Enforcing instead of Supporting Others – An Artists Journey to Life: Day 23

Today at work we were building fences. 2 of the co-workers arrived and wanted to know what to do. I explained what was required to be done. as I was doing this I got the impression that one of them did not like how I was explaining or “telling them what to do”. This point has come up at work where I sometimes see myself as being “too controlling” where I like to walk with beings as they work to ensure that things get done effectively, though I wonder to myself “am I being to controlling?” or/and “Would this being be more effective if I just let them alone to do it” I see myself as sometimes being to controlling instead of just allowing beings more freedom to figure out for themselves how to do something.

I rather push for specificity with points but it is also strange because at times I think other beings are being overly specific with something and that they should more let up and allow themselves to make mistakes.

There is also this point where I noticed myself becoming impatient with some of my co-workers. I remember my father used to get this way with me when we’d work together. I see that this has to do with me having already walked the point of developing effectiveness within certain movements in the physical and that other beings still have not walked that point in space in time as I did so they are a bit slower or clumsy their movements which is not really a clumsiness at all but more that they are simply training themselves and their movements and that this takes time, and that until one is effectively trained the movements are not yet honed or refined into specificity.

So I can see myself getting impatient and this is not cool as I remember I did not enjoy when my father would get impatient with me as we worked together on some projects and now I find myself with the roles reversed so to speak.

I tend to expect others to move exactly at the pace I move within my application with working within my job and then this point of impatience comes up within me which further compounds when I judge myself as “being impatient”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must be there to oversee everything otherwise things will not get done correctly and then I will end up having to take more time later to fix unnecessary mistakes that I might have been able to prevent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am always right within my decisions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself where in I go into a point of self judgement when I see the point of impatience comes up within me, and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be patient with myself as I walk through this point of impatience coming up within me until It no longer comes up as I see/realize/ and understand that the impatience I experience is an energetic experience that I have designed within and as myself and thus not valid from the perspective of my direction I am walking to stop my self experience as the mind and bring myself to here in and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that impatience is valid.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is justified that for me to become impatient with someone who is not working as fast as I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everything must be done precisely.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stand in the shoes of my co-workers from the perspective of allowing myself be patient with the pace that they work as they develop themselves within their movements within applying them selves effectively on the job site.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately become impatient if I am ready to move and another is not.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be here equal to and one with all beings in my environment so that I am aware of the pace they are moving where in I walk with and as them and thus do not rush them or want to push them to go faster just because if it was me there I feel I would be able to direct the point more effectively.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize that if I push or rush my co-workers than this is an indication that I am not Here but am in fact rushing myself as I am not here standing equal and one in self presence as awareness of what is happening in my environment where if I was actually here and aware of what was/is going on in my environment that I would not rush or push to fast on my co-workers as I would actually see directly and clearly the pace that they are most effective at within their application and thus not go into a point of trying to move them faster within a point when they are not actually able to.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stand one and equal with my co-workers at work where I realize where each of my co-workers are and thus do not just project onto them how I want them to be. That is not valid as ones physical movement simply takes time and space to develop, and thus I must walk equal to and one with my co-workers and their current abilities instead of trying to impose where I am in my process onto where they are in theirs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blind myself from actually being able to see and thus stand equal with my co-workers, where I stand in their shoes and walk step by step with them at their pace with which they are effective at working/moving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated with working with my co-workers within the point of where I accept and allow myself to participate with the idea that “they are slowing me down”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to rush and get everything done where I end up pushing beyond the actual stability of what is actually here as the collective pace we as a group are able to work as effectiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make the decisions for my co-workers when I feel like I can see the most effective way for a point, instead of being here and breathing and allowing my co-worker to eventually walk through the assessment themselves and reaching their own conclusion which is often the same conclusion I came up with, but that I just wanted the point to be done with as I had already seen the end and in this became impatient within waiting for my co-worker to walk the assessment for themselves and coming to their own realizations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is faster if I just tell people what to do instead of allowing them the time to walk through the assessment themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to transfer the pressure my boss places onto me onto my co-workers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry when I feel like I am being rushed by my boss, and in this I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize that I am responsible for myself from the perspective that It is not my bosses fault that I end up rushing but that this is a decision I make within and as myself to rush, where in then blame my boss for “rushing me” instead of making the decision within myself to not rush or haste under any circumstances as I find to rush or haste never really makes things move faster anyways as then things must be corrected due to the mistakes made during working to quickly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to transfer the anxiety and haste that I accept and allow myself to take on from my boss, to my co-workers instead of standing stable and rather stabilizing my boss instead of just taking on the anxiety and haste that I experience within him.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that someone else is the one who is causing me to act or be in a certain way instead of realizing and thus taking responsibility for my experience of me within myself and within this being able to direct myself always within a pace that is supportive and effective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify where and at what times I must rush, accepting and allowing myself to believe that it is actually unavoidable instead of taking responsibility for such moments where I have accepted and allowed myself to in those such moments, abdicate my directive principle of me to another where I then just go into an application of rushing, justifying that this is ok, instead to no more accepting and allowing this to exist within and as my world as I realize that at the end of the day, it is my world that I am responsible for and as long as I continue to allow rushing and hasting under any circumstances that I am compromising myself and not allowing myself to direct myself at all time in a way that support me effectively to walk in stability and precision.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that it is only ego that attempt to enforce or fail to take into consideration where others are actually standing within their process

I commit myself to bringing myself here from the perspective of supporting me to establish for myself an effective optimum pace for myself to walk/apply myself within where I am not rushing but am stable and deliberate and most effective within my walking/application.

I commit myself to finding all moments/scenarios where I justify rushing myself to moving in haste so as to take responsibility for such moments and support me to transform such moments into opportunities to re-establish myself as self patience and self Stability within self Movement.

I commit myself stopping all my justifications as to why it is still acceptable to rush and haste in some moments, as I see that this experience never support me as I just get filled with anxiety and energy and find I am not stable but clumsy and also often end up generating anger within me, and so thus, I commit myself stopping my justifications as to why I would accept and allow myself to direct myself in a way that create a self experience that does not support me but just make me unstable and uncomfortable.

I commit myself to slowing myself down and standing one and equal with other beings from the perspective of taking into consideration where they are in their process and thus walking “with” them as a point of facilitation instead of attempting to try and impose or enforce a realization or ability on them.

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