Today I was quite depressed at work in that I was seeing this “depression experience” looming. One point where this depression experience comes up is when I fall in relation to stopping certain patterns / behaviours that I am walking the correction of. Where for instance I make a commitment to myself to stop participating on a certain point and then end up going back on that commitment or falling and giving in and just going ahead with participating in the behaviour / Cycle / Energetic Experience.
So here there is a point of “giving up” that is present. Like a Failing / Falling and thus giving up and giving in and not caring within a point of frustration / being so fed up with myself and my resolve/ (non)standing in process/self honesty. And just giving up on myself within statements/thoughts/back-chat like…
What the fuck is wrong with me (self manipulation) – There is nothing wrong with me – then from here go to Self Judgement.
I am unworthy
My Life is a failure
I am a failure
Will I ever stand
Why Haven’t I stood yet.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to “not bother” even writing because “I never find anything anyways”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as weak for falling in process or giving into the mind and participating in behaviours and patterns to generate energy which I know does not support me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abandoned myself within my process from the perspective of thinking “whats the use” normally doing this after I have fallen on a point / given into the mind on a point where I now go into this point of “whats the use” and in this experiencing myself as completely hopeless as I always just seem to end up back at the same point.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I always go back to the beginning and within this not allow myself to actually account for progress that I have made, but to, in my anger and frustration within falling on a point destroy everything and not allow myself to continue that which has been a support within my process and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be so angry with myself that I deliberately sabotage myself by refusing to acknowledge any progress I have actually made in my process.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately ignore and not allow myself to acknowledge areas where I have been effective in my process, but to simply focus everything onto only where I have failed and focusing on only that out of my anger within me towards myself, and in this actually making my process more difficult for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the back-chat “I don’t care – I deserve it” with regards to ignoring or shunning any actual points I have supported myself within due to me having failed in other areas which I give all my attention to and not allow myself to eat the fruit that I have grown for/as myself but instead just squash it and throw it out within a point of “If I can’t have it nobody can” and thus sabotage potential supportive points that I have developed due to my own frustration of not yet getting points which I feel are Key points for me to get within my process.
I commit myself to getting back on track with points I have accepted and allowed myself to fail within instead of continuing to exist within a point / period of limbo as the experience of “feeling like a failure” where I am not standing back up and re-aligning myself with a corrective walking so to “get back on track” with myself.
I commit myself to stop existing / wallowing within this state of limbo as experience of myself as failure / having failed which end up just sabotaging my daily walking process and to Stand back up and Get back on Track with walking my process of Self Supportive Writing, Self Forgiveness, and Self Corrective Application.