Self Care: Getting Into Those Corners – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 28

I wonder how many times I have spoken the thought within me “I hate my life”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the words, “I hate my life”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the words “I hate my life” to exist within me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the words/thought “I hate my life” come up consistently within myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get frustrated with myself that things never seem to change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for things seemingly never changing where I blame myself as inadequate and hopeless within self change, and thus end up in/as such a statement of “I hate my life” where I always seem to end up back at the same point and never ever change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my new job as a step backwards, without actually taking the time to walk the point in and as consistency to see all the components that is here.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to change because I fear giving or existing without that which currently make up my life as my accepted and allowed patterns/behaviours of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that real change never happens through a process but must always be self willed, and within seeing this point just exist in depression all the time because it seems so much like my “process of change” is just a formality as I wait for myself to actually make the decision within me to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and my effectiveness within process and self change because all I ever see reflected back at myself is the same ol’ me.

I forgive myself for never ever considering that one could actually be addicted to depression, as I always assumed one could only become addicted to things that “make you feel good” and that things that are considered negative, you do not get addicted to because that would not be common sense.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to look within myself and look at the patterns and behaviours of myself and to investigate if there is an aspect of such behaviours and patterns which suggest or indicate that I am in fact addicted to some forms of negative energy.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to consider that any and all energy one experience within and as self could be a form of addiction, and that any energy one experience within and as self is always addiction as that is part of the equation of what energy is within and how energy works within and as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trip and stumble and give up on myself through creating the belief that my life was falling apart and it is my fault, and so within this to go into a point of self sabotage and self frustration and just give up and quite and accept and allow myself to not care if my life falls apart or not, not only this, but to have stopped even trying to give it direction and so thus in a way actually assisting and supporting it crash how around me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to destroy my life so that I can feel at least some sense of power because all I ever feel in trying to create myself and my life in a way that is honourable is inadequate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not deserve to stand side by side with honour and so excuse myself from room and go and align myself with misfits and fuck-ups because that is what/who I am as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become as the very living expression of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as evil, and to place a negative energy on myself within this.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I do not have the will to walk self correction consistently and within participating with this belief judge and criticize myself as the back-chat that comes up within me because it seems like all I ever do is fail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist where I always just want the boring stuff out of the way so I can do the fun stuff, instead of walking here within and as equality in all things I do.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to understand that I am addicted to energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to recognize that I do actually understand that I am addicted to energy, but that because I have manifested myself so completely in relation to energy that I forget or lose myself within myself as the mind as energy addiction and not see what is actually going on.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to slip back into energy and end up going for a ride on the ups and downs and extremes of energy where my life over the past few days has been haywire as I have accepted and allowed myself to plug into energy and dip in and out of “my life” as my behaviours and patterns that I have created/designed/established in relation to and thus dependant on energy.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see how when I participate in the mind as energy, my experience of me is all over the place and my life seems like it is upside down.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that to judge myself as good or bad is the mind and is energy and thus to participate with judgements towards myself whether positive or negative only support me to exist in the mind as energy instead of exist here as breath and and as the physical as stability and breaking the/my addiction to the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel comfortable existing within certain energetic states that have defined, and constituted my entire life where I have developed a few specific energetic states of being that I normally  exist within in my life and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop myself from existing in such positive and negative energetic state and see/realize/understand that the physical does not require energy to exist but that energy in fact abuse the physical, and to thus live exist here equal and one with the physical, and in this actually support my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I neeeed energy, and so to base my life around creating and generating energy for me to experience during my day instead of creating/designing/aligning myself life in a practical way to support the practical stability and support of what is here as earth, and humans, plants, animals , that are here in and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself pretend that thinking about something or thinking about doing something actually support or benefit me in actually completing or directing that particular point, and so justify thinking about or pondering about doing something which ends up just getting in the way of doing that particular thing and so is thus actually an excuse and defence mechanism of sorts I implement so that I never actually get here and direct myself in and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ponder something before I do it, instead of just immediately moving myself into the point and giving direction to it instead of going into this massive debate in my head about why I should or should not do it.

I commit myself to stopping procrastination as the point where I try to put off doing something a little longer by thinking about doing something or even asking myself the question “should I do it or not” and then flip flopping back and forth in my mind about doing or not doing the point before me, instead of assisting and supporting myself to become self directive as the physical and stop getting the mind involved.

I commit myself to stop getting the minds opinion/perspective on everything, instead of just directing myself in a way that is best for me and support me within becoming self directive here as the physical.

I commit myself following through with tasks instead of accepting and allowing myself to procrastinate within finishing points by through “bringing the mind in for perspective” where instead of just directing the point through in physical application, I stop and start thinking about if I want to continue or not, and thus witin stopping and considering such a point, I am actually justifying the resistance I have towards directing myself where I have accepted and allowed words in my mind to step in and take over and re-direct me somewhere more to my minds liking instead of actually developing effective self will within self direction.

I commit myself moving myself here more and more until I am fully here in and as the physical and no longer require the mind as a CONsultant which only ever attempt to get me to give into the mind and energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look into my mind, where in moments I stop and allow me to look into the mind at the pictures presented or ideas in my mind of what I could do or what I should do.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to utilize breath and breathing to support me to remain here in every moment in and as practical physical self direction.

I commit myself supporting myself in becoming effective in my daily blog process of writing, self forgiveness and self corrections, where I direct myself through each blog effectively so to integrate this aspect of part of my daily living expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lax on my specificity of me where I have noticed wtihin my world that I am not as specific or deliberate or thorough in my practical daily expression as I would like to be, and thus become frustrated instead of correcting this point within and as myself so that this specificity and deliberatness and thoroughness becomes who I am and thus also a part of my practical daily living in all aspects and areas of my life, as I realize that within living here in self specificity, intricacy, and clarity in consideration, I bring this point/aspect of myself to every area of my life.

I commit myself to correcting myself within this point and thus push myself in every moment to be specific, and deliberate, and thorough, where I allow myself to take the necessary time to direct myself in what ever I am doing as a point of thoroughness, and specificity where I stop accepting and allowing myself to just “let things slide” as this does not support me at all but literally destroy my life as my entire life end up sliding into a mess as each point that allowed to let slide accumulated until my entire life became messy and chaotic all due to me not supporting me and Willing myself to live self specificity in each and every moment as a point of supporting me to integrate this as myself and live this/bring this into my daily life so that I become more effective.

I commit myself investigating why I had allowed myself to “let things slide” and myself to become unspecific, and apathetic towards myself and my world and in my walking of myself in process, in applying self forgiveness, and self corrections and writing where I just let myself make mistakes instead of going that extra bit to make sure I double check things and in this develop a more stable self and environment for self, where doing the extra mile as in double checking and getting into the corners becomes the standard of my living expression instead of a once to never kind of thing that I just accepted and allowed myself to give up doing where I spoke the statement “It is to hard” as an excuse and justification to not so myself a favour that I would appreciate which is to will myself to “double check” to make certain, and to making getting into the corners thoroughly as a point of making sure each point is thoroughly directed my standard that I live with everything I do.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that self hatred can develop when and as self does not care for self or when I do not apply myself in self dedication and self specificity in willing myself to get into the corners of everything that I do and in this actually develop myself effectively instead of just ignoring this and quitting on myself and thus end up despising myself and hating myself for not supporting me to develop and perfect myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect myself instead of forGIVING myself the Gift of self determination from the perspective of where I, instead of neglecting me and not so much caring about my application of myself, actually care, and thus day by day walk that which will support me in self development as a point of self care rather than neglect, such as pushing and willing myself to take that extra moment to ensure all points have been directed, or to double check things so that self is certain and stable, and to move myself always into the corners of everything as the corners that nobody ever really wants to go and look at and clean and thus in this actually transform and change me into a point of self care.

I commit myself to self care, to transforming what I see/realize/ and understand I have created myself as, as  self neglect, into self care where I stop spiting myself by ignoring myself and actually pay attention to me in every moment and direct and will myself to do what I actually want and so thus move me to being more specific in my application in all that I do, so at the end of the day I do not end up in this point of self hatred from self neglect and self spite in not doing what I would actually like to do for myself as self support, and so in changing this self accepted pattern to now live self care I  actually enjoy me as I have Allowed Myself to practically walk self care as specificity and thoroughness and getting into those corners of myself and my world that I was denying myself previously.

I commit myself to getting into the corners of my life in both the inner and the outter and to in this support myself within self care as self care and no more accepting and allowing myself to live self neglect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in constant self judgement which end up placing myself in a point of not bother to care about myself or my application or my expression but just giving up on myself and not bother to really direct myself in specificity.

I commit myself to becoming my own standard of what I accept and allow of as myself as my application of self care as walking/living specificity, and thoroughness in my practical application, in both my inner and outter realities where I no more accept and allow myself to just be apathetic about this point where I place others as my guide in this even if I see their standard is actually a point of self abuse as neglect, instead of me becoming my own standard to ensure that I am becoming effective within my point of self awareness of myself  and not just letting things pass under the radar just because I “don’t feel like doing it” and justifying this behaviour as ok because others don’t do it either, not realizing I am responsible for myself and thus will always be/exist as equal to and one with what I allow As Myself.

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