Attempting To Establish Stability Through The Mind – An Artists Journey to Life: Day 38

Lost in The Mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  for separating myself so far from life that I have not realized or noticed how my thoughts, words, deeds in fact abuse life but that I am not able to see this as I have separated myself from life as how we are supposed to be living here on this planet but have removed ourselves so far from the common sense of this, that we are able to justify killing and abuse of ourselves and the planet, and find caring for others unconditionally and supporting others weird  or strange or embarrassing or difficult.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that when I face traumatic events, or circumstances / situations that are challenging that I am facing a point where I will establish who I am as a program through and by the way I direct myself through the situation and that if I go into excuses and justifications in the mind instead of directing myself through the point in breath and in responsibility than this is the how I have decided to program / create myself, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to direct myself, to my mind when facing moments of challenge in my world, instead of programming myself as Self Responsibility for myself and ALL life by not missing a step but facing/walking through challenges as they come up in breath and practical responsibility as immediate direction without hesitation  so to become a stronger human being.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to program/pattern myself to stand/walk direct myself in self responsibility within the principle of what is best for all in all situations.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that when I go into the experience of depression or giving up when facing certain scenarios that is because that is how I programmed myself and thus is the perfect opportunity to correct the program as who I am so that I stand in the image and likeness of Responsibility as Life as what is best for all in ALL situations where I do not accept any point of giving up or going into depression, which both of these are actually forms of excuses because I don’t want to direct myself as Life as Responsibility to ALL life to do what is best for all Life in every moment, and thus showing/indicating to myself that I am not yet Life, as I am still accepting and allowing myself to abuse life in moments/circumstances/situations when ever I go into an excuse to avoid being directive within Responsibility of/as Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to give-up and stop directing myself in self responsibility within thinking about “maybe this place that I had lined up may not work out” and then with this thought comes up an entire whirl-wind of thoughts, projections, feelings within the mind which cause me to want to just give up, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search my mind for stability where I attempt to formulate or create an idea or perception in the mind of how things will play-out where in mostly I end up creating a false idea or false hope about a point instead of sticking to physical reality as what is actually here as that which I can trust as the physical is stable and manifest right in front of me.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am not even able to place fully my trust in and as the physical because even this sometimes does not work as planned and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to create myself as self trusts from the perspective of always directing what is here in Self Responsibility in and as Life as what is best for all, no matter what, no matter if a point suddenly falls, or does not work as planned, where I still direct myself in every moment equal and the same as consistent and constant Self Responsibility within the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to control my reality in an attempt to control the moments so that they turn out a specific way so that I can within such moments carve out time to “do what I want” and end up forgetting about my responsibilities instead of taking the point of standing as Self Responsibility and Responsibility towards life and All in every moment into consideration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gotten used to, and thus programmed myself to place me first before my responsibility towards life, which I see within asking myself the question am I able to direct myself more effectively within my Responsibility towards life where my answer is “yes” indicating that there is actually more I can do, and that I am not yet standing in my optimum potential in every moment as my self directive movement as the Responsibility of Life as what is best for All.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others and what they do and how they direct themselves and not dare to push and will myself to establish myself as effective self discipline within my process/standing of self responsibility towards life in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with “hope” when things start going how I want and “doom” when things are not going as I want where I do not stand one and equal with the practical physical situation as the events unfolding but always superimpose an experience on top of such experiences that are not in fact related to the practical physical situation but are based in the mind as either positive or negative energy.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that one always get burned when participating within energy in and as the mind in relation to ones reality, as ultimately one will always come back to earth as the physical to the “in fact” reality that is really here.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize there is no reason to participate in the mind and in energy, and thus to exist here in the reality that is here and not create energy or experience about my reality or situation based on my own value system that I have created as myself and then measure what is going on in my reality through this value system to generate an experience that only separates me from what is actually here as reality and only cause instability within my world as I am constantly moving up and down on my value scale as energetic reactions/experiences moving from positive to negative to positive to negative instead of having any kind of stability as myself so that I am able to be constant and consistent in my application and not go into reactions as I walk in my reality.

I forgive myself for not realizing that my “experience” I experience in relation to the apartments I have been looking at is not valid as it is always based in and as my mind and is actually a point that I see where I am abdicating my directive principle of myself to something outside myself, in this case “where I live” as being that which will apparently make my life better or worse instead of realizing through and though that I am always responsible for this and that this responsibility as myself I must walk with eternally and is not a point that is able to be passed off onto some external point, and thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I was holding within myself the idea that once I find the right place that this will somehow relieve me of my responsibilities where I would then be able to pass them off and place my responsibilities as my self trust onto a point outside if me instead of ensuring that I am standing in self awareness as taking responsibility for myself in all faucets of my life and Life that is best for all in every moment, and that this responsibility never change or is able to be placed outside of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the point within looking for a place to live as either having a cool place lined up or not having any cool places lined up as that which determine the experience of me and thus affect and influence my day to day walking as I have accepted and allowed not only “my experience” to determine my standing, my walking and my direction but that I have also allowed this point about the apartments to determine my experience causing my experience as my energetic standing as being in either positive or negative or neutral energetic experience to flux all over the place causing me to go for a ride, instead of me stopping this point about either having a cool place lined up or not to determine my experience of me and my application in any way instead of sticking to practical physical reality that is here, and also within this realizing that there is no reason what so ever to generate an energetic experience of feeling or emotion about what is practically physically here.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to brainwash myself into “feeling good” about a place where in I will within this “feeling good” completely abdicate my directive creative principle of me to this point of “feeling good” in this case about a particular apartment/place and within this believe that then require this place/apartment to create/cause this experience of and as me as feeling good and thus separate myself from me as my directive principle of me where who I am is not dependant on some external point outside of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself and exist in a limited view of reality by placing value in an  apartment that has nice features in it and to then get caught up and brainwashed by such features where I then believe that these things will bring me happiness and that I require these things and want these things to live a nice life and have a nice experience and nice time and good life and fail to recognize the billions of cells in my body and how they work and function together to sustain me as my human physical body and how my heart is pumping inside my body Life that is Here in this very moment in its vastness as I have/have accepted and allowed myself to overlook Life that is here in simplicity and vastness because I become pre-ocupplied and fixated on “nice things” like a nice toaster and clean counter tops that caught my eye and that I believed would “make me happy” and so my attention was diverted from here as who I am as the real substance of me and mistakenly placed on nice shiny things as that which is to apparently deliver me substantial joy, and thus I placed more value on the relationship I have with a nice apartment then the value of relationship billions of cells in my body and for that matter with what is here as my human physical body that I walk with in every moment,  that I time and time again fail to even notice and recognize as anything worthy of as is seen by the fact that all my attention is always placed on things outside of myself like nice objects or money, or relationship as that which to depend on for fulfilment, never getting to know what is here in every moment, that is always here as life.

I commit myself to getting to know the moment as that which is always here in and as the moment so that I am never separating myself from that which is able to support me but rather to first start with what is here in and as every moment as points to get to know.

I commit myself to getting to know myself that is Here and understanding how to live Here in and as the physical so as to not abdicate my power, my stability and myself as directive/creative principle of me where I end up in polarity fluctuation experiences of myself that are never stable instead of always being stable here in that which is here.

I commit myself to willing myself to exist here in and as breath within and as the physical reality and not projecting/generating/creating an experience which I superimpose onto the physical and end up having to have this experience ripped away as the process of falling/coming back to earth to what is real to learn that the value I had placed in my illusory experience will not stand the test of time, and always just create tumultuous experiences of myself instead of me developing/establishing some actual substantial stability that actually stand and that I am able to get some stability as myself to direct myself for consistently and effectively within my stability as self living equal and one with the physical.

I commit myself to discover who I am here, and to explore living here as breath, equal and one with and as the physical and in this learning how to direct myself within and as principle as practical common sense and stop being influenced directed by experience as energetic experience that move me in directions that are not based on practical common sense living within doing what is best for all.

I commit myself to applying daily writing, self forgiveness, and self correction to assist and support myself to walk myself out of my mind energetic experience of myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as where in I abdicated any and all stability and effective consistent self direction as myself to this, where I walk out of this self that I have created and bring myself back here to stand equal and one with the physical and learn to direct myself equal and one as the as the physical in practical common sense based in what is best for all.

I commit myself to utilizing daily writing, self forgiveness, and self correction as a tool to support me to, uncover, expose, reveal, see and understand, how it is exactly that I have abdicated my directive creative principle of/as me living here in stability, consistency,  clarity, awareness of myself in every moment doing what is best for ALL life, to my mind as illusion, as energy fluctuation, inconsistency, instability, mood swings, depression, dependency , hope, lostness, and the entire  reality that is the mind that only ever create false realities as castles in the sky which always come crashing back down to earth, the mind as that which I have existed as for as long as I can recall, the mind as that which I have established and created myself within the image and likeness of failure, of dissatisfaction, of self interest, of separation from life and not ever living or understanding or considering how to live in actual honour and respect and care of life that I walk daily in every breath as that which if each one were to live would create heaven on earth for us to live the life that we only ever think about living but that we have gotten so far from that it seems impossible to manifest here as our actual daily living and interaction with each other and the planet.

desteni.org

eqafe.com

equalmoney.org

desteniiprocess.com

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