This morning I set my alarm to get up at a specific time. When I woke up I decided to re-set my alarm and sleep longer instead of getting myself out of bed. The point that is pre-occupying me here is that I could have gotten up. I know that I could have willed myself to get up. I decided to sleep in because I didn’t see it as being necessary that I get up. Even within this writing this last statement I am already seeing a point that I could have given direction to in my day if I were to have gotten up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated with myself when I accept and allow myself to not direct myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to sleeping in this morning because I feel like I should have gotten up and now its to late and I wasted this opportunity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify anger and frustration within myself instead of realizing that these are reactions of the mind and thus I am able to stop participating in such emotions / experiences / reactions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to torture myself when even I make a mistake.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that when ever I make a mistake that this is an indication that I am liar and deceiver and that I should have known better.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty when I sleep in.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dwell on mistakes that I make and in this accept and allow myself to sabotage my entire day because of this one point that I missed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have in fact “missed a point” and “made a mistake”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as “having made a mistake” and within this experience a reaction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in uncertainty of unknowing whether I made a mistake or not.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to investigate this point within myself as to why I exist within this point of unknowing and uncertainty in relation to this point about not knowing if I have made a mistake or not, which implies that I am not seeing or understanding an aspect of myself in relation to this point of sleep and sleeping in the morning.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience frustration within myself in relation to this point of sleep because this is a pattern that I have felt I have abused myself in within.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself base my experience of myself in relation to sleep on an opinion and assumption that I have arrived at with regards to my sleeping habbits
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to test my sleeping habbits for myself by testing various applications within sleep to get some specific feedback for myself in relation to sleep from which I can make a more accurate assessment of what would be the most effective schedule to keep for myself with regards to sleep.
What I am seeing here is that I have more come to a conclusion about my sleeping patterns without in fact effectively testing my sleeping habits by designing some specific tests for me to see what is an effective sleeping schedule for myself.
Sometimes I will wake up after 6 hours of sleep and I will actually be awake.
Sometimes I will wake up after 6 hours of sleep and I will be tired.
So what is the difference.
Is there an effective Sleeping Schedule for me that I will be able to walk consistently.
Ok So what I am going to do is explore some different routines. Firstly I am going to see if I can find a sustainable pattern like for instance sleeping 8 hours every night. This way if I stick to something consistent I may be able to better see any fluctuations within that pattern, for instance if I one morning wake up and I am really tired or if I wake up early, and this way I can look at What is it that is actually causing differentiations within my sleeping habits patterns.
So for now I am going to go with 8 hours because this is a point that I see at the moment that I will be able to do consistently and within this I will also be able to develop a point of discipline and consistency within this.
I commit myself to 21 days sleeping no more than 8 hours a day. I will do this to establish a more consistent baseline within my sleeping patterns for me to be able to get to know myself within the point of sleep instead of attempting to “enforce” sleeping patterns where in I am more doing this from the perspective of what I believe I am supposed to be able to do and not really effectively assessing or coming to know what is an effective sleeping pattern for me.
Expanding on my 21 Day Process…
I wrote about sleeping today and I can see that I am still frustrated with myself because I committed myself to sleep no more than 8 hours for the next 21 days. One of the frustrating parts is that this point seems so vast and I felt like I was not effective in my investigation into this point. I understand that what I initially placed was just an introduction. I am here to expand on this 21 days of sleeping no more than 8 hours.
I decided to go with 8 hours because I know I can do this. I have done 6 hours at one point before also, and have had periods in my life where I have slept sometimes 9 to 10 hours on a regular basis. I have been all over the map this past year and so part of my deciding to go with 8 hours for 21 days is to re-establish a point of consistency in my sleeping patterns. I may be able to do less than 8 but I want to go with 8 because I see this as something that I am able to do and that I know this should be enough sleep each night. This way I will not end up going into the belief that “I need more sleep” as I am quite stable within my assessment that 8 hours is enough and therefore will simply take out allot of unnecessary “second guessing” when for instance I wake up after 6 hours and feel tired I often go into second guessing myself asking myself “am I really still tired” with 8 hours I will know that I should not be tired after 8 and thus will simply start off this point by eliminating that second guessing point and then I can just direct myself to get up immediately. I Eventually would like to get my sleeping patterns down to around 6 hours or even less if possible. But I see that it is probably more effective for me to do this gradually and get to know my sleeping patterns by establishing a structure within this so that I can more effectively see my level of tiredness in relation to the various hours of sleep.
I should also be able to see at what point more resistance starts to come up when I start to reduce the number of hours per night that I will sleep.
My Job at the moment is also physically demanding and I am sure this has an affect on my level of tiredness. So that is some guidelines and expansion on this point of doing a 21 day process of sleeping no more than 8 hours a night.
Within this process I can also assess if I wake up earlier and how I feel after sleeping 8 hours, for instance if I woke up before my alarm or directly to the alarm and slept the entire time.