My Body as A Tool For My EGO – An Artists Journey to Life: Day 6

Today I was reading some of the points others were working with in their process and shared in their journey to Life blogs. The 2 that I read had to do with body image and both blogs one from Lindsay Craver and the other from Maya Harel stuck with me for the day.

The first blog was looking at the point of physical consequence in relation to when one refuse to see a point within oneself where then a physical event will manifest to bring such a point forward for the being to see and face where without the event they would simply go on their way refusing to look at or face this point within themselves. When I read this I went into immediate fear of something like this happening to me.

The point that was being walked in this particular blog was body image or ones self image. I reacted because I see that I still place importance on body image/appearance and overall self image.

Who would I be if I lived in a different body?

Who would I be if I lived in a body that I considered/judged as ugly?

Would living in a body that I consider beautiful or attractive change my experience of me – And if so, then does this not imply a lack of substance of who I am due to my self changing within the context of such trivial points. This is showing me that I am fact not yet living actual real substance and self integrity where who I am is established by me within that which is real, which stand the test of time, which see that a point such as body image and ones physical appearance is really irrelevant within the context of life.

As I write this, I take a drink of water and the questions comes up – am I really aware of the relationship my body has with water? How does my body interact with water? Or have I been to wrapped up in shiny things and pretty pictures to actually get to know all that is really here as life.

Who would I be if I lived in a body that was obese?

Who would I be if I lived in a body that was deformed?

Would I still experience myself the same as I do now?

Would this matter?

Where have I placed my value as who I am and what I consider important?

Do I have enough real Integrity that it would not actually matter what body I lived in, where in I would simply remain the same. Where my joy or fulfilment would not depend on such a point, but that this would come from me no matter what or where I am.

Another interesting point that came up also when I was reading these 2 blogs is that we are so infatuated by our physical image and appearance yet, there is so much more to the human physical body.

We have placed all our value and attention on the surface; The Picture of our Human Physical Body.

What about our cells, our blood flowing through are body, our heart pumping for 80 years straight without ever missing a beat. The growth of our finger nails, our skin, our organs, what happens to our food once we swallow it, Where do the chemicals come from that break down our food. Do they do this on their own – Does this mean then that they are aware to take responsibility for such a point? Or is it automatic. Or is the chemicals the slave of me? Am I then just a slave inside the belly of the planet – A chEMical that process the stuff of earth. Do I do this automatically or do I make a choice and do it specifically, deliberately?

What is the consequence of not establishing an effective relationship with our Human Physical Body so that we actually know how it is functioning and how not to abuse it?

What is the consequence of not taking responsibility for ourselves and ensuring that we actually understand how we function and how we create what is here.

The consequence would then be what we have at the moment which is a planet of wars, and starvation and murder, and religion that manipulate people to kill in the name of god.

What is mucus and what is the purpose of it?

What is actually happening when my skin gets itchy? Or my eyes dry? Or my lips chapped?

Do I have to tell my body to move?

Or does it move automatically – like when I pick up a cup to drink it?

Am I aware of how I am sitting in this very moment and why am I sitting this way? Did I decide deliberately to sit this way.

Did I decided deliberately how I would like to move as my body.

Did I grow my face to look like it does. It seems like it grew itself? So then why do I take credit for it when someone give me a compliment on how I look?

I should say to thank my body – I do not completely understand how I ended up looking this way?

This is the current state of awareness of most everyone in this world in relation to their body. Nobody really knows anything about it.

Its strange how there are Doctors who are supposed to know about this stuff, but there is so few doctors in the world and then everyone else somehow think its acceptable to go on living in complete ignorance of what is going on with their body and how it actually functions.

Who would I be if everyone looked exactly the same?

How would I experience myself then?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider some things happening on the inside of the body as gross.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined certain aspects of myself as gross.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to have separated myself from my human physical body to such an extent that I have no idea about how it functions or operates.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make judgements about my human physical body because this is what I have been taught, and told through my family structure as what is acceptable and hygienic within the eye of society. And thus have accepted and allowed myself to fear certain functions of my human physical body and thus attempt to suppress such functions and in this fuck up the relationship I have with my body by attempting to hide and suppress aspects of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to what my body looks or appears like and having that being my primary relationship with my body which does not consider the entirety of the body as how it functions and operates, but only how it looks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the appearance of my body to determine the experience of me and my self worth, and in this not realizing that underneath the appearance we are all the same.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that we are all the same because of having placed so much emphasis on ones physical appearance, and thus blinding myself from what is really here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing consequence due to the relationships I have established with my body where it has primarily become about body image and appearance and not really about the actual physical body at all.

I forgive myself for not realizing that the actual relationship I have with my body is very much non-existent.

I forgive myself for not realizing that I will never get to understand or become aware of anything else as long as I continue to live out and participate in my daily life in the exact same way as I have always have, and thus not practically changing me moment by moment to stop existing and participating within giving attention to only the surface of things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my body as gross.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define blood as gross.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define muscle tissue as gross.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my organs and that which is inside my body as gross.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a negative value to that which goes on inside my body and a positive value to that which is the surface and seen on the outside in terms of the roles each play.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider myself as my body both inner and outer and all parts and functions of my body within equality and oneness and no more accept and allow myself to give more value to some aspects/parts of my body within the polarity design of more than / less than as I realize that all aspects of my body and myself are equal and one with regards to their value as parts of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place all the importance on what I look like and basically ignore everything else of my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having given so much value to my/ones physical appearance and use this to define who a being really is.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to investigate the connection between how I view myself and how I view others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care deeply about my body image and to have used this to attempt to get acceptance from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize my physical appearance to gain acceptance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit self acceptance to what I look like.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted myself and believed that I “need” this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lucky that I am not ugly and to actually fear extensively being ugly because if I was ugly then everything would change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being ugly and facing the point of not being able to define myself according to looking/being attractive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I would be if I were seen/defined as / judged as ugly within the eyes of society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define some aspects of myself to be attractive and to fear losing those aspects and ending up being ugly as I believe that this would change and determine the entire experience of me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself and to have established a relationship with myself that is so prominently tied into body image and appearance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define what I look like as important because I have connected and attached this to “relationship” and my ability to fulfil my desire of having an attractive partner because I have accepted and allowed myself to place this as the thing that will fulfil me and satisfy me, and so thus fear to lose this point of “finding an attractive partner”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I actually need someone to give me validation and fulfilment and satisfaction and that I am not able to truly live this for and as myself in all moments where I take absolute responsibility for this point as myself and no more accept and allow myself to abdicate this to something or someone outside myself

I forgive that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my body as and make my body just a tool to attract a relationship partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my body as just a tool to make money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my body as just a tool for making money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my body as just a tool to be able to do things that attract attention from others and thus as a tool to generate self worth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to make my body as slave to my Ego where it becomes just a tool to support My Ego instead of it being an extension of life here to support and honour life within the principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define self worth as the attention I get from others, and that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize my body as a tool to attempt to get attention as worth from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being ugly because then people would think I am ugly, and I forgive myself for not realizing how extensively I care about what others think.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word ugly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking the word ugly as I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this is actually a valid judgement and so thus fear to use it out of fear of “offending” someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to the word ugly as this being an actual real valid definition that should be considered important instead of realizing that the definition I have given and connected to the word ugly is based in self interest and comparison and separation of myself from others and does not stand within the principle of equality and oneness and what is best for all.

I forgive myself for not realizing that the fear I have to use the word ugly is implying a judgement I have placed on the word.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the word ugly, and fear speaking it and so have just avoided it and never went near it and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to completely ignore this aspect of myself as the word/definition ugly and have never corrected this point and transformed this word as an aspect of myself into that which is aligned with what is best for all and can be practically lived within the context of what is best for all and to no more accept my current definition of ugly to exist as me which is based on competition, and ego, and surface appearance and winning and thus is in fact abusive towards life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as definitions of words that are abusive towards life as they are not based on equality and what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being ugly as I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the idea that this is related to and thus will determine my self worth.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that all life is equal and thus nothing or no one can actually be of more worth or more value than another as all that is here is life and thus all that is here is self, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my definition of self to only ever think of me/self as being related to my physical human body and that which exist “outside” myself is not me, and thus end up competing against this instead of standing one and equal to all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge some aspects of myself as more than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more value to some aspects of myself than others from the perspective of judgement.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize my equality and oneness with all beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not capable to expanding myself to consist of all that is here in fact where I treat and honour ALL as myself.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see/realizing/understand that If I did in fact stand one and equal with all that is here that I would not complete or manipulate or harm another as this would be one and equal to harming myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself as the most important point of life, which I see realize and understand implies survival which I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in the image and likeness of where I accept and allow myself to compete and fight against all other life in one big fight for survival where my main purpose is to survive no matter what the expense and no matter if I must harm other life to do this, and I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that living in and as survival is not life/living, it is killing and destruction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to subtly manipulate everyone in my world as I participate in this game of survival where everyone in my world becomes my opponent instead of my equal whom I support equal and one as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live by the principle of taking, where in I attempt to always take and take and take and not ever give to another as this might increase their chances to take over my position in the game of winning and survival where no one is really friends but simply points that is used to secure ones own position in the world and heighten their possibility of winning and surviving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being ugly because I fear how this would impact my ability to survive and get stuff.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect self fulfilment to my physical appearance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect survival to my physical appearance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect fear of dying to my physical appearance and the requirement to be attractive as those that are not attractive are closer to death in terms of how I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within this world and within this system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I look like is important because everywhere I look I see it in the pictures and in movies where you have the attractive people living the great life. And thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have blindly believed these pictures I saw.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have completely bought into the image that I have been sold by society/media/entertainment that shows the tall and attractive people as the centre of attention and happiness, and the epitome of success.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize and see the actual nature of man, of ourselves within this very point of such images of attractive people being bought up by ourselves as the epitome of success and recognition being an indication of our desperate search for recognition where we have completely lost ourselves in this search for recognition and not ever considered accepting ourselves as equals as life where all is equal valid and equally recognized.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the fact that “sex sells” implies that we as this world do not accept ourselves.

I commit myself to walking the process of stopping existing in the way that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in where I have established a relationship of abuse and ignorance towards my human physical body where my human physical body simply exist as a tool and pawn of the ego in the game of survival and competition instead of within a relationship of support and care.

I commit myself to ending my current accepted and allowed relationship I have with my human physical body that is based on using my body as a tool to support my ego, and thus transforming myself and my relationship I have with my body into one that is based on equality and oneness and what is best for all. I commit to doing this through writing and investigating myself in detail within writing and applying self forgiveness on that which I see I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as, as self interest and realign myself as the relationship I have with my body into one of equality and oneness.

I commit myself to exploring and investigating the judgements I have to/towards myself as my human physical body, where previously I had not postponed or put off really investigating this aspect of myself.

I commit myself to re-establishing myself as who I am as the relationship I have with and as my body into and as the image and likeness of equality and oneness and what is best for all.

desteni.org

eqafe.com

equalmoney.org

desteniiprocess.com

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