Identifying The “Special and Unique” Character – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 74

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to end my total existence as energy addiction, and that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the success of my life according to energy and how I experience myself within/as/according to energy.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to actually direct me to stop my total existence as energy addiction because of the spite I hold within me as Jealousy towards those who have the life that I want where in I accept and allow myself to instead of making a decision to let go of my jealousy and spite, stand in direct opposition to those who have what I want where I refuse to let go of my ego and admit to myself that I must give myself life if I want it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as “not able” if no one will help me, and in this not be willing to actually take that first step of self support instead of wanting others to give to me what I am not willing to give to myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jealous of others who have the life that I want, but that I simply want that life without a willingness to actually support myself to within that which others have walked for themselves as self support to support themselves to stand where they now stand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself use spite and jealousy as an excuse and justification for me to participate in my back-chat which I see when I accept and allow myself to go into back-chat about my life and world and “how terrible it is” comparing my life with those who I perceive to have a better life, even though I realize that I am absolutely responsible for my life and all that is here and that this point does not change where ever I am, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to first want conditions me before I take responsibility for myself and direct myself and my life within self honesty, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist/live conditionally instead of unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to blackmail life and hold life ransom insisting that I must have conditions met for life to prove to me that I am worthy before I will Act Responsibly within what is best for all/life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that it is to difficult and hard where I am to stand/exist in self honesty instead of realizing that this is manipulation of myself to actually manipulate me and make me believe that it is to difficult to stand up where I am, When the truth is I am actually resentful and spiteful of those who I perceive/define to “have it all” or have the life that I want, and so in this spite/resentment am actually refusing to do what is best for all, and refusing to stand in self Honesty and Self Responsibility. Not because I can’t, but because I first Want, Want, Want, and that if I do not first Get, I will not Give, and in this way Live a life of spite and self Interest, indicating that I am not willing to act in the best interest of life and actually care for life even when I able and in this proving myself to not be life but the opposite of this as evil.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “insist” that the conditions of my life are not right for me to Direct Myself in Self Responsibility when If I really cared, I would will myself to find a way, and reveal to myself that there is a way available but the real thing holding me back is my own self interest and my Ego which I am not willing to give up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to retain some kind of Superiority as the “Winning” Character so that I can feel worthy, important and “more than” others, refusing to Equalize myself to ALL life that here and stand one and equal with/as Life but insisting that I am somehow better or more than other life forms no matter what the form is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want rewards and riches and accolades before I will stand up within and as Self Responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a golden carpet laid beneath my feet welcoming me into Life, where everyone stand up and take notice of me as “I, the Magnificent Andrew am now Here to walk what is best for all” and that I refuse to walk what is best for all if no one takes notice of me, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need and require attention, as I thrive off of attention for me to “experience” me the way I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to “getting special attention” for my “special talents” and thus refuse to direct myself unless I get that “special attention”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a Character that will not walk in Self Honesty unless I get some kind of recognition where this Character that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as will make it seem like “I am not able to” walk in self honesty when the real thruth is that I simply want attention and recognition for my efforts and so thus unless I get this I will not do what is best for all and will not walk/direct me in self honesty and within this actually exist within a stupidity loop as I am not allowing myself to give myself the gift of life as walking/living/existing in Self Honesty because I first “want something in return” as recognition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be rewarded for everything I do, and thus have not walked/lived/directed me in self honesty because there is no “reward” as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to as positive energy.

I commit myself to within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application, stop/end my existence as the “Wanting Recognition and Attention” where I exist as a Character always wanting and trying to get the specific energy rewarded/given specially to those who do something unique and special.

I Commit myself to deconstructing my “Unique and Special” Character as that which I have accepted and allowed myself to prevent me from actually walking humbly in self honesty because in self honesty I do not exist as an Ego and thus it is not about attention or recognition or being noticed, that which I have accepted and allowed myself to pursue as Character living  throughout my life, existing as a Character that must have some kind of special attention or recognition for  my specialness and uniqueness.

I commit myself to stepping out of the “Special Attention” Character as I see that within existing within and as such a Character I have sabotaged myself within my Process of Self Honesty because I, as the “Special Attention” Character have not been willing to walk this, as in this there is not special attention given, and so I accepted and allowed myself to “hold out” and rather not walk my process of self honesty, waiting and waiting and waiting patiently day in and day out until someone show me that special attention “I deserve” before I will walk my process of Self Honesty, and thus I Commit myself to stop “holding out” for that special attention as I realize that Self Honesty is about Equality and What is Best for ALL where ALL life is Equal and Thus there is not such thing as Special Attention.

I commit myself to identifying ALL the moments I accept and allow myself to step into/access  this “Special Attention” Character, who as me is unwilling to move/direct myself in Self Honesty, without first getting special attention, and I commit myself to stop and delete this character from my life and walking Self Honesty without needing or requiring any special attention or recognition.

desteni.org

eqafe.com

equalmoney.org

desteniiprocess.com

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