A History of Avoiding “System Stuff” – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 68

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid doing “system stuff” like taking care of paperwork or that which I am responsible for to maintain my world and support my existence/stability within the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be “chasing” with regards to trying to catch up with the necessary responsibilities I have to maintain myself in the system, where instead of placing these such responsibilities as a daily task I give direction to, I classify this as something that “I don’t want to do” and that “I only do when it really has to be done”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a Character that I have created that believes that it is impossible to be on top of things with regards to paper work and my practical functionality within the system to the degree where such points become my first priority that I maintain within consistency instead of accepting and allowing myself to exist in relation to such responsibilities from the perspective of only doing them once in a while to just make sure they do not sink completely, and so am satisfied with just having the points “stay afloat” and that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify such an approach to directing my practical system maintenance believing that “I don’t have time to do” when in the truth is I simply have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a Character that never has time but if I were to step out of Character and direct these points within consistency then they would be get done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a  Character that “Puts off, giving practical direction to paper work / system stuff” where I continually put it off and put it off until the very last minute where in I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore and neglect such points and defining them as “not important” when in fact the are crucial to my sustainability here within the system.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to step out of Character and prepare what is required to be prepared to be able to give practical direction to the “system stuff” such as paperwork and bills paying and owing, during my week, instead of just going about my day and “not bothering” to fit these points in, accepting and allowing myself to ignore points within my world that are actually quite important.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to direct these system points in consistency each day/week, where this becomes a part of my regular routine and no more accept and allow myself to exclude these points from my daily routine simply because it is not something I “want” to do.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize the practical necessity of such points in in fact, practically moving and directing myself within the System, and that I time after time come to points where I think within myself “why is nothing in my life ever moving” meanwhile constantly and consistently not only ignoring, but Effectively Ignoring these practical system points which require direction in my world to insure I am playing by and understanding the rules and regulations of the system.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to start with these basic points as a point of Consistent Application to organize my world and thus no more accepting and allowing myself to come home to a messy, disorganized room, feeling like “I have not time” and am “behind” not realizing/seeing that this “Experience” I have as feeling like “I have no time” or am “so behind” is an experience I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest as me through and as the living out of one of the Various Characters I have created to “Step Into” and animate in moments and situations that I do not want to take responsibility for, and so build into such Characters excuses and justifications that the actual Characters in themselves as me as my Living out of Such Characters are incapable of giving direction to, and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stop existing in and as Self Created Characters in hiding from my responsibilities of my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as/within the Character that “would like to get that paperwork done, but has no time for it” instead of stepping out of Character and aligning myself and my living to assisting and supporting myself to be effective in the system.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that this particular Character that I exist as to avoid doing paperwork, uses “Tiredness” as an excuse as the reason why I am not doing it because “I am tired after a long day of work” and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to delete this accepted and allowed Character trait as excuse that within utilization perpetuate myself and my world within its “Stuck State” because “I am always tired after a long day of work” even when in Self Honesty I am able to direct myself to get things done, but that I never accept and allow myself to direct me as because of having patterned myself to exist within a state of tiredness “after a long day of work”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “like” the “state of tiredness” I allow as me after work because then I can slouch and lay back and not have to sit up and Direct Myself in Breath, which will be uncomfortable from the perspective of this will be me actually facing Resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blindly trust my mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions, and experiences as me instead of directing myself in a way where I am standing up in and as breath and giving effective practical direction to myself within my world in a way that support effective application in my process.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to do even the small things, that eventually accumulate over time, but to instead just put off doing a task all together.

So this point I am writing about here is a point that came up today in looking at some paperwork that I have neglected doing, and also looking at how I have neglected practically organizing my room, and directing myself in a way where after work each day, I actually get to doing the tasks that I would like to do with regards to giving practical direction to the various points in my world that up to now I have not yet effectively established as a consistent routine and thus such points never go anywhere. Within this I end up in a state of guessing or wondering what will unfold instead of being on top of things and Directing my world. I realize that the reason I “guess” and “wonder” about my world is because I have not directed all the points within my world that are here for me to direct and thus if one do not have all the numbers to the equation – one cannot make the calculation or see how the points are unfolding and thus the consequence there-of. So in essence it is taking an approach that limit me in my ability to see effectively and clearly how the relationships within my world are working together, where in, instead I am not seeing / directing the different relationships within my world but more leaving them to chance and ignoring them allot so the point I am seeing as the question that came up today is “why am I not giving direction to all of that which I am able” I feel like I am capable of being so much more effective within my reality but not willing myself to do so, and just accepting and allowing myself to live out My Pre-Programmed “After Work” Character of “not taking actions” so to speak.

I commit myself to stopping my Pre-Programmed Behaviour of “Being Lazy” after work, as if this is an actual real experience that “is just how it is” and that I have no directive principle over because “I am tired after a long day of work”

I commit myself to being Directive After work by taking/walking one step/breath at a time and giving direction to tasks that require to be done even if it is just a small thing.

I commit myself to within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application take on the task of Stepping out of my “After A Long Hard Day of Work” Character as I see that the application I accept and allow myself to exist within as this “After A Long Hard Day of Work” Character  only perpetuate my life of “Stuckness” and “postponement” and leave me existing within “wishing I had done more” and “wondering when I am going to ever get moving on things” and so thus in Stopping and Stepping out of this “After a Long Day of Work” Character I instead Direct myself within and as Self Responsibility Here within my life. No more accepting and allowing myself to neglect the practical maintenance of my room/environment and system responsibilities that Id just rather avoid doing.

I commit myself to within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application stop the “Not Now” statement as directive that comes up within my mind when ever I face Giving Practical Responsible Direction to a point in my world.

I commit myself to when facing such Practical Responsibilities and this statement of “Not Now” comes up within me and I “really don’t want to direct the point” I Stop in such moments and take a breath. I Bring myself back here to my breath and I Give the Point Directing starting with the first point that is necessary to be directed. I do not accept and allow myself to go into overwhelmingness but Direct myself to be here in the moment as breath and directing one point at a time, placing one foot in front of the other and just giving directing to the immediate point at hand and within that accumulating the small points into the completion of tasks and practical physical movement of myself and my world

I commit myself to within doing this actually Allow myself to be a participant in my world instead of just continuing daily to accept me as an observer who observers that there is so much more to what I am living, but then not Directing myself to Live My Life.

I commit myself to identify all the Characters that I now attempt to step into and live as a means/way to sabotage myself within Stepping out of Character and developing Myself as an Effective Participating within my life where I actually dare myself to live instead of just taking the safe route of the observer who is ok and fine with not really doing much, meanwhile not at all being fine with this but accepting this position of and as self within the Character Statement “I just can’t do it” And then watching others live there lives but not ever daring to actually stand up and live myself and so ending up in a constant state of Disappointment.

I see realize understand that I have collectively employed all my Characters to work together as a team where I am constantly stepping out of one and into another to support me to maintain my lie that is my life through perpetuating excuses and that this is a cause of the experience of myself as Disappointment in which ALL my Characters working together manifest as me as one of my primary experiences of me.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to defend my existence of and as Characters as myself that accumulate the experience of me as Disappointment, which is also a Character Trait in itself as accepting this disappointment as me is accepting myself again in a position of being apparently unable to do anything about my situation which I see/realize/understand is not in fact Self Honestly So, but that in Stepping out of ALL Characters, including the Character of Disappointment I stop accepting and allowing myself to exist in and as such experiences and states, but rather re-direct me to give practical direction to my world.

I commit myself to no more accepting and allowing myself to exist as “Disorganized” but to Step out of and Delete the Character that attempt to prevent me from Organizing myself and my world effectively, in every moment this Character of “finding some reason/excuse to not organize myself and my world” show its face, and so I within Writing, Self Forgiveness, and Self Corrective Application will assist and support myself to put an end to/Delete Any and ALL Characters/Character Traits/Experiences of Me that attempt to assert themselves/ that I accept and allow myself to hide within as reasons, justifications and excuses for me not to Be Here as Breath in Practical Self Responsibility and  Organize/Direct myself and my world effectively in a way that supports me to be an effective participant able to see clearly the relationships that are Here creating/moving/animating  my life so to be sure that these such relationships are how I want them so that I am the one as Participant Directing my life in a way that Supports me within establishing stability and effectiveness and organization within my life within my participating within the system that is fundamentally geared towards what is Best for ALL, which I am most certainly not able to do within accepting and allowing myself to close my eyes and letting go of the wheel of my/those responsibilities that I must steer effectively and specifically in so that my Life is Stable and aligned within the yellow lines on the Road to Life that is best for all.

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One thought on “A History of Avoiding “System Stuff” – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 68

  1. Pingback: Contemplation Instead of Direction – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 69 | An Artists Journey To Life

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