Appreciation of Life/Self – An Artists Journey to Life: Day 31

Yesterday I was looking at the point of Self/Life enjoyment and appreciation so I am going to continue on from where I left off yesterday.

I see the point of appreciation coming first before the enjoyment. I started yesterday looking at the point of enjoyment and this other point of appreciation emerged as a wrote where I see these two points as being linked and in a way one and the same.

So I started looking at why do I not enjoy myself and then from this came the question why am I not appreciating life.

I am seeing enjoyment as a point that one does not require to go look for but come from self as a gift to oneself so to speak. It is self directed and connected to self responsibility where self/life enjoyment is not something that one gets from somewhere or is given by another, I saw/see this as a point that one gift to oneself within stopping blaming life and learning to appreciate life within allowing self to see all that is here in the moment that is able to be appreciated.

I see this a process for myself in where I learn to appreciate what I have and what is here to the utmost instead of just kind of half assing it and then going and trying to get more of something else, so it is a point of exploring the vastness of the moment and learning to respect and appreciate the simple things in life.

For instance instead of spending my time trying to create my life in a way that might even take years to orchestrate so that I can finally when I have created this life experience enjoyment, allow myself to learn the enjoy the simple things in life. Realizing that enjoyment flows from appreciation of what is here.

So here I am starting with the small, and learning to enjoy/appreciate the many various aspects of my life.

Can I enjoy/appreciate sitting down and drinking a cup of tea?

I realize that enjoyment does not have to be some big event with fireworks going off, this is not what I am seeing as how to learn to appreciate life/myself.

Start with honouring the small things. The fact that I am able to breath in and out- Do I appreciate this, do I honour this, or do I ignore/miss this.

I am also not seeing this as a point of trying to create/generate an experience out of something by trying to project some meaning or value on it but rather simply standing equal and one to it as myself as an aspect of myself as life that is here. And thus to just appreciate myself as all the various aspects of myself that are here. Where the iphone is one and equal to the cup of tea.

Can I enjoy/appreciate the drive to work in the morning?

Can I enjoy/appreciate the tree outside my window?

I have realized that I have gotten so off track that I have not even considered the point of appreciation/enjoyment being a point that I simply allow myself.

And so I am directing myself to get back to the absolute simplicity of living/life and focusing on the basics of life as a starting point to “find myself” so to speak.

I have been such an ignorant butt!

Butt this…butt that…time now to stop “wanting” things so that I can get some enjoyment and enjoy myself. Its time to get back to simplicity and focus on this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and “get” things to attempt to find enjoyment and in this separate myself from self enjoyment as all that is currently here as myself and as my life and I forgive myself for not realizing that a good place to begin learning how to enjoy me and appreciate me and life is right here with what is here in every moment.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to appreciate myself and appreciate life in its simplicity.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to get distracted and lose myself in the belief that enjoyment and appreciation is not able to be here in and as the simple things in life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take for granted life as myself as a being/expression that is here and is alive on this earth where the signs of me taking me/life for granted come when ever I go into judgement about a certain point of start to criticize my circumstance or environment believing that It is not good enough, and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to transform my judgement and blame towards circumstances into appreciation and gratefulness, not as a mind delusion but a realizing that it makes no sense to judge any situation or circumstance but rather to support self to walk in breath in self appreciation of self/life as who I am/we are and to direct myself in a way that is best for all.

What I see/realize/understand is that appreciation and enjoyment is not an experience that is generated in the mind. It is rather a point of simplicity of self and life that is always here as self and life. It is a kind of recognition of what is here in the moment. It is a stop. A stop of the  searching for self enjoyment and just being grateful for what is here. Obviously we have fucked up this world. Being grateful and appreciating what is here does not mean just accepting this world as it is and accepting the abuse that is taking place on earth. It is more seeing the point, Ok, learn to appreciate the simple things and direct myself within the principle of what is best for all so that all life has the opportunity to appreciate what is here and not have to live in conditions where they are literally dying in starvation or in situation of abuse or actual real suffering.

So learning how to enjoy myself/life is learning how to enjoy me/life in all that I do. And not place limitations on this and rather using this point of learning how to enjoy me/life in “ALL” that I do as a guideline to this point.

Ok so, I have more clarified this point for myself.

I commit myself to realizing that anytime I judge a scenario or situation that that is an opportunity for me to transform my judgement into actual honour for life and myself by stopping such judgements and being here in what ever situation that comes up and realizing that what I face is a direct consequence of what I have accepted and allowed myself to be a part or creating and that I simply must walk through it and continue walking my process of self realization and directing myself in what is best for all.

I commit myself to realizing that all negative experiences I have are mind based and to rather focus on the physical and in this learn how to appreciate myself as life in every moment.

I commit myself to challenging my negative experiences from the perspective of where I go into resistance towards something or judge it or see that I am creating/attaching a negative value to something, that I commit myself to challenging such moments and transform such moments into gratefulness and appreciation, not as a veil to pull over the actual truth of the situation, but more a point of finding my stability as my appreciation of myself here on earth at this point in time, walking my process, which I am grateful of no matter what I must face. I am grateful because I no more want to create my life in the image and likeness of misery. And so I commit myself to practice self gratefulness/appreciation/enjoyment as the stopping of judging moments in my life and rather looking at what I can learn about myself within such moments and within this to assist and support myself to re-establish life on earth that is best for all where all have access to the basics of living equally, realizing that fancy and boats and lots of money is not real appreciation, but that this rather comes from getting back to simplicity and living for real where one actually establish a real relationship with life as what is actual valuable as for instance all beings on earth having access to food water shelter education equally.

I commit myself to appreciate the simplicity of myself and life as what is here, and to not need or require more than what is here, and to walk within and as this point of self appreciation of and as the simplicity of myself and what is is here in every moment as a guideline to real appreciation and enjoyment of as self/life, realizing that if I am not able to realize this self/life appreciation/enjoyment on this most basic level that I can stand within this point consistently in every moment, than I have missed the point. And to thus realize the simplicity of appreciation/enjoyment where this is not some grandious experience of self but is more subtle, where in I learn to enjoy the simple things and also myself as my human physical body here in every moment. And also that this enjoyment/appreciation of life is not different from one to the next, but that it is that simplicity of life that is equal and one with and as each that is here and is not some special experience unique to me, but is more basic and based within and as equality and oneness.

Ok, before I finish off this point I just want to bring up this extensive fear that I have coming up about writing about this point. The fear is not wanting to give people the wrong impression about me as being some self realized being on this point. This point has just opened up and mainly I have realized how selfish I have been and ignorant towards life and not allowing myself to recognize or appreciate the things in/as my life that were/are starting me in the face. Like literally missing everything – Every night I have a warm bed to sleep in but even shit like this I simply missed and just was in a state of misery all the time. Ok so cool now to be seeing this point

I see this as a step by step process that I must walk and walk in consistency and so I see that I have some way to go before I am consistently walking in this point of appreciating myself and life in every breath.

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