Secretly Plotting – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 56

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my first impression towards the “new guy” at work to be one based on competition where this has become my “natural” embedded way  I first approach new beings within my world, particularly in the work place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel threatened by the new guy at work, and to automatically respond  to this threat by going back-chatting within myself towards this new person and how this to within this back-chat form and judge this new person within a “negative” light/way.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to automatically go into judgement towards the “New Guy” as soon as I saw him, not seeing that my first impression of him was in fact already formed by myself within myself before he even arrived and that no matter who it was, my first impression would have carried this same judgement pre-programmed reaction by myself which has to do with “not wanting to change”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want things to change at work, because I have spent time establishing my position/standing within the company I work for and was fairly satisfied with how I had projected the future to be for myself based on how my life was already existing and so now that there is a “new guy” this then throws a wrench into my “future projection” and now this “future projection” as what I created within my mind is now threatened, and within this I forgive myself for not realizing/seeing that the future projection I create for myself within my own mind is not real but simply a picture/idea in my mind, and here also I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give power to this future projection I create within my mind, believing that this future projection I create within my mind about how things will be in my future, is the key component to how I create my life and more specifically, how I create the life that I want.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place value in the future projection in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that things will be better when I finally get to, reach the future projection in my mind that exist as some future point, out there, that I am attempting to get to where when I reach it my life will be so much better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my “future projection” as a positive value and my current life/moment that I am existing in as a “negative value”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within defining/judging my current life that is here at the moment within a “negative value charge” and then attempt to change this by creating a future projection within my mind/myself about my future life that is not yet here and place a “positive energy value” on this alternate life as future projection, and within doing this, always attempting to try and get to my future life and using my future life projection as a kind of Drug, or temporary sedation that I utilize within and through participating in in my mind where I go fantasizing and thinking and imaging this future projection life as a way to try and attempt to escape from my actual current reality that is here which I the majority of the time am defining within a negative energy value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that new people within my world is always a negative, if it is a male and that it is a positive if it is a female.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define new males coming into my life as a negative, and to define new females coming into my life as a positive, and thus within this have separated males from females judging one (female) primarily within a positive energy charge and the other (males) within a negative energy charge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a negative reaction towards males in my life because they represent a threat to me within my pursuit to happiness, where females possess less of a threat to me within my pursuit to happiness and survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to all males within competition, and so go into a negative reaction when I meet them as I automatically start to compare myself to them and seeing all the ways they are more or less than me and all the ways I am more or less than them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define males more prominently within a negative energetic charge because my Self Worthiness is more at stake with males, because I am a male and thus am more alike to other males within my world which my worthiness and stature and position within this world system is more compared and measured in relation to other males, rather than other females.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my own reflection in males when I look at them seeing “who I am” as my self definition as a male in society when I look at other males, comparing and contrasting myself attempting to define and place myself within this world within a point of competition and survival and by-passing the point of equality all together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my “path” in the system as being very fragile with regards to “success in the system” and thus go into fear when I encounter other males, because I fear/perceive/believe they might stand in my way and prevent me from reaching my goal of “becoming successful in the system” and within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at all males from the perspective of “how they will either interfere or not with my “path to success” in the system, and in this decide who I am towards each particular male based on the degree to which feel they will either stand in my way in my or not on  my “road to success” in the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to establish my relationships with all males in my life based on the assessment I have made of them and the degree of threat they represent to me in my life and my success in the system where everything becomes a total calculation due to my fear of not succeeding/surviving in the system, and the fragility I have believed/perceived as the path I am walking to success in the system, seeing this path a very shaking one for myself and not being certain at all, and so within this fear of failure and uncertainty form my relationships with other males within this context, within the context of competition and deny myself any opportunity to actually let down my guard and actually for self intimate relationships based on equality and oneness

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear “falling out of favour” with the people around me, and particularly at work, because we now have a new guy which I perceive has now limited me as favourable and thus limited and impeded on my path to success in the system which I have perceived to be more streamlined if I am in favour with others in a seeming position of Authority and Superiority.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that beings who are effective in the system are actually the kind of beings that would actually support me where I could actually learn from them and use them as a guideline for myself to become more effective in the system.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to embrace new beings into my world from the starting point of what I am able to learn from new beings and establish as myself that I have separated from myself, instead of just immediately going into competition, believing and perceiving this entire world to be one of competition where in essence I am not allowing myself to learn from others but just trying to distance myself from everyone around me and remaining within this idea of myself as being superior or more than, not allowing myself to stand equal with all beings in my environment, realizing that when I encounter new beings that this is an opportunity to expand/grow by seeing points within others that I have separated from myself or had not ever considered and thus supporting myself to “bring myself back to myself” by using the point of new beings in my world as opportunities to grow instead of fighting-insisting on remaining only as Who I Am.

I commit myself to embracing the New Guy at work as I realize that meeting/encountering new beings in my world are opportunities to see different aspects of myself or face new points that come up within myself, or learning and expanding myself within seeing points in others that I like and would like to support myself to become more effective at, and so thus

When and as I see myself going into my automatic reaction towards the New Guy at work, I stop, and take a breath. I realize that this world has become fucked up because we have only ever competed with each other, never actually letting go of our fear and letting down our guard and actually walking with each other as equals, and so thus I stop this / breath through “automatic reaction” that comes up and not participate within it at all.

I commit myself to within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application investigate why and how this “automatic reaction” I have towards males in relation to survival and competition has become so extensive and how I have made this point/reaction so extensive within myself and to within this assist and support me to stop ALL points of competition and fight for survival with others and learn to walk in equality and support of another equal to and one with how I would support myself within giving what I would like to receive, not matter what context I find myself.

I commit myself to pushing myself to support others equal and one to how I would support myself and stop using the excuse “but I am in the system” as a reason/excuse to compete against others, but to rather direct myself to stand as an example that I will no more accept and allow myself to continue existing and perpetuating our current manifested existence as relationships and selves being based on competition, manipulation, ego , self interest etc… so that we can step by step one by one walk the transition / process of our current accepted and allowed “life” to  Life of Equality and Oneness and Mutual Respect and Support of each other and all that is here as a The Actual Living Definition of Respect.

I commit myself to within writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application explore all the fears and reservations and reactions I have to the point of standing equal to others within the context of Living in the System where I Have see that I still have fears about doing this based on my accepted perception and idea of how to go about bringing forth an Equal Money System.

desteni.org

eqafe.com

equalmoney.org

desteniiprocess.com

Creations Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs

Heavens Journey To Life 7 Year Process Blogs

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