Simple Life – An Artists Journey to Life: Day 30

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist sticking with my current job because from what I see I will have to work allot of hours because our foreman works allot of hours and so there for I will have to and not have any time at the end of the day for anything else.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear working as a slave to the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to my mind when it goes off on a tangent about how I will have to work so many hours and its going to be horrible instead of realizing that this is actually my mind going into resistance because the mind does not like work because within work I must be self directive and thus this leaves no room for the mind and thus the mind goes into fear and back-chat and throws tantrums about not wanting to work so many hours.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as not able to work long hours because I “have other things to do” and so justify the point of why this job is not for me. And I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to stop participating within and as the mind and doing what the mind wants to do instead of me directing myself in a practical responsible way to support me within providing financial stability within my world to support myself and others in walking process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be frustrated that I haven yet established financial stability within my world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I sold my soul by just focusing on getting money for myself as a point of self responsibility to live in the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my mind and back-chat of it being “not fair” within the excuse that “other people don’t have anything else going on but work where I do desteni stuff and work, and art”, and within this all, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am not capable of doing all three of these things because I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by defining myself as not being able to work full time and long hours and find time walk my process of writing and doing my sra lessons and participating in other desteni projects and also reading.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find ways to blame my world/reality/situation for why I am not able to apply myself effectively within certain points instead of stopping all blame and directing myself as finding ways to apply myself effectively and to just stop the blame as that never support me or anyone else in anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I just bare my life all the time and that I do not have the ability to direct myself and my life into a point where I am stable and self present and actually enjoying myself in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place specific rules of enjoyment into my world instead of learning to enjoy the simple and small things in life, and stop getting caught up with having everything exactly how I want.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize self enjoyment with each moment of life from the perspective of allowing myself to “smell the roses” so to speak, even if I am working at my job or doing something else, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define self enjoyment in such a specific way that I miss out on life that is right before me, that is right here, because I have placed such specific parameters of what I need and want and desire in my life for me to enjoy me and in this miss out on life that is here in every moment from the perspective of the small things in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lock myself into my own cage as wants and needs and desires in order for me to enjoy myself and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to unlock this cage as the specific parameters as restrictions that I have placed on myself of what all I must have or how things must be for me to enjoy me and in this not allowing myself to consider the small things in life and appreciate life as what is here as simplicity in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss the point of enjoying/appreciating how all my cells are interacting right now to sustain me and keep me alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my world for the reason why I do not enjoy myself, blaming the world as how it is set up as the reason and cause for why I do not enjoy myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite myself by refusing to enjoy myself in my world and in this system that we have created for ourselves to live in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define enjoyment as some enigma instead of accepting and allowing myself to enjoy myself here in the moment instead of going into blame, believing that it is not possible to enjoy oneself in this world, when if fact, I see/realize that this is BS, and that I, if I chose am able to allow me to enjoy and appreciate me and life as I walk breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is absolutely impossible to enjoy oneself within working in this system, that there is no possible way that any sustainable enjoyment can come from this and so spend my entire life just wanting work to end so that I can get home and as far away as possible from work, specifically working in the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame work for my tiredness after work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the system and working in the system for my tiredness after work and have not considered how my resentment and blame towards the system and working in the system does not support me at all to become more effective within my world as a point of self empowerment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to insist that there is no way I can enjoy myself in any way when I am working or preparing to go to work or even on my way to work. And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this mentality I have created around work is because of work and working in the system and jobs, which I blame it on and not consider that the reason I experience myself this way is due to me and not in fact work or jobs or working in the system, and thus,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame jobs, and work and working in the system and my job for my misery where I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this is the source or my experience of misery within myself and I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider/see/realize myself as the source and cause of my own misery and in fact it has nothing to do with the job what so ever. And so thus within this realize/see I am able to stop blaming my external reality and take responsibility for myself and get on with learning how to enjoy and appreciate myself and life in ALL that I do, not just in certain situations, and so within this allow me to expand and explore self enjoyment and appreciation of life in all areas of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my reality and things outside myself, basically looking at everything outside myself as a culprit and reason for my own misery and ineffectiveness within my own life and my ability to create a life that I enjoy and am proud of and that is effective, as a life that is an example for others to use to support themselves to empower themselves to stand up in this world bring forth change that is best for all.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I got greedy and started to blame my world not ever considering how the earth is unconditionally providing everything for me to be alive despite the fact that I abuse it through just wanting more and complaining how my life is not what I want it to be, despite the earth giving everything I could possibly require to sustain myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose site of appreciation for all that is unconditionally being given to me on earth as the necessities I require to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that with money I will find enjoyment not taking into consideration that I have already failed to recognize and find enjoyment in the most simple basic things in life, the things that in fact actually sustain life, like the breath, the body, my lungs, the trees that give air, the food that sustain me the sun that nurture me the water that support me and so thus if I am not not able to appreciate and enjoy the act of life itself as that which is actually supporting me to be here and be alive on the most integral level, than no amount of money will ever accumulate to any degree of enjoyment and genuine appreciation of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take life for granted and lose site of what is actually real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go searching for “something more” without first learning to appreciate the simplicity of what is here as life.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize that if I cannot appreciate and find enjoyment in the sun than I am lost as I have lost sight of what is actually Real life.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize that just because I have money in a system that is based on money doesn’t mean REAL self enjoyment and appreciation of life changes in any way

I commit myself to stopping trying to find appreciation for life/self and self/life enjoyment in money or things and to rather look to the simple things in life, getting back to earth with what actually matters as who we actually are as physical life existing here in every moment.

I commit myself to finding self enjoyment in the simplicity of life and realize that if I am not able to appreciate life in every moment, than i have already missed the point of what life is.

I commit myself to changing course in my life and stop attempting to buy enjoyment or appreciation of myself/life but to realize the simplicity in this and use this simplicity as the small things in life as a guideline to re-establishing my integrity to life that I lost when I ignored the moment in my arrogance where I insisted to have more to have something more or something better, failing to appreciate each breath that breathe that sustain me as life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed to realize that If I am not able to enjoy and appreciate the breath as myself as that which gives me life, which is taking place always in every moment, then how can I want more if I have already missed the simple most basic point of life that is here in every moment sustaining me as life.

I commit myself to explore the small things in life and find myself as self appreciation in the simplicity of what is here as basic life, as I realize that I missed this entire aspect of Life and Living and was trapped in ego in insisting on more, meanwhile ignoring what is here in every moment as life.

I commit myself to learning how to enjoy/appreciate life/myself and what is here as the small/simple things, and stop trying to get more or just complaining about life which is absolute arrogance towards life, and thus I commit myself to stop living arrogance towards life and start learning how to appreciate the simplicity of life as what is here in my world in every moment instead of ignoring this and wanting more.

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