Resentment/ Comparison Towards Those Who Have Money – An Artists Journey to Life: Day 45

I have this point within me that I have been noticing more and more which is where I will react to nearly everyone I see on the streets where I will go into a point of judgement towards them in relation to how much money I perceive they have and how I have decided that they got that money.

This tends to be a comparison that takes place primarily towards males. Where I will size them up based on the clothes they are wearing, their size, hair style, what kind of girlfriend they have, do they have kids? Do they where sunglasses, what kind of truck do they drive, where do they get their money, basically I will almost instantly start sizing them up and profiling and comparing myself to them.

What I noticed is that the most common point that comes up within me towards these males is jealousy, bitterness, resentment, and other forms of negative judgement where I will start criticizing them within myself within and as my back-chat. Often diminishing them in my mind, the most common point of judgement / diminishment being “they didn’t work for their money, but had it come easy” where I will define these such beings a “clueless” or ungrateful for the money they have.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to back-chat in my head/mind about other males I see where I will specifically go into back-chat related to money and how much money they have and where they got their money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience jealousy and bitterness towards other males that I see in the world that I see as having what I want as a successful business where they are making good money and own there own truck and tools.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see this point of me owning my own truck and tools and running a successful business as being so far away and so because I see this point so far away from me that when I see other males having what I would like to attain, I experience a form of friction within myself as a kind of doubt where in I am actually separating myself from what they have from the perspective of accepting and allowing myself to doubt that I will be able to walk that point of developing/establishing a successful business that become stable and effective in the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent older men who drive nice cars where I have accepted and allowed myself to see them as “the enemy” from a certain perspective not taking into consideration that we all collectively have created this world together and thus we are all equally responsible for the situation we find ourselves in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resent younger males with nice trucks where I will go into back-chat within my mind speaking the statement that “they do not even know how to use their truck but just worked probably some easy job and bought a big truck but that the truck has no relationship to their actual practical ongoings of their job” and within this statement I speak within myself judge the beings/younger males.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent those younger males that have nice big trucks because I don’t have one and I want one, and think its not fair that I don’t have one.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel stuck in my current position and that I will never go out and within this go into inpatients from the perspective of actually doubting my practical application will ever accumulate into financial stability within the system like for instance actually being able to eventually run a successful business and generate good money doing this.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that my ideas I have about how I am going to direct myself to establish myself in the system are not going to work, and within this fear believe that I will never be able to drive a nice truck.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be impatient within my direction within the system where I just want everything right away just to know that what I am planning and walking will work, and that if I could just get a truck that “everything will be ok” and that will be the magical key that makes everything work instead of realizing that I am the magical key that make everything work from the perspective of trusting myself and walking consistently and constantly within applying myself practically to establish myself in an effective position within the system where I practically apply myself as in giving my attention to this point so that if grow slowly over time, just as a plant require water to grow, and if you stop watering the plant it will die, and so thus what is required of me is to give this point of establishing myself into an effective position in the system consistent attention and practical application so that it slowly grow over time to maturity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as weak because I do not have a nice truck, as the symbol that “I have made it in the system”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience anger within me when I see everyone else driving nice trucks, where I am angry at myself for not having enough money or an effectively stable position in the system to buy a truck like that, and then after experiencing this anger go into a form of depression as experiencing it as “hopeless” that I will ever be in a position to buy a nice truck and be able to have a stable effective income in the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other due to where they got their money, where in I in doing this actually separate myself from others, seeing myself in separation from them as being either superior or inferior to them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to constantly wonder where and how I am going to get lots of money and a stable effective income within the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to already be at the end point where I have already walked the process of learning about the system and becoming effective within it as an effective capitalist, using the system to generate money, and where I essentially stand in a position of power in the system because I possess money.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel weak and inferior based on how much money I earn.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to how much money I earn.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize/see/understand th

at all life is equal, but instead accepted and allowed myself to participate within the system value structure where each is measured and defined by how much money they have and “what they do”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to males within the system and experience jealousy, because I do not have what they have, where I judge myself as incapable because they have things I do not yet have.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see success in the system as an enigma.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is dishonest to want to be successful in the system from the perspective of establishing oneself as effective in the system where one essentially stand equal to the system and get to know exactly how it works and within this become effective with money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a negative reaction/energy in relation to the word “Success” particularly when speaking about “Success in the System”

Forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that there is failure ahead of me as my path in the system instead of success.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see success in the system as an enigma, as that which is not attainable by me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my direction of myself in this world as wanting to become successful in the system as in establishing an effective business or business’s to generate money for the process ahead, is wrong, and in this send myself mixed signals about how to direct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should be able to “do it alone” and that it is not right to get help from others, not taking into consideration that many others got help in themselves becoming effective in the system as the system is build and designed on inequality where often those that got ahead in the system started ahead.

 

I commit myself to through writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application, establish self clarity within and as myself where I push this point of self clarity so that I understand my experience of me and myself and become more effective in directing myself as I am “clear” from the perspective of effectively working with myself to understand myself, my experience and how to effectively direct myself within my process of standing equal to the system and all that is here and birth myself as life from the physical. Thus essentially directing myself to within developing more and more self clarity, assist and support myself within the walking of my journey to life.

I commit myself to through writing, self forgiveness, and corrective application become more Physically Practical in my actions and direction where I learn how to give the necessary consistent attention and practical direction to each point to ensure it grows effectively.

I commit myself to through writing, self forgiveness, and corrective application, understand my relationship I have with money where in writing, self forgiveness and corrective application I become more clear within myself with regards to my experiences I have towards money and also towards people who I see that have money or have what I want that is purchased with money, which is just another dimension of “my relationship with money” so that I, within this becoming more clear, and understanding my relationship with money, become directive with money instead of existing how I am currently existing in relation to money which is, in judgement, reaction, emotion, feeling, hope, despair, and also having all sorts of back-chat in my mind that I see is related to my relationship with money, and so thus,

I commit myself to through writing, self forgiveness, and corrective application, investigate all the back-chat I have that comes up within me that I see is related to money, so that I see where such back-chat come s from and so that I understand what such back-chat implies with regards to how I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as, particularly within relationships to money as how I have accepted and allowed myself to define and design myself in relation to money.

I commit myself to through writing, self forgiveness, and corrective application as well as self introspection, utilize all my back-chat that comes up within me towards others or towards points within my world that is related to money, to investigate my relationship with money so to come to a clear understanding of the exact nature of my relationship that I have established with money through all the various smaller relationships and networks of relationships that I have established/created in relation to money, and within doing this assist and support me to no more have my back-chat as reactions within myself direct and control me and create experiences within me that I simply participate with and engage in, meanwhile knowing and seeing within me that I am not yet seeing the nature or source points of my back-chat in relation to money to others and points related to money in my world. And so thus assist and support myself to know thyself and come to clarity exactness within and as me in relation to this point of money, and take responsibility for myself, my actions and direction within this world, no more accepting and allowing the experience of uncertainty, or unknowing or despair, or hopelessness, or wanting, or desiring, or inpatients as points that I have currently accepted and allowed myself to control and direct me within my relationship to and towards money.

I commit myself to through writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective application develop more stability within this point of money, with regards to my direction and understanding within myself in relation to this point, no more accepting and allowing myself to be completely dominated by my “experiences” in relation to money due to me not yet completely understanding how money works or the relationship that I have established/created to towards money, and so thus I commit myself to re-establish my relationship with money to be one of that of clarity, understanding, exactness, so that I no more accept and allow my current experience of me in relation to money to exist as me as that which I had pre-programmed as the pre-programmed relationships that I accepted and allowed myself to exist within in relation to money in the past.

desteni.org

eqafe.com

equalmoney.org

desteniiprocess.com

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