So in the last few blogs I have been doing I have been walking this that has been taking place this last couple of weeks of going from no job to finding a job and then also finding a new place to live. Both of these points seemed like bug hurdles to me. I had defined them as “major” points. I had to push through resistance to calling people and meeting with them to see if I would be a good fit to live at their place with them. I am now at the stage of having got a job and my first pay period under my belt and now have committed to a new place which I signed the papers today, and will be moving in there in the next 3 days. Probably more points will come up once I get into the space but for now I am simply facing this point of doing the “final push” so to speak, as I now must pack up all my things and move everything over on my day off.
I have been working allot of hours lately also so within this all have been facing the point of time management from the perspective of really not having much time at all to spare and so walking this point at the moment. I see the point of this process I am walking of working lots of hours assisting and supporting me to simply be more effective with the time I have instead of having to much extra time and then taking it for granted and squandering it.
With work I have been getting up earlier and also sleeping allot less so this is supporting me to get up in the mornings and move myself in the system where “time is money” I have found no difference in my “awake level” when getting up after 6 hrs sleep or less vs 8 or 9 hours.
One point that I haven’t been effective with is completing my DIP assignments as I have not had enough time in the evenings, so this is a point that I would like to give direction to and work into my schedule so that I can integrate this into and as myself as a daily task.
I have also been reluctant to do the “Love” Videos for the new Love Project we are starting with at Desteni. So with this point I must commit myself to making the 4 videos and posting the 4 videos (one each week) and not accept and allow “my experience of myself” determine my direction within this point. I have resistance to doing these love videos and backchat as well as to why I should just hold off doing them thus…
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by my back-chat in relation to doing the love project video series instead of me practicing the point of making a decision and following through with that decision as a practical point of self preparation to becoming more effective within my practical application within commitment and consistency.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have good reasons as to why I will just give up with doing these videos and not bother directing myself within the decision to complete each video when required.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “make light” of my decision to take part in the love video series, already coming up an excuse to not do the first video, and to construct an excuse as back-chat in such a way that I make it seem like “its fine” and “no harm done” and within this am actually limiting myself and not supporting myself within the development of my resolve and preparation of myself to walk in principle, instead of allowing myself to just direct myself always in self interest as I have always done, allowing myself to convince myself to just follow what my experience tells me instead of walking in understanding in every moment of what I am doing of assisting and supporting myself to actually prepare and develop myself to become an effective human being that is able to stand as an example of Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my sweet ass time which is also called postponement where I allow postponement by passing off these opportunities as the projects that come up with desteni such as this love video series, as being “lightweight” and “not really important” and in this actually diminishing the points to make it seem like “its ok” that I do not participate, instead of taking the opportunity to develop and program and re-pattern myself to stand as and example of how to live and direct ourselves as life to in fact bring forth a world that is best for all where we are actually able to live and express ourselves, and thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the value in participating in the desteni ongoings and projects that destonains walk like this love project one where we take on points of live and vlog and blog about them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the excuse and justification that “I am not ready” as the back-chat that come up as a thought connected to an experience within myself where I participate within this thought and experience instead of directing myself instead of my back-chat and mind directing me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take things so lightly not seeing/realizing/understanding the potential that exist with points as opportunities to participate in certain movements and process.
I commit myself to stop taking things so lightly and to question this experience I have within and as myself as seeing a point as “not important” which then become a potent justification as a seemingly innocent and harmless statement I make within myself, not realizing or seeing that taking things LIGHTly is the Light that Blinds me as the excuse from seeing the value of potential moments of self development and expansion. Like for instance participating in the love campaign videos.
I commit myself to making this decision to walking this desteni love campaign video series and to do this as a point of self support to develop my ability to push/direct me as principle and not just listening to the various reasons and excuses the mind comes up with as to why this of no great importance, and thus “letting myself off the hook” which I see I have become quite notorious for within myself and my life where I am always just taking things lightly and letting myself off the hook where this becomes an excuse to not will myself to walk/participate effectively or as effective as I could be.
I commit myself to stop letting myself off the hook for everything and instead of taking that moment of consideration where I pause and think if I should really do it or not, to instead of direct myself to practically apply myself within the point I am considering. This does not mean that I will do every little thing just because but that I will identify within myself where I am going into / participating with this point of letting myself off the hook as the excuse I use to not apply myself and direct myself here within my practical application of taking responsibility for and as myself as Self Direction to Support what is best for all in every moment.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that when I let myself off the hook, I am really not supporting myself at all to become more practically physically directed as me within my life as a point of developing and preparing myself effectively to be stable and consistent and standing in my application in every moment so to support the process of bringing forth a world that is actually one we all want to live in where we actually explore and express ourselves as Life as an unlimited expression.
I commit myself to taking on this point of becoming physical. Where I am always Directing myself in and as the physical deliberately and to push this point of becoming specific down to the smallest refractions and iotas of self as the extent to which I am able to be aware of myself at all time, and thus specifically directing myself.
I commit myself to becoming physical and becoming directive in all hours of my day where I stop letting myself off the hook and start keeping me on the hook and accountable for what I participate in, in ever moment so that I can actually learn to be an example of accountability.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take myself further, and push myself further in my accountability, where in this I take on responsibility as a point to practice and develop the discipline to be accountable and responsible in my physical actions and daily application of myself.
I commit myself to take myself further and push myself further in my practical physical application where instead of letting myself off the hook, I push myself to expand my practical responsibility and participation even if this take effort to do so as it likely will.
I realize that when I resist something and must push myself through it, that this is indicating to me that I am expanding myself and I also realize that I must take that point I am resisting into consistency from the perspective that I simply cannot just do it once, but that to do it once is simply an initial starting point but that I must be willing to walk completely until I have pushed through the resistance completely and am willing to push through the resistance every time to establish myself within new patterns of effective participation and physical application of responsibility and accountability.