The Silent Observer’s Fear of Conflict – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 70

“because a personality is an accumulation/manifestation of characters that are similar/the same – when you identify/walk a personality thoroughly in writing/self-forgiveness you will in that also walk through all the characters that created/manifested the personality as you walk the entire network/manifestation of the personality/characters that created it as you” – Sunette Spies

Further Perspective on “Characters” and “Personalities” see

Creations Journey To Life Blogs

day 78 – stepping out of character

day 79 – stepping out of character with loved ones

day 80 – Creating a Character

day 81 – The Only Real Character

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in back-chat towards ‘M’ and that I have not sourced the point out to determine why I am accepting and allowing this Back-chat to run rampant within my mind when I am aware of it, but still not stopping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in back-chat towards ‘m’ where I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in back-chat about how ‘m’ is wrong in how he is treating people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a “Character”  that “Draws a Line” with regards to how people are supposed to be treated, and use this line drawn to justify participating in back-chat about how it is wrong/incorrect to treat people meanly and disrespectful.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am reacting to “M” taking personally what he say’s and does, and in this going into back-chat instead of sourcing out the point within myself and applying self forgiveness until I no longer react.

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to blame “M” for my reaction and speak within myself that “he is making my job unstable” as the reason for why I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in back-chat towards him as anger within me that is within the nature of this back-chat I am directing/aiming/projecting at “M” in reaction to what he say’s and does.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to “m” for things he say’s and implies about me and my abilities at work, because I interpret this as “him threatening me for not reason but only as a way to take out is frustration and anger onto someone else” and within this, I come up with all kinds of reasons why “this is not acceptable, like for instance, “its not right to threaten someone’s job” but the real point is I am angry and reacting because “M” is taking his anger and frustration out onto me which is the point I do not like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see “M” as abusing his power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge “M” and be critical within a negative judgement towards “M” for “abusing his power”

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I don’t really care who it is, but the point is I do not like when others take there frustrations out on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in absolute anger when “M” gets frustrated and begins to act out the Character of being “Displeased” where everyone and everything else is “at fault” including me, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to completely react to this Character that blames everyone else for its problems.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am a Character reacting to a Character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the Character of absolutely despising the Character that blames others for their problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want “M” to be upset as this is some kind of reward and that I actually derive positive energy / pleasure from “M” becoming more frustrated and angry, as I “get off” on the “irrationality” of watching this “Character” completely react and compound and compound and compound reactions within becoming more and more irrational where within myself I am wanting this being to completely Self Destruct and lose all accountability and disappear from my life completely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel completely stuck when I see someone reacting irrationally because then there is nothing I can say to rationalize with them and get them to see common sense which is the only way that I understand how to in fact give direction to this situations scenario.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to communicate with “M” about what is going on – but instead not communicate and avoid communication saying to myself within my thoughts/back-chat that “I cannot rationalize with this being because they are to irrational” yet I have made absolutely no attempt to assert myself within communicating to “M” as a point to assist and support in stabilizing what I am perceiving to be irrational behavior by “M”, all because I would rather “Avoid Conflict” and “Avoid actual intimate communication with a being”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assert myself a little bit within the point of actually communicating directly to “M” about things, and then in only doing this a little and then having it not work, say “oh well, I tried” when in fact I did not in fact direct this point of communication effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist doing the very common sensical thing that I see as a possible solution to this situation which is simplistically – “Communicate with “M””.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not Direct this situation in my life, this situation that is actually having an impact/influencing my daily living as I spend allot of time around this being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking/communicating to people that I don’t really know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come to a conclusion how “M” will react, when in fact I have never directed myself to communicate intimately with “M” and thus actually do not know how “M” will respond, because I have no idea who “M” really is, as my perception of him has not foundation in actual substantial communication with him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid communicating with “M” because I have defined this as the best/most effective/direct way to “avoid conflict” not taking into consideration that the point of conflict that I end up frustrated with each day will only compound and compound if it is not directed within and as actually speaking/communicating with “M” hoping he will sort himself out, and hoping the conflictual point will “go away” which common sense indicate that the silence will only feed the tension as there is no communication and everything just stays inside beings instead of actually coming to resolutions through effective communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold memories within me of “M” being irritable, and lashing out at others and so each time I consider telling him something, recall these memories which I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by, assuming this is how things will go again, and not consider that if I am not willing to face this point, then It is not just going to resolve itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a personality of “not-communicating” which has been a central theme in my life, where as this personality the “best option” is to avoid communication and put off communicating, because “this is how I do things” “this is how I live” “this is how I have always done things” “I don’t need to communicate” and I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stop existing as this personality suit that has been a prominent point in my life as the way to “address problems” where I rather then communication, avoid them at all costs, and just keeping putting off communication as a way to avoid conflict, never addressing the point, and so the corrective point here is to in fact Stop and Delete this Personality of “Remaining The Silent Observer” and instead Directing myself to Assert myself as the Directive Principle of My life as Communication as a point to face points/ that which I perceive as conflict Directly, instead of trying to do this “indirectly” within Not communicating as the “The Silent Observer”

When and as I see myself as this personality of/as “The Silent Observer” asserting itself as who I am as my pre-programmed / pre-designed way of living/directing myself within my life / directing myself within conflictual situations, I Stop and I do not accept and allow myself to participate/exist within my life as this “Silent Observer” Instead I Direct myself to start facing my world including that which I perceive as conflict more Directly within and as Direct Communication and so transform myself as “Silent Observer” to Active/Direct Participant, facing my world directly within asserting myself within and as Communication no more accepting and allowing myself to exist as the “Silent Observer” which I see is also existing in “Fear of Conflict”

I assert myself to speak to “M” and to do this consistently and constantly until the point of communication is effective and to not just do this “once” as “my attempt to communicate” as I see that this will do nothing, but rather I here within and as this corrective application direct myself to transform myself from “Silent Observer” to Active Director where I take a more Direct Approach to Directing my world within a point of taking Self Responsibility for myself and my world. Thus if I am met with conflict, I commit myself to stand from the perspective of asserting myself as communication as a Solution of Resolution instead of electing to remain in Silence which I see has the potential in itself to in fact Create More Conflict, thus, doing the opposite of which I am attempting to do which is “avoid conflict”

I commit myself to within writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application support myself in identifying all the Characters I have created within myself that “make-up” this “Silent Observer” personality and so support myself to re-gain my directive principle of me within my world/reality by asserting myself within and as Direct and Straight Forward Communication as a point to facilitate finding Solutions to and Directing Myself and My world. This is not as a point to assert myself as superior or as ego trying to control my world , this Is a self corrective application I am applying as myself within seeing / realizing how I have within/throughout my life always elected to avoid communicating due to fear, particularly where I perceived there to be conflict and thus see here a point which I am able to assist and support myself with to become more effective within and as myself as a Creative/Directive Principle, and so to assist and support ourselves here as life to be more effective within our movements and interactions within our world and creating a world and finding solutions that is best for all.

desteni.org

eqafe.com

equalmoney.org

desteniiprocess.com

Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs

Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s