Fear of Regret – An Artists Journey to Life: Day 13

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear falling behind or falling away in process where I disappear into crowd.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to inherently doubt myself and my ability in process to ever become self honest which cause so much fear and anxiety in me and in this I fear having one tiny thing go wrong and want everything to be perfect and every word I place to be perfect due to me doubting my own application and ability to actually walk in self honesty as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as not smart enough or effective enough in my ability to walk process and support myself within the process of self realization fast enough to keep up with everyone and so fear falling back and continuing to slide as everyone else moves forwards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in absolute stress and anxiety of making to many mistakes and falling away in process, where this stress and fear causes me to be tense all the time and uncomfortable within my body as I am existing in constant fear of fading away in process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am not cut out for process and that I am not supposed to be a leader or stable example in process and so I just accept my role as falling into the background.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in constant disappointment of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want desperately my self forgiveness to actually work, so that I will actually change and can stop living/existing as an abuser of life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hard on myself by defining myself as an abuser of life where I am constantly reminding myself how I am a failure in process and that I should be better.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be frustrated with myself because I see that things could have been different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in regret where I am constantly looking back at how things has went and thinking things could have been different and thinking I could have done more, and been more effective and self honesty in my process.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself extensively where there is not one day where I am Ok with myself, this due to me knowing within myself that things could have been different and that I am so much more capable than I am living, and thus am disappointed in myself daily because I am not living to my utmost potential every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that its all ready to late and that I have fucked up so much that I have already limited myself in my expression in this life and so exist in regret and despair towards myself in relation to how I have walked my process so far.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my life is a waste.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in constant and continuous anger towards myself for not walking as a self honest being in every moment but that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken/walked a path of such ego.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have seen no real reason for me to actually support myself to be effective once I left the farm because I saw my ability and potential within process to leave when left the farm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live self misery

I forgive myself that I haven’t dared actually live self honour and self effectiveness as I haven’t been able to see myself as able to actually be effective within my own reality since leaving the farm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as “bad at living”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my potential as myself leave me when I left the farm.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live to my full potential here where I am currently living but have just seem myself as extensively limited in my ability and expression within and as myself and within and as my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as useless on my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as limited on my own.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as being that is supposed to struggle and that is supposed to be dumb and not effective with words/writing/reading/information processing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am only capable of so much and that that is just who I am, and so have placed limitations on myself in what I am capable of doing/directing within my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as not worthy to be effective, and not worthy to actually be effective in my process and my life because of seeing how egotistical I am and thus how much of an abuser and justifier I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to more than everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for judging others and for the thoughts and feelings and reactions that go on within me towards others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that everything I do is just to find a way to make myself look better and win.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live to my fullest potential everyday but have accepted and allowed myself to live/exist as less than who I am actually capable of living and expressing as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify no living to my full potential everyday where I just accepted my own justifications and reasons as to why I am not able to live to my fullest potential and take advantage and live and express in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let my sails down when I left the farm and saw no reason for me to pull them back up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be angry with myself for giving up on myself and basically quitting on myself and life when I left the farm.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to have seen myself as a waste on the farm because there are others who are more effective then me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the farm and myself at the farm as my highest potential of living and that everything else I live will never compare and so to when I set up my life again and began living here where I am now, only ever seen myself as being able to live and express me as a fraction of who I was on the farm and so just gave up and saw no point in living or trying as anything will only every be less than who I was on the farm and who I was as my daily potential on the farm.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see the potential in other beings, but instead just judged them within a limited frame of who I perceived them to be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to write beings off so quickly and not see the actual potential of themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire for a relationship someone who I see as having allot of potential and not consider how I have been so quick to judge people as inferior or having no potential as life and so how am I able to even  trust what I see within someone as “potential” since I have already proven to myself I am not yet able to see who a being really is and what they are capable of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to insist that particular beings are useless and have no potential and so quickly write them off.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stop judging people so quickly and to instead when I look at a being, instead of judging them, look for there effectiveness and where their potential exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the potential I see in other beings and to accept this as valid, instead of supporting others to realize their potential and maximize their potential as there expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my limited version of potential that I have accepted as being here in this life where I only ever see my reality and others within the context of the limitations I have placed on the human being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others and focus on their weaknesses so that I can look and feel better about myself and my expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to measure everyone I see against myself where I have placed myself as the best and therefore have to attempt to fit everyone into my perception of who they are in relation to me as being the best and so cram them into my limited view of them in relation to me as attempting to see myself as the greatest and best, instead letting go of the desire to be the best and be the winner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to measure what is possible in life in relation to me as being the measure of what is possible from the perspective of me as ego as me having some amazing ability or quality that some how make me greater than everyone else and so I must be the measure of success and what is possible within this reality because I am the greatest.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that only my ego cannot live without being the best and greatest and react to such a point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to everyone else and see myself as inferior and “tapped-out” meaning I have reached my highest potential and everything else from here is down hill.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself others and in this comparison see myself as limited, and having no use.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to useful and wanted and needed and in this have value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no use in the eyes life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being mediocre.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear that I will not reach my fullest potential in this life. I fear that I am sure many beings in this world have as they walk through their life and fear that they have not done enough and been disciplined with themselves enough within their life to have supported them to live to their absolute and fullest potential. A point that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear extensively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist daily in fear of not living to my fullest potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in absolute fear of regret.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear regret because when I look into my future this is what I see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make regret my god.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing regret and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within the very core of me that regret is inevitable and within this already see myself as having failed and so what even the point of trying to live, and attempting to live to my fullest potential when what I see when I look into my future is regret which implies that I will walk a path that leads to regret which is obviously not me living to my highest potential where if I was living this, there would be no regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is nothing I can do about the regret in my future and so just pull in my ores and let the current play its course because it seems that no matter what I do, no matter how hard a row, my course is set and I have no choice in the matter, and thus find it so easy to give up and not even bother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is out of my hands, my path is set, and it is as path of failure and regret and misery.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my course is set and that is it, and in this believe that I am not able to change this course.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as inferior to the course that I see set before me, and that I will never be able to stand equal to the point from the perspective of setting my own course because it is just to intricate and complicated and complex for me to actually do this, for me to actually be the creator of me.

I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to spend every waking hour attempting to and trying to run from regret.

I commit myself to letting go of my limited perception of “potential” I see in others.

I commit myself to let go of my limited expectations I place on others and life

I commit myself to let go of my limited expectations I place on others.

I commit myself to discover through self investigation and writing, writing self forgiveness and self corrections, why I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a slave to regret.

I commit myself to discover why I have accepted and allowed myself to let this point of regret or fear there of, limit me and constantly exist as the ultimate point in my life.

I commit myself to facing my fear that I am not who I believe myself to be as the best and the greatest and here also I commit myself to use Equality as my guide to life.

I commit myself understanding why I have come to fear mediocrity.

I commit myself to continue to write my 7 year process of self forgiveness and self corrections to assist and support myself to discover who I am as life as equal with all that is here.

I commit myself to stop insisting that I am failure and that I will fail and that this is who I am and allow myself to work on the point of being unconditional and here not placing expectations on myself and keeping myself locked in a box with my expectations of failure that eat me alive daily as a gnawing away at me as I walk my day to day life.

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2 thoughts on “Fear of Regret – An Artists Journey to Life: Day 13

  1. Cool Andrew- I suggest rather asking ‘how have I used mediocrity as a limitation for myself’ which is then not trying to find a ‘reasonable answer’ but simply understanding the limitation for what it is and how to correct it.

  2. Pingback: Though I can not go back I can go forward and live life to the fullest | Transient Reflections

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