My Self Forgiveness point for tonight is related to a point which has emerged over the last 2 days. The point I see is that I have been participating within back-chat within my mind about my current job, and how things are going with work, and where I am currently living and how things are going with my living arrangements where in this back-chat I start going into a form of Self Doubt and Self Sabotage about “My Life”. The point I noticed is how much I was actually believing this back-chat within myself because I do not see it as “back-chat” per-se, I see it as “Myself” and thus “normal” in terms of how I would normally converse within myself within myself, and thus this back-chat becomes so seductive as it all just seem like a “normal conversation” with myself in how I go about talking to myself and assessing everything of myself and world.
So I am going to start here with applying Self Forgiveness on completely falling for the back-chat that emerged within me as the inner conversations I have been participating with and believing over the past couple of days.
One point in particular that I noticed this inner back-chat being about is My Job. I have faced allot of resistance to working my job and so I am going to explore some back-chat thoughts that I have been participating with over the past couple of days which I actually started to agree with and fuel even further.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that all inner self talk where I speak to myself as an inner voice of self is back-chat, and thus a program, which I am accepting and allowing myself to be directed by instead of me directing myself within walking within principle as what is best for all.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that for me to walk this point of standing equal to the system within the context of working/operating a business in the system, that I will actually have to walk this point in real time and it will not just happen easily.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe my back-chat that say’s there should be no resistance, or that resistance is an indication of there being something wrong when in common sense, resistance is an indication that I am standing at a point of self expansion where I am directing myself to walk a point based on common sense practical consideration instead of just taking the path of least resistance where there is no resistance and where everything comes easily.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my back-chat that say’s “there is too much resistance” where I actually start to believe this and doubt/question my direction within my world related to my job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt my decision to walk the job I am walking at the moment, because I experience resistance within doing this, and thus have accepted and allowed myself to believe that resistance is an indication of me making the wrong decision and that I will know when I make the “right” decision because things will flow and there will be no resistance at all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am making my life more difficult than it has to be by working the current job I am working and am thus constantly questioning my decisions I make for me due to how I experience myself within my world day to day, which is often negatively and thus move into questioning the decisions I am making for myself within my main life points that I am walking, such as career.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that right decisions come easily and that if there is friction, than this means I am doing something wrong.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with the back-chat “things should be different” and “my life should be different” and “this is not how my life should be” and to within this constantly exist within a state of questioning because I feel my life should be so much different than it is, because everything always just feels so off.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel “off” about my life from the perspective of constantly questioning my life and existing within doubt towards myself and my direction/application in life due to me seeing myself existing in self dishonesty which I suspect will destroy everything about my life and that because I am not yet self honest that my life will just always be a fuck-up and living hell, and so believe that I am not yet capable of making any effective life decisions for myself.
I forgive myself for not realizing that the resistance I was/am experiencing in relation to work and that was/is supported/generated through participating within back-chat in relation to this resistance experience, is a result of how I programmed myself in relation to working and living in the system where I have always had a massive resistance to working in the system, and thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to walk through that resistance here as breath within sticking to the decision I made for myself to walk this particular job for the moment .
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stop participating in back-chat about this job “not being the right one” and rather direct myself to continue researching and investigating what the most effective way forwards is for myself within the current context of my world, and to thus continue pushing this point practically and expanding/developing my world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with the fear/back-chat that “my job will limit me”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within constant continuous judgement towards myself and my life where my primary assessment of myself in my life is negative, where I judge everything around me from the people I live with to where I live to my job and daily routine as being negative, unworthy, not good enough, and in this existing in a constant judgement towards myself and my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am being punished and that my life is a form of punishment for me being self dishonest and so to look at my life from this perspective and thus automatically assume that “my life is shit” and thus so then must be everything within it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my life as superficial, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as superficial.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as limited within my current point / placement as I have defined myself as being caught/positioned within this “superficial life” which I have defined as extensive limitation, and that I have essentially concluded that my life is superficial based on a presumption that I am supposedly being punished for something or am not able to or ready to or willing to live self honesty and thus I will suffer within a superficial life, and thus have defined everything of my life to my roommates to my job as superficial, limited, unworthy, weak, a mistake, doing all of this within the belief that I am not able to transform this life which where I now stand into Real Substantial Living.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel powerless to create my life into Real Substantial Living, and thus feel/experience me trapped within my “superficial life”
I commit myself to opening up my superficial life so I can see/realize how all that which I am defining as Superficial is a reflection of me as what I am accepting and allowing to exist as me as the relationship I have with and as myself as Who I Am.
I commit myself utilizing my world as a “jumping off point” where I am able to take that of my life which I define as superficial and look at why I define it as such and what judgements to I have against that particular point where I can use such points as reflections of myself to see where within myself I am holding onto/existing within self judgements /perceptions towards myself which I am projecting onto others/my world.
I commit myself to revealing to me how that which I define as superficial within and as myself and my world is only based on my pre-programmed definitions that I have accepted within and as me as my “view of the world”. A “view” that is not based on Life as Equality and Oneness and Best for ALL.
I commit myself to daily writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application as the process I walk as Self Support to transform my Superficial Life into one of Substance and Equality with ALL aspects parts there of.
I realize that to judge another as superficial is only judging myself as I am Equal and One to ALL that is here and thus I commit myself to investigate those points which I have accepted and allowed myself to judge in separation of myself to find out how to Equallize myself with ALL life and not more accept and allow any form of judgement towards anypart or anyone within my world but am able always to see myself in others and in my world, and thus stand /communicate / express within equality and oneness with ALL parts/aspects of Life. And thus using these Judgements that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold/exist within currently as a guide point, showing me where I am separating myself and where I can focus my self investigation, exploration, writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application