Smouldering Desires: An Artists Journey To Life: Day 82

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself within my walking/standing/directing myself in Self Honesty and Self Responsibility because I see within myself, secret thoughts that are not aligned with walking/living in Self Honesty.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that trying to walk self dishonesty and self honesty at the same time does not work and is like 2 trains converging onto the same track which will dislodge/derail/dis-track the trains and so my walking of and as Self Honesty will be violently disrupted as my secret path of Self Dishonest eventually meet my path of Self Honesty causing a collision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to store within myself secret desires which cause inner turmoil within me as these secret desires are not Aligned with Self Honesty and so end up making the entire equation inbalanced and causing myself to become de-tracked because I cannot remain Stable within myself Walking/Standing as Self Honesty if there is something within me that is not Self Honest, as I have not committed all parts of me to this Self Honesty Walking / Living, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and attempt to walk 2 roads at once as Self Honesty as what is best for all and Self Dishonesty as Self Interest. I cannot walk 2 roads at once, I can only walk one road as there is only one of me Here, and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to Make a Decision to walk Self Honesty instead of trying to walk 2 paths which ultimately does not work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my desires/wants/needs to smoulder within me instead of distinguishing them completely once and for all because in allowing my wants/needs/desires to smoulder within me, what happens is this suddenly in one moment turns into a bigger flame which consume me/take me over and sabotage me within my process of walking self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep my desires smouldering within me which is indicating that I am still wanting to participate within such desires because otherwise I would not keep it smouldering which to do actually takes my direct support and so this indicating that I am in fact keeping such desires smouldering for that moment when the moment arise for me to feed that tiny smouldering amber to have it ignite and become a large flame which consume me as the specific experience / energetic experience that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe I require to “Make my Life Good” and thus fear no more feeding / nurturing this smouldering ambers as all my secret desires / wants / needs that I still want to live out as my Self Interest instead of extinguishing these smouldering ambers so they no more exist/have power within me and I instead Align myself to walking living What is Best for ALL instead of just living to created Energetic Experiences within me that consume like a form of an “High” that I have become addicted to and have allowed to dictate who I am and how I live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed my smouldering ambers as secret desires/wants/needs by thinking about them, within and as my mind where in that very moment I think about / picture such desires/wants/needs as a thought within my mind I Feed that smouldering amber so that it begins to ignite and the flames start to grow, extending themselves further into and as me which is showing me in and as my participation with / feeding of / nurturing of  these smouldering  ambers of wants/needs/desires within me that I am still accepting and allowing myself to believe I need and require these wants/needs/desires and am not yet willing to give up self interest for Self Honesty as is indicated by Degree by the number of smouldering ambers as self interested wants/needs/desires I still keep safely within me, protecting so these self interested wants/needs/desires do not burn out so I can, when the moment arise, ignite such desires/wants/needs into a raging flame that consume me so that I can experience the ecstasy and elation of specific energies saturating the entirety of me which I have not yet made a decision to give up and walk here as breath within and as the Interest of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to give up my burning desires of Self Interest for Self Honesty Living within the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to plan my life specifically and deliberately so that my path end up “accidentally” which is not an accident at all, but planned, crossing /meeting up with my desires/wants/needs so that I can, once again ignite the flame of my secret smouldering desire to be consumed by my desired experience of myself as energy that only I experience not caring or looking at anything else in this life but me and my own individual experience

I see/realize/understand that I have not worked with my smouldering desires but have in essence kept them deep within me smouldering, waiting for that moment where I am able to ignite them again, and thus have not actually released me yet from these self interested desires.

I see/realize/understand that I have not effectively investigated these inner secret smouldering desires so that I can see the real/true nature of what they are. I have began to see how these such desires are points within me that I have created /designed within myself through having attached specific values to certain memories/moments which I have then stored within me and grouped together with other “like” memories /moments in doing this, forming specific conglomerations of memories/moments which I have given/attached value to that have become my wants/needs/desires – Thus I require to go specifically into each of these memory/moment conglomerations as desires to walk back and forgive myself for giving/attaching t value to such memories/moments.

I see/realize/understand that I these smouldering desires equate to one thing – Self Interested Experience of Self Alone in Separation From everything else that is here where each time I go into such experiences is a statement of “Who I Am” as in such moments accepting Myself and My Personal Experience having More Value than What is Best for ALL – Indicating that I am placing myself as being more important or more valuable than the rest of existence in its entirety.

I  see/realize/understand that I have allowed myself to ignore these points/smouldering ambers within me instead of taking each memory/picture within me that lead to the ignition of these smouldering amber desires and to Apply Specific Self Forgiveness to release the “value” I have given to such memories/pictures/smouldering desires and to within this step by step disengage these such smouldering ambers so that they die out and no more exist within and as me.

I commit myself to walk Here in and as Breath and to not accept and allow myself to be lured over to the smouldering ambers when my life becomes “drab” but to realize that the point is to distinguish all smouldering ambers as self interested desire/want/need for a certain specific experience of myself so to assist and support myself to become more stable within my standing/walking/direction here within my application of Self Responsibility based in principle not feeling.

I commit myself to address my primary smouldering desire and to apply Self Forgiveness on the pictures/memories that make up the substance of this primary smouldering desire so to assist and support myself to no more be a slave to my smouldering desires but to extinguish them and rather re-direct / assert my attention to Here in and as my Moment to Moment walking/living in and as Breath within Directing myself within and as Practical Self Responsibility.

I commit myself to identifying those desires within me that consistently lure me off my Path of Self Honesty as these are the desires that I require to address directly within my process/application of writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application so I can assist and support myself to take my power back and walk my path of Self Honesty and Self Responsibility instead of accepting and allowing my power to remain in the hands of my desires which if I do nothing about it will time and time again lure me off my path of self honesty until I Stop ignoring such points within myself attempting to suppress them so that they go away, but rather address them directly and specifically within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application as a more practical approach to assisting and supporting myself to remain stable on my path of Self Honesty.


Robot Virgins – Fire (Music Track)

Other Desteni Links

Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs

Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs

7 Year Journey To Life Facebook Page


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