Trying to Stop at the Last Second – An Artists Journey to Life: Day 5

I am going to have a look at the relationship I have formed with hockey, in particular, watching hockey.
Today I started to apply Self Forgiveness on this point of “wanting to watch the game” and I then after I applied the Self Forgiveness I went ahead and watched the game.

In looking back at this point what I am seeing is that the decision I made to watch the game was more prominent than the “decision” I made to not watch it, and that yes I applied Self Forgiveness but this may be a point that I require to work with, with some consistency in order to actually make the decision to no longer accept and allow this point to direct/control me.

I see that the relationship I have at the moment is not based or founded within the principle of what is best for all. I started watching hockey when I was around 13 years old. And developed particular habits and rituals within watching hockey since then.

My relationship with hockey has changed quite a bit. I used to play hockey and enjoyed watching it as well and would watch as many games as I could.

Even though my relationship with this point has changed as I no longer participate in some aspects of it I still participate in others and that is the points I require to work on to assist and support myself to give up all points which are based in self interest and transform myself so that all aspects of myself stand within the principle of what is best for all.

Basically tonight I see that I have not worked with this point effectively and more ended up attempting to make a change at the last moment. That is like stepping out in front of a moving train holding a stop sign where there is no way the train will be able to practically stop its momentum where a more practical approach would have been to radio into the driver ahead of time to start the process of stopping.

So that is what I am doing here. I am starting the process of stopping.
This makes more sense to me and I will test this out where actually working with this point with self forgiveness and self corrections to assist and support myself deconstruct, see, and understanding how the relationship I have established with watching hockey is currently interacting and holding together.
And to do this within a more practical step by step process instead of just jumping out in front of the train at the last second.

This actually brings up a point that has came through a few times over the past few days within starting this process of writing self forgiveness and self corrections more on a daily basis. It has been like I was rushing points and not really taking the entirety of each point I was working with into consideration.

So it was like a formed an idea about how to go about stopping a point, then I would apply self forgiveness from this perspective to afterwards see the pattern still here and then have to re-ask myself the question – Ok, what is really going on with this pattern, and is there a more effective way I can work with these points/myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to stop patterns that I have established as myself since childhood 5 minutes before the puck drops. Instead of working with these points and myself on a regular basis.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed pre-established patterns that I exist as to simply remain in me and as me and me never make the commitment to myself to actually stop these patterns and dis-integrate them from within myself so that they no longer exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my relationships I established with hockey, and in particular watching hockey to remain as a functioning system within me that take space within me even when seeing that this pattern is not what is best for all, but that I “left it” and not bothered to actually work with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be weary of making a commitment to myself to in fact stop this pattern out of fear that I will not follow through and just continue participating with this pattern instead of me effectively assisting and supporting myself to actually take this pattern on, on a regular basis.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can only take on so many patterns at once and so within this justify allowing some patterns that I have established as me that are clearly based in self interest to remain, believing that I simply do not have the time to stop them, and so thus just continuing to participate with them and live them out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue participating with that which its soul purpose is designed in the image and likeness of competition and winning and losing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with watching sports when there is millions starving to death waiting for me to actually give direction to and take responsibility for that which I have within my grasp to do and bring about a change to this world so that all may live a dignified life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place the living out of my dignified life as more important than millions and billions of others who have nothing and are in situations that are not dignified at all. And that I forgive myself that I have not realized that to do nothing only shows me that I am not in fact life because life would not allow other life to suffer.

I commit myself to investigate all aspects of my life as all the relationships that are me and to find all those aspects parts of me as the relationships and patterns and behaviours that I participate with and exist as that I can clearly see are existing in self interest yet I do nothing about and investigate why it is that I accept and allow myself to do nothing about such relationships that is me, and why I haven’t committed myself to investigating and working with these patterns and behaviours within a point of consistency so to eventually stop all such patterns and relationships of self interest that are me that I have just allowed to continue existing as myself. And in this to actually move myself into and as a more consistent and constant application of myself within working with myself to effectively walk my a process of re-birth where I stop accepting and allowing myself to exist within relationships of self interest and to rather re-establish myself within my daily life and expression as support and consistent self direction in working with myself through writing self forgiveness and self corrections for me to live to take back my power slowly but surely and no more accept and allow myself to exist in and as self interest.

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