I’ve Programmed Myself to Fall: An Artists Journey to Life: Day 26

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build an illusion around myself of “how I am standing” so that I could not see how I was actually standing /existing, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself and construct a perceptual self that I was unwilling to see until my reality crash down around me to show me the truth of myself and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to time and time again just build up an imaginary perception of who I am and what is going on in this reality instead of learning from my mistakes and realize that my life will require to come crashing down around me as many times equal to the amount of times I try and create a false idea of myself that do not stand one and equal with life support.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I must walk in consistent application as my process of self change as this is the only way I will be able to re-construct myself so that when challenging moments arise I do not have all my uncertainties and all my doubts emerge from within the depths of me that I suppressed and did not allow myself to see to only have this points emerge in a moment when things get difficult and thus crash because the truth of me is that I  had not established effective self support as myself through deliberate constant change where I will myself to self change instead of waiting for my world to collapse and show to me the truth of myself that I was not willing to see and take responsibility for and will myself into a point of self correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait instead if willing myself change, and thus ended up in a situation where I was not effectively prepared as I did not walk a daily consistent process of self support within writing, self forgiveness and self correction so that I develop myself as this point of self will that is able to stand stable in any situation no matter what.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that the point I am walking is to practically re-pattern / re-create myself through willing myself as my physical actions and daily walking to become a point that support life as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am able to support myself in my process of consistency and developing self will by stopping as a point of willing myself to no more accept and allow myself to participate in self interested thoughts and imaginings of the mind, but to will myself to stop participating in self interest in and as the mind.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that self consistency and self will is also a point of me stopping myself from participating within myself within thoughts and feelings and emotions and experiences and fantasies that are based in self interest where in developing self will is a point that must be walked equal and one in both the inner and outer realities of myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that self will as self strength is not something that just automatically come but a point one is able to create as themselves through willing oneself to practically walk daily the point of consistency in self support so that one do not take any chances and instead effectively prepare oneself to face any situation, which I realize is now done from the perspective of babysteps where I simply support myself within my daily process of writing, self forgiveness and self correction and through time of consistent real application I will change.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to investigate the nature of my mind to see/realize/understand the absolute control my mind has over me and that I am not yet the directive principle of me as I am still accepting and allowing myself to give this directive power to the mind and have thus trained and practiced myself to be slave to my mind which I now must break as the addiction I have created to energy/mind/perception by walking my daily process of writing, self forgiveness, and self correction where in I through my words and willing myself to physically write I realign myself to what is actually real, no more accepting and allowing myself to support the illusion that exist as my mind as pictures in my head that are based in illusion as anything that abuse life is illusion because why would life abuse life – This does not make sense, this is not living, life abusing life is death, and so I align myself to actual common sense life which is I support myself as life as the most practical way to live and express myself as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make decisions that support the mind and the relationships I have established within and as my mind, instead of making decisions based on practical common sense and based on self support is supporting me to Get Real as my practical self support in walking my process of self correction so that I can actually establish myself as a stable point of support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will just continue on as I have always existed. I see that this is a point of self sabotage that I would participate with such a thought and so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with self sabotage.

I forgive myself that I did not accept and allow myself to realize how simple it really is to change, and that I required my world to fall out beneath my feet for me to stand up and give my life some direction, and thus I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize that I created my own resistances and barriers to my self movement which I accepted and allowed myself to believe were actually there, and thus I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize that the apparent boundaries and resistances I had to actually change where in fact self created. And based on my own perceptions and ideas I have created around the point of change of facing walking a particular practical point in my world.

I commit myself to living self will so that I will my self change, and not wait for my world to fall apart before I change.

I commit myself to practicing pushing through resistance within and as self will.

I commit myself to investigating why it is still possible for me to write one thing and do another and to investigate where that disconnection is taking place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in constant hope of everything where every word and statement I make is glazed with hope.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to bring myself out of hope by applying myself daily and consistently where then this daily consistent application become me and become what I lean on instead of leaning on hope which is of no support at all because it does not exist here as the physical the same as practical physical daily actions and application that is measurable in and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to jump ahead in time instead of establishing real support which never exist as hope and which always exist as who I really am as my moment to moment physical application of myself as well as what I am accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as, as what I participate in and give attention to in the mind which is in essence also equal to and one with my moment to moment application of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to account for “moments in time” where I am able to exist or fall back into the mind where in I have accepted and allowed these “moments in time” as not-so-secret back doors where I carve out in time special scenarios and situations where It is still acceptable for me to “fall” where I will participate in and as the mind as energy addiction, like for instance when big events take place that I am not able to handle, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within keeping these back doors within me as future points where I will fall instead of willing myself to change as self preparation so that when such events take place I am effectively prepared to face and walking through in as breath and not react and immediately just go into the mind. And thus that this self preparation is always able to be walked here in every moment as my moment to moment application/existence of myself where I am able to support me to walk in and as breath as practical self movement/direction that is based in self support and self will to will myself to become an effective, strong, stable point within this world that is able to stand stable in and as breath no matter what happens in my world, a point that I realize is not who I am but that I must develop through and as actual real self support so that change is in fact real and I am able to stand no matter what.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify participating in the mind as being “one of these things that I am working on and cannot expect to get perfect” where I actually abuse such a statement to justify participating in the mind instead of this statement existing as a point of self support as I deliberately will myself consistently to apply myself in my practical application of writing, self forgiveness and self correction. Where then this statement actually exist within the context of self support instead of as just an excuse to go ahead and indulge “again” in the mind like clockwork right on par with how I have programmed myself to respond to / interact with myself as the mind as energy as the relationship I have established with energy/mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the statement “I cannot expect to get everything perfect” as an excuse and justification where I use this to support me within taking my sweet ass time in my self application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the benefit of the doubt to my mind instead of to self will where in I go into the point of “I will do that later” or “I will get that point next time” within the context of where and when and how I will direct myself within and as self will, instead of rather, giving myself as self will priority instead of just giving into the pleasure of existing in some altered state in the mind, whether that be thinking about some fantasy or indulging in watching some tv show where I able to drift away into the mind or chewing on my nails even when I know this is a mind related activity or sleeping in etc. And in this give self will the priority within my application of myself here in every moment.

I forgive myself for not realizing that consistency and self stability is also a point of establishing within myself a line where I no longer accept and allow myself to just obey my mind as how I have programmed my mind as the perfect energy delivery system where I will agree with thoughts so normally and automatically as there is always a reward as energy in following a thought and directing myself in relation to a thought, instead of no more accepting and allowing myself to align my practical movement with my thoughts but to instead stand within my process of realigning my inner and outer self with the physical.

I commit myself to self will within my daily application and to walk this point as a self correction as a point to integrate as myself where in this I actually live self support as practical common sense support of myself as the physical within and as equality and oneness, so that I tip the scales in favour or self support and integrate this as my normal living behaviour of myself in this life and for all lives until I stand in the absolute image and likeness of perfection of self support in every moment in all and every aspect of myself so that my total self only exist in and as relationships of support.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to look the other way when I participate and indulge in the mind, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on / addicted to the experience I get in and as and in relation to the mind that I will willingly detach myself from myself so that I can abuse myself as/within participating in mind indulgences to energy experiences instead of supporting myself to break my addiction to the mind and discover who I am here without energy where I simply exist here as my physical body that is already here standing, and breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program/pattern into and as myself moments of complete collapse as I have programmed / patterned these moments into and as my life through how I have accepted and allowed myself to go into such moments of “complete collapse” where I thus give up on everything and give up on myself and just quite, instead of standing here within self responsibility and thus in doing so created patterns of consistency and standing.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see/realize how when some of the practical support points in my world started to unravel that the experience and application I went into of collapsing was a result of how I have patterned and conditioned myself within my life time to doing just that instead of no more accepting and allowing such a point to exist as who I am where I accept and allow myself to crash and give up and give in and stop applying myself. And so thus

I commit myself to re-pattering / sequencing / programming myself to stand consistently in any and all situations no matter what, where in through self will in willing myself to stand and apply myself daily within my application of writing, self forgiveness and self correction I transform myself to stand here as what is best for all,  I re-program myself to stand in and as self consistency and stability, as a point of practical re-programming so to no more fall, or give up or give in in moments of crisis and thus to simply program out the crisis by developing the patterning within and as me to stand in all situations and breath and be here and direct myself in practical common sense without falling or going into the mind.

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