The City “Rush” and Back to Self – An Artists Journey to Life: Day 14

I am continuing here with a point that I opened up yesterday with regards to “Rushing”

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be here with myself within slowing down and being here with me, and in this actually giving myself the opportunity to see/investigate/explore myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to walk my realization and seeing that within slowing down I am enabling myself to be more specific with myself and thus give myself the opportunity to be more aware of myself. Something that is not happening within rushing, because I am not allowing myself to stop and be here with me and actually see me and all that is going on with me, within and without.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must rush because I live in the city and that is the pace that the city move.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stand as an example of slowing down, of no more accepting and allowing myself to spend my life rushing around and in this actually missing everything. The life that we as humanity have collectively accepted and allowed as the life we have decided to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there isn’t enough time to complete everything and do everything and within this I go into a state /experience of fear where I completely tense up within seeing/believing that there isn’t enough time to do everything and complete everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to paralyse myself in fear of not being able to get everything done, or what I want to get done each day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to race everyday from when I get up in the morning where in I start my day in a rush and try and race through everything that I must do so that I can somehow make some time for me to actually do something that I want to do, and so spend so much of my time running and racing through everything, instead of being here and self present in no matter what I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place different values on what I do as the different things that I do, where in some I just want to rush through them and get through them quickly, where with others I allow myself to slow down more, instead of being stable and constant within my application within what ever it is I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my hastiness and rushing with the excuse and justification that “my job demands of it” and within this deny myself the opportunity to walk here as breath and see if in fact this belief and Idea that I have created that my job demands of me that I rush actually stand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have trapped myself in a system that force beings to rush and haste everywhere so that this becomes our “normal” pace, a pace that do not allow for effective decision making as when one rush, one miss points and do not take the time to consider all options and every point specifically and thus end up making mis-informed or short sighted decisions that inevitably have an accumulative consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush around within my mind where I go into my mind and start chasing thoughts and racing around in thoughts and thinking about different things, instead of being here as breath in and as the physical where I slow myself down so that I can see myself and see what is going within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to race through my world moving from one thing to the next and just doing everything quickly and half way and onto the next thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect my pace with success and/or failure where I have formed a belief that within rushing I will be more successful and get more money, and if I am not rushing but moving slowly that I will not be able to function properly and effectively within the system, and so accept and allow myself to just rush around attempting to and trying to make my life work and be effective in the system by and through living out my idea that rushing and doing things as fast will support this.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live and walk self presence and hereness where I slow myself down and walk here as the pace of breath and self awareness in every moment and actually test this to see if I become more effective this way, which is what I am seeing will happen but have not yet effectively applied this point of slowing down to see the result/consequence it has on my life/living, and so have left myself stuck in a belief due to me not yet effectively slowing myself down effectively within my world so that I can get some substantial feedback on the affects/side effects of this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so accustomed to moving quickly and fast, that I end up rushing everything from eating to showering, to writing, to doing the dishes, to driving, to painting/art, to work where I end up feeling like I must move quickly and rush without stopping during my day, yet in the end always feel/experience like I have left so many things undone or not finished.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach writing from the perspective of just wanting to get it over and done, and so end up speeding through it instead of being here with every word I write to make sure each and every point is specifically placed and effective how I want it where each word is one step which I deliberately place one foot in front of the other seeing myself place each word as each step as I am here equal to my expression.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be equal to my expression but more always thinking about somewhere else I must be or something else I want to be doing instead of being here within that which I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a mess of my world and a mess of the words that makes up my world where each point as each word of my world as the various aspects of my reality are not specifically deliberately placed in specific relationships with each other but are sometimes more just left unattended to or generally placed as I speed through my world moving from one thing to the next to the next to the next and not effectively ensuring that the relationships that make up my world are considered in detail and specificity as I have used the excuse that I do not have time to do this which inevitably lead to my world collapsing or being difficult to manage as I have left a screw lose here and bolt undone there until eventually everything caves in on itself instead of standing strong and stable as the result of thorough consideration into each part/aspect of myself/my world. Something that is not possible if I am never here but only skimming across the top in a rushing hastily manner/state.

I commit myself to slowing myself down so that I can get to know myself and become more aware of myself.

I commit myself to point by point stopping decisions made on a whim. So that I no more make decisions on a whim but am stable and certain, seeing the outcome and consequence of my decisions/actions that I make/take before I just do something blindly and on a whim without actually looking at the flow outs and consequences of my decisions.

I commit myself to investigating the relationships between me rushing in my mind within participating within various thoughts, feelings, emotions, pictures, memories, and me rushing in my world where I am not here but just attempting to get through some task and then on to the next one.

I commit myself to investigating the relationship between energy and participating with specific energies within myself and me rushing in my outer world.

I commit myself to exploring the nature of myself within the context of who I am in relation to my mind and how I participate and interact within and as my mind as a reflection of who I am within my reality and how I interact within reality and the world, and visa-versa.

I commit myself to utilize writing as an opportunity for me to slow myself down and thus assist and support myself to practice and thus re-program myself to slow down and exist here as myself as breath in self awareness and self hereness, so to assist and support myself to from here within writing here with me, expand this point of slowing down to be within and as breath in writing, to other aspects and areas of my world where the goal is to eventually be totally here in every moment in all circumstances and also within this to become more effective at making decisions in my reality because in being here instead of somewhere rushing in my mind I will be able to better assess all the components/aspects/dimensions/of a moment/decision/point, and thus make a more informed decision to ensure that my expression is always directed in the best interest of life.

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