Fear of People – An Artists Journey to Life: Day 21

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing this point/the point of finding a new place to live because I fear that I will not find the right place and end up in bad situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to hide and avoid this entire point of looking for a new apartment because I fear the point of facing/meeting people and finding new roommates to live with as I fear meeting new people, especially from the perspective of actually sharing a living space with them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am not or will very likely not like the people that I end up sharing a space with where in I fear that I will just end up settling or compromising within this point and ending up in a bad situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create experiences within myself when ever I read adds where in as I read each add, I accept and allow myself to charge and generate energy in relation to each add where I either go into excitement and hope or despair and hopelessness and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use energy and my energetic experience as a basis for which places I call or to have my energetic experience direct me within my process of finding a new place to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put off looking for new place to live because this is such a big point as I see it as quite a change for me within my world and so have resisted giving this point effective direction and walking through the practical necessary steps in ensuring I effectively give this point direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the experience of energy I have within myself towards each add I look at where in I will base all my decisions on the perception I create within myself within and as my own mind of what the place will be like and what the people will be like, based on what has been written without actually going to meet the people and see the place and get a much more practical assessment of the point instead of getting caught up within my imaginary perception experience of what I think/believe the place/people will be like.

I commit myself to utilizing breath and breathing within my process of finding a place to live where in I apply myself daily within this point in giving direction to practical necessary steps of finding a new place to live where I consistently/daily set up appointments and start visiting people/places as to get a good assessment of the points, where within this I commit myself to stopping my energetic experience around this point to influence and direct me within this process but just remain here and breathing and focus on practical application so that I do not go into the highs and lows and ups an downs of energy within this process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my pre-programmed automated behaviour of “avoiding people” to influence me within my process of looking for a place to live where this comes up/emerge as a resistance to directing/walking myself through this point or directing myself to phone people and set up appointments to there place.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk in energy within this process of looking for a place to live instead of walking here as stability as practical application as breath.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize that the dark negative energy I experience within myself towards certain adds and people is the polarity opposite of the positive light energy I experience towards certain adds and people, and that I have accepted and allowed myself to give such energetic experiences value within myself not realize how this is in fact based on specific judgements I have placed onto various aspects of my reality instead of coming from a place of walking/standing within and as equality and oneness with what is here as ALL as Life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into despair if someone does not call me back about an add I liked and not realize that this despair comes up as the backlash for having initially went into a positive hopeful energy about a point to only then not have it play-out how I want where I then go into the opposite energetic experience of despair.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my life being a living hell because I end up living with someone that turns out to be not cool.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear setting up an appointment with someone and then upon meeting then see/realize that the point will not work out, because I fear this point of rejection where both beings realize that the point is not effectively aligned, and so within fearing this point have avoiding looking for an appointment all together, not taking into consideration that this is simply a point that I must face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear meeting and talking to strangers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fear meeting new people and actually walking the point of establishing ourselves as roommates because this requires a level of intimacy that I really do not like walking as I find this painful and uncomfortable, and so just want to avoid this entire point of looking for a place to live and just want it to fall in my lap and work out perfectly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the feeling as a want for this point of finding a new place to live to “just work out” where I will accept and allow myself to go into an experience of “hoping” where this “hoping” actually becomes a replacement for practical application where instead of applying myself in practical common sense consistently in walking the practical steps necessary to see this point through effectively, I will instead accept and allow myself to go into the mind and go into the feeling of “hope” that it will work out perfectly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making a mistake within all this because this is such a seemingly big point, and thus within my fear of making a mistake go into the experience of hope, hope that it will all work out because I believe/fear within me that it might not or won’t and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain this point of fear of things not working out.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into wants and hopes when I find what seems like a cool place, instead of rather sticking to consistent application within this point to ensure that I am directing the point effectively instead of ending up in experiences of hoping, which is actually waiting, because I not giving consistent direction to this point and exploring various options/points that come up so that I walk this point in a practical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place so much emphasis on my external reality within this process of looking for a place to live where I have focused all of my attention “out there” onto the people that I will be living with and in this have ignored me and not taken myself into consideration as having any baring on how this point will work out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself completely in relation to the people around me where I have accepted and allowed myself to have determined the stability of myself and my world in relation to the people around me instead of taking responsibility for myself where I realize I am the source of my reality/life/ and experience of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my power to others as being the directive principle of the experience of me and thus go into resistance towards finding a new place to live because I fear how my experience of me will be influenced in relation to the type of people I end up living with.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that I am the one who has created the experience of me based on how I have defined myself and everything that is here and then am in constant friction with everything that create/generate my experience due to the specific value definitions that I have placed on everything and myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give power to and thus determine my experience of me.

I commit myself to remain Here within this process of looking for an apartment where I do not accept and allow myself to go into energy of hope and despair within/during this process but rather to stick to practical physical self direction within this process.

I commit myself to making this process a consistent application within the context of applying myself within this point daily to ensure I optimize my window of opportunity to the best of my ability.

I commit myself to letting go of my judgements that I have towards myself as either being really good at this or bad at this, and just stick to practical application within consistent application.

I commit myself to understanding why it is I fear this point so much and why I have placed this point as such a “make or break” to my life/world, where I have placed so much emphasis on my external reality and completely diminished/reduced myself to being such a non-existent point within the equation, and thus I commit myself to exploring how I have reduced myself to exist as such a insignificant point within my world within what I am doing, where the thing that I am doing become so important and hold all the cards.

I commit myself to realizing myself as an integral aspect, the key/primary aspect of this point of looking for a place to live, from the perspective that no matter where I end up, I will be here.

I commit myself to remaining here with and as myself as I walk this process of finding a new place to live so that I remain stable within it all and not get carried off into internal experiences and reactions. In this I keep it simply and walk as breath within this process so as not to get swept away/caught up in an internal reactions that come up as walk through this process, but instead remain here, and remain grounded and stable within this process.

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One thought on “Fear of People – An Artists Journey to Life: Day 21

  1. Pingback: Day 22 Pleasing others even if it means abusing myself — Part 4: Doing anything for a relationship just to not be alone | My Journey to Life

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