I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to end my education after I finished college where I basically said to myself “there, I am done my education” where year after year since I finished college, I studied less and less until I had multiple excuses as to why I would not pick up a book or had supported myself to correct and perfect that of my education that was not yet effective, where I settled on the idea that learning is more for ones younger years, which I see is now a limitation that I accepted that guided me to a point where I had basically stopped my education of myself and learning, basically believing that one only has one shot at learning and that once you pass a certain age like for instance 30 that you don’t really learn anymore.
And so within this I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to really not bother with learning or having any interest in my ability to learn, where also here I stopped asking questions about my learning ability which implies a non-interest in myself in way, basically getting to this point almost without even realizing what I was doing, without realizing that I bit by bit, like turning off the water valve which feed the hose where bit by bit, year by year I turned off my interest towards my own learning ability until this valve was completely shut off and I was/am not more asking myself questions about my learning ability and looking at / exploring / investigating my own learning process and the process of learning that I went through in my life but that had basically accepted that “I am who I am now” or “I got what I got” and “I had my chance” and now my chance for learning is over, accepting this ‘fate’ so to speak based on ideas that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe about learning and education and one’s learning ability, where I had basically accepted myself as “complete” and that was that, even though I still had/have major problems with my vocabulary and learning where I had just accepted that “there was nothing I could do about it” to the degree where I was not even asking myself any questions regarding my current level of learning/education and really challenging myself to learn and educate myself and actually Study myself and this world and the various components that exist in this world that make up the human being such as vocabulary, reading, math, etc, but had ultimately placed cap, a ceiling on myself and without even really noticing had given up on actually still supporting me within learning/educating myself.
I realize that to stop learning was a choice that I had made. I also see that there is questions that I have never asked myself before. There is points within me that I have never really explored, like for instance, how does one who is at my age, actually correct their vocabulary if that is something that in school they did not develop effectively. I commit myself to learn about myself and push and challenge myself to learn new things and new skills, and also to continue practicing the basics in reading and vocabulary and math from the perspective of actually supporting myself within my own self education, something I realize that every adult should do, because there is not book or law that say’s once you become an adult that you have to stop practicing the basics and further enhancing ones education to also enhance ones life and expand oneself within ones life.
I also see that I have never really understood how human beings develop and the importance of reading or vocabulary within the education and development of a child and human being.
I commit myself to the task of learning and exploring and understanding how a being actually learn, and the role that language and words and reading and math and all the various different components of education plays in the development of a human being.
I commit myself to explore my own learning ability and to understand the differences and similarities of learning between someone who is 5 years old and someone who is 30, and to investigate the real process and nature of learning and why is it that as human beings we in essence give up on our own learning once we reach a certain age, when the potential of learning is startling when watching a 4 year old learn quantumly in a matter of weeks where it is like they become a completely different person in a matter of few weeks due to the rapid pace that they learn but then as adults we literally stop learning anything as later in life we will spend years and years and years at the same point with no more rapid learning, but we will not and question this and challenge this but really just accept it.
I commit myself to stop acting like an aDULLt where as an adult we accept that we are dull and can no more learn, even though most of our lives is actually as adults and so what we are then implying is that we only learn effectively for a tiny fraction of our lives but for the majority of our lives we are for some reason no more able to learn like we were as a child, and that we never question that at all but just accept it as a fact of life when in retrospect this makes no sense at all and really is quite a limitation. It seems like such a waste that learning only takes place for 10 years of a persons entire life and then after that, especially when they are older that we are no more able to “learn like children”
I commit myself to start with myself and investigate my own broken vocabulary structure and explore the point of self correction in this point, instead of accepting that there is nothing I can do about it and that its too difficult to correct or fix.
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