Drunk on the Elixir of Abuse – An Artists Journey to Life: Day 11

I forgive myself for not realizing/seeing that the experience I have within myself towards relationship and sex has been determined for me by and through this world and society.

I forgive myself for not realizing and seeing that the urge and desire I experience/have within myself for /towards relationship and sex is directly connected to the value/importance that this world/society has placed on sex and relationship which is able to be measured by and through money as money is the substance through which value is equated within our world/society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to copy exactly in all the minute details and specifications the program that has been designed within this world as relationship and sex, and to run this program within and as myself where in I go through the programmed responses as emotions and feelings and urges and desires and reactions and experiences,  related to love, sex, and relationship where I am existing as the perfect computer that move/funtion according to the programs I have so exquisitely integrated as myself that has been presented to me by through the world system, and within this have never actually directed myself but have only lived/existed as a system/computer running the programs that has been presented by/through this world, regardless if such programs were/are designed in the image and likeness of abuse of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to run programs as myself that are harmful towards life.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question myself deeply enough to see/realize the extent to which I am existing as programs and systems of abuse all functioning and working together to create my so called “human experience”

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that my so called “human experience” is actually just a series of programs functioning and working together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my experience I have towards sex and relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust that which makes me feel good and not question if this that makes me feel good support life, and within this no more accept and allow myself to participate in anything that abuse life and thus take responsibility for myself to ensure that nothing of myself abuse life in any way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my experiences as emotions and feelings because they just seem to authentic as if they are really me, and in this not ever ask myself the question if these  experiences as emotions and feelings as myself support what is best for all life in all ways.

I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to, without question accept the experience I have of/as myself towards/in relation to sex and relationship.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to determine who I am for and as myself within the context of sex and relationship but have simply accepted the pre-programmed packaged experience of sex and relationship that has been delivered to me through society and my environment.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the experience I have within and as me in relation to sex and relationship is related to the value scale that has been determined for me by society and the system, the same value scale that allow war and starvation and economic slavery and animal abuse in the name of profit, and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t ever accepted and allowed myself to question this value system and realize for myself that it is in fact Not Valid as it does not support life at all, and thus realize that then the experience I am having as myself to and towards sex and relationship is also not valid as it is an experience generated in conjunction with and dependant on the functionality of the greater system of abuse.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself see or realize that the entirety of the experiences of me is a product of a system of abuse and I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to thus stop such experiences as me so to no longer support the abuse of life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question and determine the source of all my experiences to ensure that that which I participate in always support life and no more support abuse and to thus end all relationships and experiences of and as myself that are based on relationships of abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the product that the system create where I walk and talk and experience myself and am stimulated by exactly that which I am programmed to,  by and through the system.

I forgive myself that I haven’t ever accepted and allowed myself to consider who I am without this “experience” of myself that I have towards sex and relationship.

I forgive myself that I haven’t ever accepted and allowed myself to consider who I am without this experience of and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the value I experience as myself as the experience I have to and towards sex and relationship is my creation and natural, and not ever consider that this experience I have as the minute fluctuations and intricacies and flavours and subtitles has been given to me and determined for me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever consider that the experiences I have within me could be a result of relationships that in fact abuse life, but that I did not allow myself to see or ask such a question because I was to pre-occupied by the experience I was having as the end result, which blinded and distracted me from ever asking and / or ensuring that that which I am participating in supports life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get drunk on the elixir of abuse without questioning where this elixir came from to ensure that, that in which I partake, is a product of relationships and process’s that support life and what is best for all, so that I do not do what I have done before and simply drink without bothering to ask or ensure that that which am supporting, is in the image and likeness of what is best for all as life so that I do not take that first sip and become intoxicated on that which abuse life and thus support abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself intoxicate myself on the experience/energy of relationship and sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to partake in that which makes me feel good, even when knowing that it is harmful to life and that I would not want to experience what I am accepting and allowing myself to place onto others through my accepted and allowed behaviour of partaking in that which “feel good” but know does not support all equally as life within that which is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become pre-occupied by an experience, urge, desire, yearning within myself for relationship and sex and not ever question this experience, urge, desire, yearning, and thus just accept this experience as valid and normal and go along with it. Not asking where it came from and also determining if it in fact actually support life, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a conduit of abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the perfect breeder of abuse for the system as I accept and allow myself to channel and thus perpetuate abuse towards life through my accepted and allowed relationships that exist within and as me that I daily walk with and exist as and participate with, spreading the seed of abuse to grow and flourish and destroy life as what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to ever do what is best for all but just to play the game and go along with what everyone else is doing, even when I see that it is not a nice game and that it does not support life, but is in fact abusive.

I forgive myself that as a kid I never accepted and allowed myself to question everything of myself to ensure that who I am and what I am becoming support life absolutely within a point of equality and oneness and what is best for all, but that I just accepted what was given to me as values, taught to me by through society and my family because I believed that others knew best and I am just a kid and am am to small to take a stand against abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to stimulus in a perfect programmed way exactly how I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself in the image and likeness of this world, a world of abuse, and thus exist as the perfect system robot through reacting to stimulus exactly how I am programmed to and making me so easily controllable to remain exactly in the image and likeness of the system of abuse and never go out of line and actually start to support life.

I see that I have come to trust my experience of myself without question and have actually  come to accept my experience of myself “as me”

I commit myself to walking a process of self transformation where I take responsibility for myself and in this change and transform all that is me as every and all relationships that exist as me into relationships that always support what is best for all in all ways.

I commit myself to releasing myself from the experience I have within and towards relationship and sex where in I no more accept and allow myself to just go along with such experiences and urges and desires as I see /realize that this “experience” I have connected to relationship and sex is an experience that has in a way been pre-packaged and given to me by society and is thus not even “my” creation but instead an template of how I must act and be in relation to sex and relationship and thus I commit myself to challenging myself to determine for myself who I am within the context of sex and relationship and ensure that my participation/attention I direct as myself to/towards/as this point is a self directed point and based on what is best for all life.

I commit myself to releasing myself from the control I have accepted and allowed myself to place on myself through how I have placed value on sex and relationship instead of realigning myself and this point to a point of equality and oneness and what is best for all, so that I can stand as the directive principle of me and no more accept and allow myself to be a slave to that which I have exalted and given more importance to as life.

I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to blindingly drink the elixir of abuse but to, through self forgiveness and self corrections release myself from my dependency on energy and experience that I have for so long intoxicated and inebriated myself with.

I commit to walking here as breath as stability where I direct my actions where these are no longer influenced, directed and controlled by experiences of myself that are symptoms of abusive systems that do not support life.

I commit myself to further investigating the the processes and relationships that form/create experiences of me, and thus I commit myself to further investigating all the experiences of myself to get to know where they come from and how I have created them instead of just accepting them as me and participating with them without actually knowing how they were specifically created.

desteni.org

eqafe.com

equalmoney.org

desteniiprocess.com

 

 

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