Have I Really Given It My All? – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 87

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the “I don’t know” Character as the statement “I don’t know” not seeing/realizing/understanding how this Character exist within me as a kind of defence mechanism that comes up in moments to be used as an excuse or justification for me to not “go further” or “direct myself within exploring/opening up a point” where the real truth is, I never really wanted to “go further” or “explore/open up the point anyways” otherwise I would have just done it, and thus

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that my “I don’t know character” as the statement of “I don’t know” is not real but just an excuse I tell myself to justify my “not in fact really wanting to know” but to instead of really knowing and facing this point of me actually knowing what I am doing and who I am for real, I continue to exist in my accepted and allowed life as self limitation, self interest, self abuse where I do not have to take responsibility for what is here but instead just exist for me only, for my personal / individual existence of and as me as My own God, living my own life for me only, not caring to consider others/all that is here and Changing my expression of me into that which Actually Support me and Support Life within the context of What is best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Exist within and as the Starting Point of “Not Actually Wanting to Know” which then create the perfect conditions as “who I am” for me to “buy into” this line of bull-shit that I feed myself as the statement of “I don’t know” Instead of changing transforming / re-aligning the Starting point of me to “Actually wanting to know” where I would no more accept this statement of “I don’t know” as a valid excuse/reason/justification to stop myself from looking at a point / exploring a point in a moment when in this new starting point I would simply walk within and as myself as my Starting Point of “I Do want to know” and thus would walk right through this excuse/justification  of “I don’t know” that comes up as my accepted and allowed statement as excuse that I have programmed as/into me within my existence as me existing from the starting point of “I don’t really want to know”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize the statement of “I don’t know” when I feared friction in relation to what I do know but do/did not want to speak about because it might cause conflict or friction in others as anger/aggression, and so just say “I don’t know” to avoid having to face the conflict that might emerge from the truth of what I do know but that others may not like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in childhood program myself to use this statement of “I don’t know” to avoid facing/protect me from conflict from my parents which I feared, if I were to tell them “what I really do know” because I’d probably get in trouble and so from early on started to program this dimension of my “I don’t know” Character as the Character that activate to shield / protect me from facing conflict/consequence.

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed my “I don’t know” character to mutate into absolute self limitation where I have excused myself from the atrocities that we have created here on earth and accepted and allowed myself to do nothing about them as I continued my eveolution of my “I don’t know” character from childhood into a point within me that became an excuse for me to justify the continuation of my Self Interested life where I would not have to take responsibility for myself within and as Directing me within and what is best for all and will support the bringing forth of a world that is best for all as Equal Support for All life on Earth, Education as a Birth Right, Equal and Direct Access for all to the Worlds Resources in a world of plenty,  but I could continue directing me in self interest which bring about a world of self interest, abuse, suffering, povery, war, violence, economic slavery murder etc…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize the “I don’t know” Character as the statement of “I don’t know” to protect me from facing conflict/anger/aggression from others as their Charactered Responses.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to Align my starting point of who I am with “Actually wanting to know” where I will stop at nothing and in fact Will myself to/within my full ability to know who I am and understand/realize/see what is really here as this existence and myself and how I created this existence and myself and so to thus, see/realize/understand how to create a world that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by not Aligning who I am as the starting point of me to “Finding a way” as “where there is a will there is a way” but instead accepted and allowed myself to exist as “not wanting to know” as “hiding” as the starting point of myself and thus accepted me as this starting point and what emerge as who I am as the flow-out of this starting point of “not wanting to know” as the world of war, violence, suffering, murder, fear, poverty, starvation that now exist as a direct consequence and reflection of me as my accepted and allowed participation of myself in every moment.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize/see how I was hiding from myself within accepting and allowing myself to exist as the “I don’t know Character” not seeing/realize how I have never applied myself to my full ability but have always accepted me as less than what I am capable of, because if I actually Willed myself and applied and directed me within my Full Potential, I Will in fact Change, and this is what I have accepted and allowed myself to in fact Not Want to do, and so thus just continued to participate in this “I don’t know” Character because this perfectly support me as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be as the life/self that I now exist within and as which I have accepted and allowed myself to In fact want to just continue living out without actually changing and directing myself within and as what is best for all, because if I do that, then I will have to give up my current existence of Self Interest, which I am trying to protect and refuse to stop even though I see that it is not really Life/Living and thus, this entire process if quite a “Stupidity – Loop” as I am in fact arguing for my Self Limitation as a Life where I can abuse myself and Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a Myriad of Characters to support me in my Self Limitation where I will never go to the depth of myself and life as what is here and actually possible as life, nor will I exercise my full potential as my ability to express/will /move myself because this requires “Effort”, Effort as the accepted and allowed definition of  Myself as the Mind as “doing that which does not support the movement of myself within generating positive energy/feelings as my Pursuit of Happiness of/for the benefit of only me as my individual life in separation from all others.” Where in this I have not Directed myself to Explore the Depths of me/life, getting to know how this existence / everything / Myself really works and in this Bringing forth a Solution to this world that everyone actually want within themselves but have not willed themselves to actually bring forth.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not do things that requires “effort” not seeing/realize that that which I have defined as “Requiring Effort” is actually an “experience of resistance” that comes up when I am moving/directing myself within actual self honest exploring of who I am and how to direct/change myself to that which is best for all where this experience of resistance/effort comes up as a defence mechanism of the mind that comes up as an Experience that I have accepted and allowed myself to never go beyond as when I cross into this territory I am no longer existing for only my self interest and thus no more participating within the generation of “energy/positive energy” which I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as for my entire life and so thus Me as the existence of this positive energy starts to die and is thus, obviously threatened and so utilize this experience of resistance which I have defined also/similarly as “things that require Effort” to prevent me from going into that which is actually best for me/all, not realizing that in allowing this experience of resistance to stop me from directing myself, it is exactly the same as utilizing the Excuse/Statement “I don’t know” which/where if I accept either one of these excuse points – It is indicating exactly the same thing – That “I don’t want to know” that “I do not want to do self honest investigations into what is here/who I am – and that Ultimately, I still want to continue existing as who I am as Self Interest and don’t in fact want to change.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize/see/understand that the only reason I don’t change is because I don’t want to. If I did want to change, I would find a way to do so.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself realize that I haven’t in fact given it my all, but just accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have. And so within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am capable of more than I am allowing myself to be/do, but if I am afraid of “Effort” then I will never Will myself beyond my Self Accepted Limitations / Current Self / Current Life.

I commit myself to facing “things that require effort” instead of turning from them and trying to avoid them.

I commit myself to finding each point within me that is holding me within the statement/existence of/as “I don’t want to change” and thus walk my process of writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application, moving / transforming myself from the starting point of me as “I don’t want to change” to “I am changing” and in this willing and moving myself to step by step, point by point take responsibility for myself and physically change who I am both as the inner and outer of me to stand As Life within and as Equality and Oneness and what is Best for ALL.

I commit myself to transforming myself to Stand Equal and One to the Purity of Child, so that when I support/teach a child, I do not actually poison that child with the lies/secrets/dishonesties within me but stand here as a Practical Example of Living Life as Self Honesty that in fact the support the child within the potential and possibilities of Life.

I commit myself standing up within and as Self Honesty where I push/direct myself to no more accept and allow the statement of “I don’t know” within and as myself because I see, like I have been seeing with so many other points that this is simply an Excuse that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and believe but that the real point here is that if I Really Did want to be Self Honesty and Walk in and as Self Stability doing what is best for me and Best for ALL, I would Do it, I would find a way, I would will myself to support me to do this and so any time I accept an excuse such as “I don’t know” this is showing me that “I don’t want to know” and that ultimately I am still wanting to live/exist within Self Interest because I see/realize/understand that if I wanted to change and wanted to know, I will do everything in my power to do, something that I see that i have not yet done, and so thus cannot claim to “not know” as there is still many things/possible solutions for me to explore/apply myself within.

I commit myself to within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective statements/application assist and support myself to let go of/release my Self Interested wants, needs and desires that are in fact indicated and revealed within the acceptance and allowance of the statement “I don’t know” and so thus when and as I see the acceptance and allowance of this statement of “I don’t know” within me I ask myself the question – What is it that I am still holding onto , still wanting to experience as Self Interest, that I have given value to , that is holding myself within this point of “Not Wanting To Know” and then move/direct me to apply self forgiveness on this point to assist and support myself to stop all excuses within me so that I simply move/direct myself here within self support as “Wanting to know and finding a way” and thus Directing myself within that which is best for all.

I commit myself to within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application, assist and support myself to transform myself from my existence as Self Interest to Existing Here within and as What is Best For ALL, where in this I change the Starting Point of myself in/as moments of “Not wanting to know” to “Wanting to Know” and thus take on this “I don’t know” Character that I have accepted and allowed myself to create/design/program as Myself and to in moments where I see this Character / excuse of “I don’t know” coming up within me, utilize that moment as an opportunity to transform the starting point of myself from “I don’t want to know” to “ Doing everything within my power to know/find out” where in I move/direct myself to Self Honestly Look at the point/moment I am facing where this Character/Excuse of “I don’t know comes up” and I look at what I am able to practically do to assist and support myself to do with in that moment making sure that I have in fact done everything I am able to or if I am stopping short and not actually moving myself in a direction/avenue that that I have not yet explored that could be a possible solution and also to direct myself to Ask Questions to support me in my movement to coming to clarity on the point I am working with such as asking myself “Have I really explored every possible avenue I am able to” or even asking others for perspective/feedback when I am stuck,  where in doing this, I no more accept and allow myself to participate with / exist within the statement of “I don’t know” and so thus point by point, moment by moment Re-Direct myself as the Authority as me within and as the starting point of “Doing everything within my ability to support me to come to clarity” no more accepting and allowing “I don’t know” as an excuse which I realize I utilize before I actually explore all possible avenues within my ability to explore.

I commit myself  to stopping my accepted and allowed Self Definition of Myself as Limited that I have accepted as me because in this, I can justify Why I don’t change, participating with the excuse of for example “I don’t know” to support me to continue my existence of Addiction and Abuse of Self and Others and Life for my own personal interests and pursuit of happiness and positive feelings. I Realize that to Define of Myself as Limited is Perfectly Convenient because then I can Remain in my Current Life of Self Interest. I See that within letting go of Self Limitation this implies that I Can/Will Change.

I commit myself to willing myself to walk through moments where my pre-programmed excuse/justification of “I don’t know” comes up within me, as I see that this statement of “I don’t know” is in fact an outflow statement of the source of the point that is “I don’t want to know” which I no more accept and allow as myself but assist and support myself through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application transform to “I Do want to know “ and so thus push/direct/will me to do everything within my power/hands/ability to come to clarity with what ever I am working on as I see any excuse to limit/stop me from directing myself within my full potential / ability is in fact Self Accepted Limitation, and thus I commit myself to no more accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within accepting the statement / excuse within me of “I don’t know” as to accept me as limited is not best for me or best for all.

FEATURED EQAFE INTERVIEW

Reptilians – Giving Up Knowledge For Life

Other Desteni Links

desteni.org

eqafe.com

equalmoney.org

desteniiprocess.com

Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs

Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs

7 Year Journey To Life Facebook Page

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