Designing Myself In the Image and Likeness of Competition and Greed – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 16

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my model for living on what I was taught through/within my family structure. Not seeing or considering that this model was/is actually founded in competition and greed as the nature of what we as existence/humanity have been living as on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live out the same patterns today, that I learned and established within and in relation to my family, in essence living out that same ideal for life as the same rules, and systems, and patterns and habits that I formed and conditioned as myself within my family structure and that I have not looked back to see how I have formed and created myself as who I am currently living as but have just accepted me as me not seeing how I have created myself as acceptances and allowances and living behaviours and patterns.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to live the model of being a good son to avoid conflict and receive praise and positive attention.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to do a good job in what I was doing so that I would receive praise, and that I allowed myself continue pursuing this praise and positive attention through how I conduct myself within my reality

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be manipulated with/by treats and sugar where in for instance I would “eat my vegetables” so that I would get desert, and thus created the idea that I must endure something negative to get something positive.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate with the construct of “fear of missing out” to motivate me to move myself where in my fear of not getting desert would motivate me to eat all my dinner or eat my vegetables regardless of if I felt like it or not.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to imprint into me from childhood the fear of missing out or missing an opportunity for a reward, through this entire point of needing to eat all my dinner before I got desert.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to only do chores around the house if got my allowances and to never do more than what I was assigned and within this developed the idea and perception that its not my responsibility and thus Money is the point which is used to get someone to do something that is “not their responsibility”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was supposed to just play all day because I was a kid and that parents are the ones that have to do work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to manipulate my parents to taking responsibility for my environment and chores so that I could just have fun while they have to do the stuff that I don’t want to, like cleaning up.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had a unique ability to do art and that this made me special, and so developed this idea of myself of being unique and special and more than others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to like the fact that I had a “special skill” and that other people would say “you are so talented” which made me feel good, and so patterned myself to require this feedback that “I am special and unique” so that I can feel good/positive.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to motivated by the idea of being a genius.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take this feedback of “your so talented, and special and unique” and attempt to compound this to a much greater affect by continuing to practice and become more skilled and more effective within my talents (art) where in I would imagine myself as a great artist and being famous and powerful where I would have all the attention of everybody looking at me and knowing who I was as this great genius artist and so thus attempted to achieve this at all costs, not really caring or thinking about others and what there lives were life but became totally focused on only living out this point for me to be able to experience myself within doing this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is my role to be better than others as self and so have developed fear within me towards others that they might be better.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to attempt to manipulate people around me with my art so people would give me the specific attention which I required which I believed if I did not get that I was not worthy and useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself to need and require the positive feedback that people give to me through looking at my art and commenting on.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fantasize about being a great artist where I became consumed with this one singular goal of being a great artist and thus getting tones of attention from everyone. Not realizing to do this that I am making the statement that the survival of me within the experience of me and achieving the ultimate positive experience which I believed would be the ultimate experience I could attain to that I was ignoring everyone else and those with nothing as I was completely focused on only living out my own goal and my own life and fulfilling my own desires.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allow myself to realize that my design of myself that I developed from childhood was only such to secure my survival and success in a system of self interest and greed.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to from an early age place importance on money, as this seemed like such a rare and special thing, and so in this gave this special value to money.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that money was only for adults and that kids don’t have money, and not realize or see that everything in my world as my toys to my education to my life style to the home I lived in to the clothes I wore was all a product of money.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to get excited the first time I got allot of money and had the freedom to buy whatever I wanted like toys and video games and candy.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to train myself that money only comes from doing something that you don’t like doing because money was always the reward for doing work or chores that I never enjoyed doing but “had to do” and so constructed the idea that money and doing something you did not want to do go hand in hand.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to develop my talents because I saw this as a way to secure my future where in if I was able to be more talented than others then in this I would end up getting money.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to develop my talents so that I could avoid doing things that I don’t want, like work, where I could then just further create a world for myself where I am living out my self interested pleasures as the experience of myself as positive energy.

And Thus I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to design myself in the image and likeness of greed and competition to become effective within a system of greed and self interest and competition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will not be able to live with myself if I am not great at something.

I forgive that I accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that money is not important and is not the reason I am doing art, and fail to see that if there was no money involved or potential of making money in what I was doing, I would not have chosen it.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to develop my skills because I liked the special attention as the reward I received and thus became addicted to this “special attention” as reward as feedback I receive from others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to decide what I want to do in this world taking into consideration what made me the happiest and where I had the most potential of receiving the most rewards whether that be money or positive attention from others and so based my entire life on “pursuing my dreams” which was the point of me just living out and attempting to secure my own personal experience of myself and not caring about what others are doing but in essence play right into this world we have created of self interest, competition, survival, greed where everyone just look out for themselves and fight for their own survival not realizing how I have separated myself from all life and basically designed myself as an effective competitor to survive in this world only ever looking at me me me as the primary point of my consideration and in this separating myself from everyone else that is here

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I did not get paid to do something that I did not like doing, then I am not responsible for that or do not have to do it because I don’t like doing it, which was supported by and through the feedback I got from my parents giving me allowance to do chores and always connecting things I did not want to do to my allowance within the statement that “if you don’t do it you won’t get your allowance” and so I trained myself to work for money and formed the belief that money is the reward that I get for doing something I don’t want to do which otherwise I simply would not do it and in this fail to develop principles of integrity where in I take responsibility for what is here based on the common sense that I am life and that I am responsible for what is within my environment instead of believing just because I don’t like doing it means that I don’t have to do it.

Thus I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to rather take a pay cut which I believed exempted me from the responsibility from what is here and I will just go do something else / what ever I wanted and those that care to get paid can do the dirt jobs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to insist that it is my right to do what I enjoy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that as a child I should not have to do any work, as this is my right as a child.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I was talented at something then I would not have to do the dirty jobs but that I could just work on my talent and that this was my right.

I commit myself to investigating how I have designed myself in the image and likeness of greed and competition where since from my childhood I started to develop myself into a competitor to give myself the best possible opportunity to fight for my life, to fight and compete amongst others for me to attempt to carve out my life in this reality where I could experience the most possible positive energy/experience.

I commit myself to investigating all of the patterns in my life and to change/transform myself as the patterns as ways of living behaving into patterns that stand within and as oneness and equality and what is best for all to give all an opportunity to live and express here equally as life.

I commit myself stopping my existence as/of self interest where the goal in my life is create an environment where “I can be happy” instead of re-designing myself and my life in the image and likeness of what is best for all.

desteni.org

eqafe.com

equalmoney.org

desteniiprocess.com

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