Paralysed by My Fear of People Seeing Me Fail – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 184

This Blog is A Continuation of Exploring My Relationship to Art and Career and The Characters/Personalities that I have existed as/Lived out in relation to this point.

Believing The Road of ART Always Leads to Failure – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 183

Its to late to learn that Now – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 182

The “Isolated” Artist – An Artists Journey to Life: Day 181

You Can Only Ignore Something So Long Before it Bites You – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 180

Can I Walk Away in My Next Breath – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 179

Fear of Not Meeting Your Expectations – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 178

The Fears of The “Starving Artist” (Self Corrections) – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 177

Mental Instability VS Physical Stability : An Artists Journey To Life: Day 176

Making a Living with Art/Being an Artist- An Artists Journey To Life: Day 175

The Religion of $elf – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 174

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to utilize a picture of “Y” within my mind to Justify the experience of fear I experience within myself in relation to walking the path of art, where in experiencing fear inside myself in relation to walking the path of utilizing art to make a living for myself I can justify this fear through bringing up a picture of “Y” in my mind in order to validate this fear, because “it must be real” and so I find a reason for it to be real, and thus make it real, instead of investigating this actual experience of fear that come up within me in relation to utilizing my Skill/Training in Art to Make a Living and Make Money.

I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to justify my experience of fear that comes up/emerge within me that is in relation to the point/consideration of utilizing Art as a SERIOUS and Viable Path to walk to support myself financially where in I justify this fear that comes up within me in relation to this point through participating with an image/picture/thought that comes up within my mind of “Y” where when this picture come up I immediately start going into back-chat in relation to this picture, particularly within the context of validating my experience of FEAR, that I see is in part a Fear of Failure where this picture of “Y” within me becomes a doorway for back-chat and self devaluation and so I commit myself to when ever I notice this thought as the picture/image of “Y” coming up within me in relation to when I start looking at/considering and also even while actually walking this point of Art Already– that I commit myself to Stop and not participate in the picture/thought of “Y” within me where in I start to go into back-chat and just strengthening my fear and so rather I Stop and Not accept and allow myself to feed my fear through by participating within myself with a picture in my mind of ‘Y” where in this I am feeding my fear, and so I breath and walk through the fear, reminding myself to focus on Practical Application and not just basing decisions on Experiences of Fear that suddenly come up that I instantly obey.

I see/realize/understand that practically speaking I have walked a different life path than “Y” and that along the way I have developed certain specific skills and training that “Y” did not have/learn, and that these “Skills/Training” Align me differently within the system than “Y” was aligned without those skills training, and so here I commit myself to practically apply my Skills Training to the best of my ability in a way that when all is said and done I will KNOW within myself that I actually applied myself practically and TESTED if this point of ART will or will not work, where at this stage I cannot make this assessment as I see/realize/understand that I have not practically applied myself within my skills and abilities and understanding that I have but rather stood back and allowed fear to determine my ability which was not practically lived and tested, but actually suppressed and “decided upon” within my mind with a fundamental ADVISOR in this Decision was the experience of fear of that arose within me that I responded to even though I did not understand where the fear came from and what was the source of such fear.

I commit myself to stop comparing my life to “Y’s” life where I am constantly and continuously analyzing this and thus instead allow myself to actually live here in and as breath and not repeat the past, but rather allow myself to be here with me during my day and direct myself according to practical consideration and application and testing and feedback, and so thus assist and support myself to become effective at testing/walking REAL PHYSICAL REALITY something that I have not moved myself within doing because I instead focused on my fears and doubts in my mind and not ever allowing myself to move/walk in the physical due to fear, fear of failure, fear of embarrassment in failing and so was to paralyzed to in fact walk for REAL and FACE me in my Success or Failure – Neither of which I was willing to do previously and so just postponed ever walking anything which “notwalking” at all is actually real Failure, where ‘Failure” in Doing is not Failure – It is simply testing and adjusting and showing self in real time what self is capable of/effective with or not– the real failure comes when Self never test self at all because self is afraid of being embarrassed when other perceive self to have failed. And so I commit myself to breath and walk in breath Here Daily Applying myself in and as the Physical in Real Physical Application and thus I commit myself to Walk/Apply and supporting me to getting to an effective physical application that will be/ is an Actual Physical testing of what will work and what not so that this test can be trusted, and I can either close the door on a point and move on or find its effective and continue refining my application within it – instead of NEVER getting to this closure point due to NOT actually applying myself in a way that Stand as a Practical Viable Test, because I was to much influenced by my own mind and fears and judgements and worries and concerns what other people think.
In my next post I will continue with the Imagination Dimension

 

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11 Responses to Paralysed by My Fear of People Seeing Me Fail – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 184

  1. Pingback: It Seems So Easy in my Mind. – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 185 | An Artists Journey To Life

  2. Pingback: Subtly Blaming My Genetics – An Artists Journey To Life: Day | An Artists Journey To Life

  3. Pingback: Disrupting My Attention – Self Corrections – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 186 | An Artists Journey To Life

  4. Pingback: Finding Excuses to Hold Back – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 188 | An Artists Journey To Life

  5. Pingback: Sorting out my Past Perceptions about Myself – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 189 | An Artists Journey To Life

  6. Pingback: Stepping Out of Track – An Artists Journey To Life” Day 190 | An Artists Journey To Life

  7. Pingback: Aligning My Expression with the Physical – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 191 | An Artists Journey To Life

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  10. Pingback: Derren Brown Fear & Faith (Part 1): What Does the Placebo Show about Human Psychology? « Blog to Clear the Fog

  11. Pingback: The Inconsistency of the Mind – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 197 | An Artists Journey To Life

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