myself to actually apply myself differently within Directing / Applying myself within practical responsibility as my first priority and to from this, Change my Living and thus my life as what I accept and allow myself to create, and so within this actually change myself / my life instead of just living out the same ol’ shit and wishing hoping I will change or that my life will change, but never willing myself to actually do by changing my living behaviour within Actually Stopping consistently  my participating  in procrastination as the exact way that I have created my current life that lead/live.

I commit myself to practicing physical movement in my practical responsibilities as a simplistic point of aligning myself within directing me within practical responsibility and stopping my participation in postponement which is where I will move myself away from my practical responsibilities and thus not physically direct myself in them in a single moment when a point/moment/window open up where I see before me a practical responsibility which I could direct, and so I commit myself to practicing immediate physical movement as the Living of Decisions where I Decide within me to Give Direction to my Practical responsibilities and then immediately Take this Internal Decision to a Physical Decision where it becomes a Physical Act/Action/Direction Immediately not accepting and allowing myself to get Side-Tracked by my mind by/through accepting and allowing myself to participate with Postponement as the Postponement Character.

 

FEATURED EQAFE INTERVIEW

Life Review – Waiting For My Life To Happen

Other Desteni Links

desteni.org

eqafe.com

equalmoney.org

desteniiprocess.com

Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs

Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs

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